[armylove]

Well it's been a few days since I've been on here.. I just got a text from my ex fiancé that I need to try and move on cause he is leaving to Korea for two years in October. He also said that he still doesn't want a realstionship cause he still has to focus and needs his space and that when everything settles down then he will call me. He said that he is not coming home and that his family is meeting him in Virginia Beach before he leaves.. So now I guess this really means good bye for good I miss him truly and this is really hurting me I've already lost like ten pounds and hey that's a good thing cause I gained weight when I was living with him, so but the bad thing is when am I ever going to meet the one that is not going to break my heart? I'm tierd of being alone and not trusting anyone that comes my way. I feel like I pushed him away cause of not trusting him or am I looking for xcuses for him? I still can't believe that I opened up to him as much as I did I fell in love again and again got hurt lets see how long this one takes to heal.

Is he going to even think about us while he is there?
Is he going to miss me?
Will he even think twice or regreat what he has done to me?
Will he call while he is there?
Will he want to see me if he were to come home anytime soon?

[COOKIE MONSTER]

For a start you have to start thinking about you not him

He broke your heart
He's leaving
He wants to ring you when every thing's settled down [he must be having a laugh,he's some cheek]

I think we always look for excuses for ex's and their behaviour.
You need to stop that and get on with your life that's what he's doing

Stop looking for some one to spend the rest of your life with [just for awhile] and concentrate on you,do the things you want to do,take your time to heal
Join the gym,get a hobbie just to take your mind off things

And do me a favour don't sit waiting by the phone for him to tex or ring it'll only make you feel worse when he doesn't

[armylove]

Well was not looking for this relationship at all been single for seven years and this just kind of happened. He wanted to get married when he comes home from the army but now he has second guess's well I was hurt really bad in the past and gave up on love then he came along and look what happened? I can't believe that I let this happen but I understand that life goes on; but how do I trust another with feeling like he is going to wind up hurting me just like the other tow in the past? I love him dearly and want to know is he ever or will he ever come back to marry us? I love him that much to let him go but they say if it was true then he will guess I just answerd my own? Ha Ha

[Chery]

Hi dear.

I guess I don't quite get your title question. Are you asking why he's going to Korea, or why he is letting you know he needs his space?

I also assume from your avatar that you are a bit familiar with the military side of life. So, maybe your main issues are the five questions you listed at the end of your post.

1. Of course he's going to think about you, but his military duty is going to keep him busy too.
2. Maybe he will miss you - that depends totally on him and you have no control over it.
3. What exactly has he done to you? You wrote 'ex fiance' well that means he broke it off - but you did not state why and how long you had been together or engaged - or what happened to cause this break - unless you wrote it in another thread, which makes it difficult to keep up jumping from one thread to another - the same issue should always be kept together so that we see the whole picture.
4. The only one who can answer if he will call you is not on this forum right now, and you should be asking him.
5. Again, only he can answer this one. He just might need some time to collect his feelings and make a decision whether he does want to see you again. This depends on the circumstances of your relationship and that is something that you will eventually find out when the time comes. But, again, he's the only one that has control over this, so leave him be for a while and don't pressure him. He needs time to settle and adjust to his new duty station and will probably be busy receiving orders and instructions while inprocessing.

Being familiar with the military, you know that they will always have to be in a state of 'readiness' in case something crazy happens in the world and they get deployed somewhere else. So, nobody can guarantee that his tour of duty will be easy for him or not. Just give him some time to adjust and cope with his current situation and try not to be a main stress-factor right now.

No soldier's life gives them a chance to plan a certain future right now, and some might think it's easier to cope alone without having to break a promise to another person in their lives. Maybe he just does not want to burden you with an uncertain life and might not want you to press for answers or promises that he might not be able to keep, so give him a breather and when he's more relaxed and has a chance to plan a few certain things, he just might include you in these plans again.

As for you being able to find someone you can count on and trust, and open up to, - again, if they are in the military, there are no guarantees there at all unless you learn to accept that, you will probably not find what you are looking for in that area. Not even police, firemen, pilots or security guards in the world today have a certain and guaranteed future. But, they never have a boring moment, that's for sure.

You might want to look in an area of less daily dangerous excitement, such as doctor, mechanic, nursing, farming,etc. But that is all up to you.

No matter what your choice, I wish you all the best of luck and hope that you get the opportunity to share a good life with that someone special.

Keep in touch. Check out learning how to throw a bowling ball, play tennis, or jog through the park - maybe you'll find some new friends there.

[Fr_Chuck]

Your entire post is about "him" not you. He is gone, he said goodbye and he is moving on with his life.

It is time for you to accept the fact he is gone and start living life for you,

[armylove]

Well thank you for you response makes lots of sense.. Well we have been together going on a year. He just got out of boot camp and now is in AIT training in Maryland. We use to write and talk on the phone a lot more when he was in BT but for some reason he says he can't talk on the phone but then again he can text me... I feel like he was hiding something that he didn't want me to hear or he was in a place that he knows I would get mad.. Ether way the texting stop and then the pic mail stopped and then he started to tell me that I need to stop texting cause it's driving him crazy>> I only text when got up to say good morning and in the evening to say good night I love you how could that drive someone crazy? I feel deep inside that he is seeing someone else or maybe like he said that he needs his space to focus on him and school but how can someone be so mean and cruel so fast and seem like he has no heart at all. He use to be so loving and caring he always loved to receive my text he said that it would make his day and that he would get upset if I din't let him know how my day went at work. But now he has changed and I feel like he fell out of love or do you think he just found someone else?

[Chery]

After all the training in Boot Camp, sometimes for days without a change of clothes, out in the woods, and no rest and nothing decent to eat... also being yelled at by the training crew - honey all he thinks about is getting clean and having maybe a few hours to sleep. Military training is hard 'survival training' and they teach you how to be killers - literally - and believe me, there is no time at all to even think about 'seeing someone else'. Get real - these people are being taught how to survive in a combat environment and going to a bar, having a candlelight dinner, or even a flirty chat is the LAST thing on a soldier's mind. And when out in the field in rain, mud, and trying to rest when allowed, I would not want any dumb good morning or night-night texts either. So, get real and face some truth about what soldiers go through.

If you cannot handle this, like I said before, find someone that is not going to be in danger 24 hours a day trying to save his own life and maybe the life of the person next to him.

So, get off the 'poor me' and 'pitty pot' and respect that he's out there training to serve his country and the freedom of people like you and me. Respect this, and get on with your life. Go out and volunteer in some Vet Hospital and see some soldiers who lived through this touch life and made it back - no matter what shape they are in - they deserve some respect and help, not complaining.

Sorry to sound so harsh, but life is not just a bed of roses - watch the news and face some reality for a change - there are real guns and real enemies out there and not just a TV series where the actors go to the cantine after they get shot with fake bullets.

Again, find something to do to keep you busy and independent and stop your whining - maybe then you'll find someone who will be more than happy to spend more time with you.

[talaniman]

I can feel your heartbreak, and know first hand it really sucks. I can tell you though, that regrouping and rebuilding can make you happy, and get through this hard time as healing will happen. It will take time, but you can do this.

[liz28]

I can tell you that in order to move on and be able to completely give yourself to someone else, you must be over your past. Don't worry about if he's going miss you, regret not being with you, or will he come back, or if he's thinking about you. It sounds like he have move on and whether he has someone, you need to do the same. Life goes on and instead of being stuck on someone you need to go out and explore. Change your thought process and focus on yourself. What is done is done and can't be undone. You live and your learn.

[Guidostern]

I can tell you that I basically broke up with my girl during my last tour. I didn't want her to lose me like that, plus I had WAY TOO MUCH on my plate at the time. With him going to Korea, that's normal for anyone in the Army... just give him some time... if it is meant to be, he'll come back... don't spend your time waiting on him though. Go out and live for you. I know it's hard being single sometimes, but there can actually be a lot of good come out of this experience for you. Keep your head up and your shoulders back. The world likes it when you stand tall.