Please. Help me get over her

notsogood · May 3, 2006, 06:04 PM

Hello,
I really need help.
I am at my wits end with my ex girlfriend. I am a gay woman who met this other woman on the internet about 2 years ago. I was her first female relationship. She was married ( in the process of divorce) and has 2 children. Well, we fell in love deeply. One day, after a year she met another woman, who is 14 years younger then her, and who is in better shape them me and basically, left me.
She swears to this day that she was not seeing her when we were together, but I think she is not telling the truth.
Anyway, she just told me one day, out of the blue that she didn't feel the same way about me as I do about her. I have been crushed for over a year now. The weird thing about it is, we never stopped talking to each other for more than 2 weeks at a time. We have been e-mailing each other almost every day. We chat on the phone and it's like were still together. I just put up with her telling me about her girlfriend because, I still love her and hope that one day she will return.
I am in recovery from alcohol and she is a daily drinker. This was difficult for me but, I honestly believe that she is the ONE for me. I have been in long term relationships before and never did it hurt this bad to be away from someone. I've been in therapy and these feeling just will not go away.
She wants to be my friend, to have me in her life. She flirts with me at times and I enjoy it.
Please help, I haven't talked to her in 8 days (thought I'd try no contact) but it's killing me.
I have someone else who loves me and is good to me but, all I can think about is how to get my ex back. Please Help!!

Skell · May 3, 2006, 08:50 PM

If you really want to get over her the best thing to do is cut all contact. You have to. It is very hard but it is the only thing that is helping me get over my ex girlfriend.
I am sure wildcat and others will have some useful advice here but trust me. The sooner you cut all contact with her the sooner you will be able to start healing. She is keeping you there to make herself feel good but it won't make you feel good at all.
I probably am not the one who should be offering too much advice given that I am currently going through a break up but I know the only thing that is helping me get better is not contacting her.
You can do it but it takes strength.

jeffatl · May 3, 2006, 11:54 PM

See, Skell. Just make sure you follow your own advice.

talaniman · May 4, 2006, 04:10 AM

After a year shouldn't you take the hint and moved on with your life? Especially since you have someone who cares for you, how selfish and unfair is it to this person? Maybe you need to be by yourself until you get your issues under control and learn to deal with an honest equal relationship. How much can you bring to any relationship if your head is stuck in the past over an ex who is so through with you? Stop calling and have no contact with this woman,just plain leave her alone and put more time to yourself,doesn't your present interest deserve more than your giving now? :cool:

Krs · May 4, 2006, 05:15 AM

She is probably using you every now and then for her own benefits. To make herself feel good, because she still knows you love her and care for her.
She sounds confused and drunk

Hypatia · May 4, 2006, 08:49 PM

I agree with cutting all contact. Its like an addiction itself. You are leading yourself on and you know it. Hope can be a dangerous thing when you dont have it and you pretend things might change. I am sure you are a wonderful, caring, thoughtful, loving beautiful person. We all have to sort through the trash to find our treasure. Try some online chat groups, something open minded and not swanky like care2 or something. Be who you want to love and that person will be drawn to you. Keep the faith in tomorrow and forget yesterday as it no longer exists except in memory alone.

Hypatia