[mary219]

I've been married for 15yrs 2 months ago my husband confessed he cheated with people he met on the internet ,he said he let a married couple give him oral sex and he says he met with a gay guy twice the guy did oral on him and it gets worse he said he did a number2 on the guys chest, he also tries to tell me that these people didn't undress I know crazy but true I've been to the doctor and I'm clean my body that is my mind I'm lost I remember doing laundry in January long before his confession and there was blood in his underwear when I told him this he tried to say it was from eating spicy food, am I that stupid he swears to god he never gave or received anal sex I don't believe him is he gay what is he I feel as if I'm dying please help me.

[Fr_Chuck]

Ok, using the bathroom on somebodys chest is not gay, that is just a perversion gay people do not do that.

Ok, does it matter, if he was cheating with women or men, he is not faithful I guess I have to ask why with all the things, you are still with him to even worry about it.

[ChihuahuaMomma]

He sounds bi-curious. Or perhaps just curious about some things. Sit him down, and tell him that it's safe to tell you what he likes in the bedroom.

[ChihuahuaMomma]

And how was my post factually incorrect? Please do not give reddies to advice that was not factually incorrect? You think sitting down with your husband and talking is a bad idea?

[mary219]

Believe me we've talked and this is not some kind of game when you take vows they should be honored or don't take them it is the ultimate betrayel, how would you explain to your 8yr old why daddys not here?

[ChihuahuaMomma]

You've never mentioned that you've talked. I can't assume that you have if you haven't given that information. Therefore, AGAIN, my post was not factually incorrect.

[mary219]

Is that what matters, is if your correct or not,I need some serious help I've been a damn good wife I would do anything with my husband except share him but for some reason here we are.

[ChihuahuaMomma]

If you are going to use a site, you should know the rules.

But to your question. Have you considered therapy?

[Sunnywootxp]

Ummm what is the "number2" he did on the guys chest?. what blood in his underwear!! I thought only woman can have that... maybe try to have some exotic moment turn him back to 100% straight then see what happens.

Goodluck

[mary219]

I'm still learning, but yes we did he won't see a therapist unless I'm with him, nothing makes sense.

[ChihuahuaMomma]

Then go see a Therapist with him, it could shine some light on what you are confused about with him and vice versa.

[mary219]

I did go with him for 3 months but there are some things he won't talk about with me holding his hand and right now I can't hold his hand,I do have a doctor that I see . And thank-you for caring:) and thank-you again you really do care:)

[Alty]

Mary, I'm not good at sugar coating things, so if I sound harsh I apologize in advance.

I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through, I'm sure you are angry, hurt, sad, depressed, every negative emotion out there.

Bottom line, he cheated, he admitted to having homosexual encounters and he stepped outside his marriage and his vows to you. Can you live with that? Would it be easier if he had cheated with a female?

I don't think the issue is whether he's gay or bi, I think it's whether you can trust him.

Do you forgive him? Do you think he's being faithful now? Can you live with him for the rest of your life knowing what he did/

If counselling is not an option, the how long before this marriage self destructs? Can you ignore your feelings? If not then you need a solution, and that solution is either forgiveness, communication, understanding and acceptance, or counselling. The only other avenue to travel would be divorce.

I wish you luck, either way you have a tough choice to make.

[0rphan]

Hi Mary,

This is a huge hurdle to get over, at the end of the day he's cheated for what ever reason.

Your marriage vows meant nothing, you can chat about it as much as you like but in reality everything is now spoilt...

How can you continue to have any kind of relationship with this man, especially sexually, it will not happen, if it does it will only be glossing over the problem and will rear it's ugly head time and again.

He has upset the foundation of your marriage... all trust is gone, there for in my opinion you have to face the fact that it's over, there is no future for the two of you together .

Although this situation is very sad I feel you have to move on, maybe in the future meet someone who will give you the trust and respect you deserve in life.

Goodluck in what ever you decide.

[Synnen]

Three months of therapy is not very long.

I would suggest you CONTINUE to go to therapy with him.

[talaniman]

Doesn't matter if he is gay, bi, or tri, cheating is the bottom line, and that brings many trust issues into play. Both of you should stay in therapy, and be patient with the process.

[Choux]

Girl, your marriage is over.

He is so totally unconcerned about bringing a fatal disease(AIDS) home to you that he is almost a monster, in my opinion. There is usually more going on than what a cheating man will reveal to his wife.

Be very careful.

Best wishes in the future,

PS I don't usually read the previous posts; I just answer the questioner's original post, so I missed that you are in therapy. Be sure you don't have sex with this guy until you decide to divorce or not.

[rachael865]

i've been married for 15yrs 2 months ago my husband confessed he cheated with people he met on the internet ,he said he let a married couple give him oral sex and he says he met with a gay guy twice the guy did oral on him and it gets worse he said he did a number2 on the guys chest, he also tries to tell me that these people didn't undress i know crazy but true i've been to the doctor and i'm clean my body that is my mind i'm lost i remember doing laundry in january long before his confession and there was blood in his underwear when i told him this he tried to say it was from eating spicy food, am i that stupid he swears to god he never gave or recieved anal sex i don't believe him is he gay what is he i feel as if i'm dying please help me.

Your husband may be gay, bi, or just plain curious. Regardless you seem to be in an unhonest marrige that you should probably end soon.

[Choux]

Look girl, Women facing divorce don't seem to understand that a much better life with better relationships can easily await them... never forget that. :) It is just scary to change.

Hang in there, Mary. :)

[mary219]

Thank-you so much your words are the truth:)