[Kassie]

A quick summary, I have been together with this man 7 yrs... married 3 yrs next month.. We separated 4 months ago, we just went back together on Easter Sunday, well last night he left again. While we where separated he dated a women 3 times and then had sex with her, he told me this a week after he came back... told me he loves me and wants it to work out so he needed to be honest.. well he would go in this chat room all the time and the women lets say are very free... and I asked him to please not go in there I need to gain trust in him again... women would I'm him all the time... it hurt so that's why I didn't want him in there... we Friday morning I came downstairs early before he left for work and he was in that chat room... he stormed out of here. Then didn't call me all day.. so when I came home I saw him on the computer and im'd him and said what is going on... he said it's not working, he's not happy. So he left... I don't get it... he booked us a vacation for the end of May,and told me everyday how much he loves me. I am devastated... I just don't know what to do... I almost begged him to not leave... I have made such a fool of myself... and we are not young kids we are 52yrsold... but I also know when he left and moved in with his brother he started smoking cigs and smoking pot and go out to bars... I do not approve of that... I am so hurt... what on earth should I do...

[milliec]

. I am so hurt... what on earth should i do....

... put him behind , and keep him there.
There are so many opportunities, women, everywhere, it's not the chat room. The same was before the internet.
This is beside the point - it's not you who needs to trust him again -he's got to earn this trust. Trust is not something you get for free when there's a history.
He confessed it's in his favor, but it doesn't seem to hold.
Don't take any blame, don't let him make you feel guilty about anything.
It's not your fault.
There's no point to beg him to stay or come back - you should keep your dignity - you won't have a happy and healthy relationship in this way. You're not young, but this doesn't mean you should agree to an unhappy relationship, without mutual respect and trust.
I wish you the best luck in the world, you need courage and support, and people here care, and will give it to you.
You might also consider a therapist to help you through this very difficult time,
You really deserve better.
Take care,
Millie

[kp2171]

His behavior is rude, irrational, and disrespectful.

If he's not willing to talk this out and work on whatever the problem is then you need to begin to distance yourself.

I'm not a fan of giving up on vows. I think its worth some hard work to see if it can be fixed.

I'm also a realist. You deserve to be treated better than this. This isn't sustainable and he's on borrowed time at best.

Hope things change for the better... but you cannot accept to be treated like this.

[Debra]

Hi Kassie:

It appears that your hubby loves you and wants to be with you, but he also LOVES the attention he is getting from his chat room girlfriends. On the internet, he's a popular man and it feeds his ego.

While the two of you were separated, he briefly dated another woman and had sex. He told you. However, I don't think he told you about this liaison in order to be honest with you--because he loves you and wants your marriage to work. I suspect that he told you because he's proud--in his own mind--that he's 52 years old and still has "what it takes" to get other women into the sack. (He just doesn't have "what it takes" to maintain a healthy relationship with a woman after he has scored.)

Of course he wasn't HAPPY when you asked him to give up his chat room and IM romances and concentrate on the marriage. His internet fantasy life is easy and filled with instant gratification. Real life is.. . Well.. . REALITY. Real life requires effort and commitment. Real life doesn't boost his need to feed his ego a thousand times per instant message or chat room session.

Do you want a husband who is addicted to the internet and finds happiness in his fantasy life without you; or do you want a husband who is satisfied living in the real world with you? If you want the latter, then it's a good thing your husband left because it doesn't appear as though he's capable of finding a healthy balance between fantasy and reality.

Pick up the phone and call a divorce attorney. Make an appointment. Arrange to have your internet- and fantasy-addicted hubby served with a dose of reality: A summons and complaint for divorce.

Best wishes to you!

[nwsflash]

I think that it is time that you tell him " NO MORE " and move on ! I agree with the other posts, this person is being very rude and not thinking of you when he does these actions.. . Go see a lawer and get your papers drawn up ASAP.

[talaniman]

I go along with the other posters, your husband does what he does because there are no consequences for his actions. You must change that.:cool: :eek:

[s_cianci]

Give him one final chance in the form of an ultimatum ; no chat rooms, no smoking, no pot, no bars. He comes home every night to be with you, period, end of story. Otherwise you're getting a lawyer and filing for divorce. To make it easier for him get rid of your computer. If and when you need to use a computer go to your local public library. If he won't comply then make good on your promise, call that lawyer and file for divorce.

[fredg]

Hi,
I agree with the previous answer.
If you cannot get him to go to Marriage Counseling with you, then it's over.
Get a lawyer, follow his/her suggestions, and file for Separation or Divorce, whichever may apply.
My 1st marriage ended in Divorce after 7 yrs... been remarried now for 29 to a wonderful woman.
Your happiness is at stake, and life is much too short to not be happy; or at least as much as you can. I do wish you the best.

[nwsflash]

If you cannot get him to go to Marriage Counseling with you, then it's over.

That's true Fred just short and sweet but straight to the point!!

[Wildcat21]

He doesn't respect you... you don't trust him... not good - without trust and respect - forget it.

You need to go seek a marriage counselour now. If he won't go, as other have said - call the attorney.

[howards girl]

MOVE ON! You are still young, please don't waste your time

[maria26]

Whatever you decide to do, remember you only live once... before ever action I always ask myself if I will regret it and if it is a yes I never go through with it!

[alruki]

Hi Kassie:

You can based on your instinct to do so. If you feel unhappy then leave it.
:)
You should take good care yourself, love yourself and your family, go out with your friends you felt comfortable, do whatever you want/love to do etc.

Got bless you and take good care
Alruki

[Hypatia]

Someone who loves you would never treat you this way. So do you want to be married to someone who loves you or just married?

Hypatia