[tabbarat]

Looks like there is not going to be a birthday... I called the birthday girl to wish her a happy birthday, had a nice 5 min conversation. I asked her how she plans to celebrate... she said "not much...just a few people might come over or nothing at all"... so I wished her a happy birthday, told her to keep in touch and take care... didnt ask her anything about my ex obviously

Back to square 1 I guess... giving the ex time and distance... maybe a few more days (until it becomes 2 weeks.. then we'll see)

[hjpan]

looks like there is not gonna be a birthday...i called the birthday girl to wish her a happy birthday, had a nice 5 min convo. i asked her how she plans to celebrate...she said "not much...just a few people might come over or nothing at all"...so i wished her a happy birthday, told her to keep in touch and take care...didnt ask her anything about my ex obviously

back to square 1 i guess...giving the ex time and distance...maybe a few more days (until it becomes 2 weeks..then we'll see)

All right.. you're on the right track~
Just forget that girl..

[tabbarat]

The ex called me tonight! Hahaaaiiiiii... just to see how I was doing... I was nice on the phone (asking her how she is, how is work, etc.), but also showed her that I'm OK and that I'm having fun.. told her I went out on the weekend to party

She asked what I was doing and with who, I told her I was with "a friend" at the mall, when I was actually alone... she went quiet for a bit... it was like a normal 4 minute conversation... then towards the end, the line started cutting and could barely hear her.. and the conversation ended without a proper bye or talk to you later

So when I got home 2 hours later, I messaged "sorry about before, but i couldnt hear you very well and my friend kept asking me about what shoes she should buy! (to make her a bit jealous) anyway, it was nice talking to you. Have a good day tmrw, goodnight"

I felt it was a very plain message... no smiley faces or emotion, etc... it apologizes for the dry conversation at the end, it makes her a bit jealous, but also says that it was nice talking to her, but all in a plain way

What you think? About her calling and about my message? What is the next step? Thanks

[hjpan]

the ex called me tonight! hahaaaiiiiii...just to see how i was doing...i was nice on the phone (asking her how she is, how is work, etc.), but also showed her that im ok and that im having fun..told her i went out on the weekend to party

she asked what i was doing and with who, i told her i was with "a friend" at the mall, when i was actually alone...she went quiet for a bit...it was like a normal 4 minute conversation...then towards the end, the line started cutting and could barely hear her..and the convo ended without a proper bye or talk to you later

so when i got home 2 hours later, i messaged "sorry about before, but i couldnt hear you very well and my friend kept asking me about what shoes she should buy! (to make her a bit jealous) anyway, it was nice talking to you. Have a good day tmrw, goodnight"

i felt it was a very plain message...no smiley faces or emotion, etc...it apologizes for the dry convo at the end, it makes her a bit jealous, but also says that it was nice talking to her, but all in a plain way

what ya'll think? about her calling and about my message? what is the next step? thanks

She called you... she cut the NC~

Anyway, just let her do the wanting back...

[N0help4u]

Don't make her too jealous or she may just feel that you are happy with 'the new girl' and back off all together.

[tabbarat]

True.. she should be doing the wanting back... so that's why I backed off for almost 10 days and she called...

And about the not making her too jealous.. I thought about it.. u got to regulate it... told her I went partying and was with a friend shopping... next time, I won't mention anything

So I take it the message I sent was good? But who does the next step? Do I call in a couple of days, or do I let her call back since I sent a message?

This is so confusing.. I hate the relationship games.. single life is so much easier!

[N0help4u]

Yeah maybe next time a 'just laying back at home alone and a little down not knowing what to do this weekend''. Then it leaves the door open for her to ask if you want to join her or if you want some company.

[hjpan]

yeah maybe next time a 'just laying back at home alone and a little down not knowing what to do this weekend''. Then it leaves the door open for her to ask if you want to join her or if you want some company.

Basically, make a mini-trap to see a good plan.

[tabbarat]

Yeah.. good idea... she knows that on the weekend my roommate will be out of the country, so no wing man to party with

I'm thinking 2 options: 1) calling her on weekend... see how she is, tell her I'm bored, and see if she wants to do smthg (like u said)

2) not calling her, but calling her friends to invite them out, and tell them to tell her to come

[hjpan]

yeah..good idea...she knows that on the weekend my roomate will be out of the country, so no wing man to party with

im thinking 2 options: 1) calling her on weekend...see how she is, tell her im bored, and see if she wants to do smthg (like u said)

2) not calling her, but calling her friends to invite them out, and tell them to tell her to come

Option 2 is better~ not a direct threat.

[tabbarat]

Yeah... I think so too... 1) I messaged last 2) won't risk her saying no 3)maybe the first time seeing each other after the break up would be easier around people, then with time invite her out alone

[notbigthing]

It took me quite a long time to read through your original post and all the following posts, I think the option 1 is better, I don't think invite lots of friends is a good idea. You told her you were with a "girl". Its childish, sorry.
If I were u, I would call her, and suggest a dinner or movie or something, and be friendly to her, not confront of whether she want to be with her ex or with u, not put pressure on her, just be friendly, but let her know the door is open to her, if she want to be back to u, she is welcome.

[Chery]

but my next question is: 1) when do i call my ex again? how long is enough time for her space? 2) do i call, or wait for her to do the move?....the reason i am suggesting to call is because i believe if i want to get her back in some way, i need to be in the picture...maybe a phonecall once a week..a message here and there....because everyday i dont contact her, im sure her prick ex is calling...so i need to get back in the picture somehow,....im not saying pressure, and calling everyday, and asking to see her evrytime...but i dont see a harm in calling once in a while, lettng her know im ok with the "breakup" and that we can be friends; and that if her stupid ex fukks up again, i'll be there for her as a friend or bf

thanks guys

So, you NEED to be in the picture and you have decided that he is a prick... buddy, this is all about you and your feelings and no matter what we suggest, you will blindly stay with your plan. You are obsessed and the only way you are going to learn a lesson on this is on your own - so do what you want, when you want to. There is no recipe for handling a relationship - it all depends on your mental make-up and how you cope with rejection and from what I have read - you still have a lot to learn.

So, no matter what your choice on this issue will bring you, I wish you luck.

[tabbarat]

1) appreciate your honesty

2) yes, I believe I NEED to be in the picture if I want her back... how will I get her back if I'm living my own life and she her own.. u have to mix it up from time to time... and I know this from experience... u give a little then back off, etc... too much space isn't good either, especially if there is another guy in the picture

3) I know he is a prick because of what I've seen... the first month she was with me, he would call her and she would tell him to move on and that she has... he would call fighting... she would be with me in the car, and he would tell her "im gonna call ur sister in 5 mins, if ur not home, ur gonna have a problem!"... he sent her a ticket once so she can go back to her country... so maybe he is a nice guy, but from what I have seen, nope

4) look, I want the girl back... I feel she turned to him during a phase of stress... now that she is not getting fired anymore, and I gave her space, maybe she will think clearly again and realize that she is in the same country as me and maybe she made a mistake

5) please explain to me how staying away will get her back? It doesn't cross my mind... I never said pressure... I said maybe some contact here and there

Anyway, I bumped into her and her friends today! Talk about awkward!. (which shows that there are still feelings for me.. bc if she was normal, then it would mean she forgot about me... but awkwardness means feelings)

Anyway, I said hi to all of them, very polite and confident, had most of the conversation with her friends.. I think I had only one sentence with my ex, and I could tell she was trying to avoid looking at me a lot... but I made sure that when I left, I gave a bigger kiss on the cheek to her... kissed the other 2 girls normally, but gave my ex like a 2 second kiss on the cheek on purpose

That's what I mean: giving her the bigger kiss shows I still like her, but ignoring her during the conversation, and excusing myself later to leave shows I'm OK without her

Comments or what is the next step, anyone?

[talaniman]

You have all the answers, so what do you need any one's opinion for?? Your fooling yourself bigtime.

[tabbarat]

No talaniman... the whole point of this website is to ask for advice or help, is it not? Even ifi decide to do what I see is best for me (merely because I know the girl best), it does not mean that I don't listen to or appreciate anyone's opinion!

I read all posts and I help others with their questions as well... anyway, it may seem I have all the answers, but the truth is I am confused and do think twice before any contact or action with the ex

So, how am I fooling myself?

[Aliboosh]

this is how it goes down: my girl was with someone for 10 yrs! since she was 15...they lived together for 3 yrs...they would break up and get back, but she would always go back to him...about 6 months ago, he asked her to marry him..she rejected his because she was moving to another country for work, and bc she was willing to see what else is out there

thats where i come in...about 4 months ago, i met her at a party and we hit it off....we really started falling for each other, and started to really like each other...she told me that im the only one for her, etc...she made it clear to me that she wants to move on with me and ditch her past, and concentrate on us, but she just needed time...for example, when we would be getting sexual, she would sometimes hesitate first, because it would be the first time with someone new (other than her ex of 10yrs)...i didnt care, i really liked her, so i respected her past, respected the fact that she was with someone for so long, and didnt mind taking it slow with her until she fully forgets about him

things were going fine until, she got a warning at work..she was told to pick up her sales within 2 weeks or shes getting fired! so of course she started panicking and worrying, etc...she only wanted to stay home and never felt like going out..i would have to beg her to go out so i can see her...

after about 10 days of not seeing her and arguing a bit on the phone...she tells me the truth: for the past week me and my ex started talking again..she said she told him about work and the warning and that she told him bc he is the person that knows her best...she told me that she realized that she still has feelings for him..the exact words were, "i really like you, but i still love my ex...im really confused..maybe we should take it easy for a while, take things slow"

i havent talked to her in almost a week..let her miss me and realize what she is missing...she has a good thing with her here, dont know why she had to rekindle the past...giving her about 10 days-2 weeks to miss me...if she doesnt realize she made a mistake, i think im gonna have to forget about her

my questions are: 1) is my decision good? 2) or do i just call her and fight for her...and tell her she is making a mistake, etc...basically, what will make me get her back...fighting for her, or making her miss me?

FIGHT! And if that don't work then you can give up.

[Ithappenstoall]

I know you got close to the girl but 4 months is still a short period for you to be overthinking everything she does now and how to get her back. I know that she was stressed from work and had lot going on that may have cause the break, but could you possibly think that you were maybe a rebound to her long relation, which is why you guys really got close but eventually ended it because she never had the time to grieve and move past her 10 year relatioshiop. Just something to think about!!

[asking]

no talaniman....the whole point of this website is to ask for advice or help, is it not?! even ifi decide to do what i see is best for me (merely because i know the girl best), it does not mean that i dont listen to or appreciate anyones opinion!

i read all posts and i help others with their questions as well....anyway, it may seem i have all the answers, but the truth is i am confused and do think twice before any contact or action with the ex

so, how am i fooling myself?

Lots of people ask advice and after listening to people tell them one thing, they know more than ever that they want to do something else. But that back and forth helps! I don't think that asking a question obliges you to follow the advice you get. I hate it when people say, "So why did you bother asking me?"

Tabbarat, I think you are emotionally brave. It's much easier to fade away, never call her, and just not try. I wish you luck! You are way ahead of many people who don't know what they want. Hopefully, she will appreciate your bravery and love and come back. If it doesn't turn out, I hope you will not blame her, but think of your own efforts as coming from pure intentions that make you able to be a great lover to someone else.

[tabbarat]

Thank you! For the past week I've been getting all these posts saying "give up, move on, its a losing battle, etc."... all I'm saying is giving space to vent or let someone think things through is smthg, and giving up is smthg else... what happened to going down fighting? I'm a person that will try everything first, so that I won't have any regrets later... I know that if I just give up and HOPE she comes back, it might not work... so I gave her space for a week, and SHE called me... now I'll give her another couple of days, then I'll call her... it has to be a back and forth

Maybe I was a rebound.. of course I think about it... but I know the girl saw me as more than that... in fact, she told me that she hasn't fallen so fast for someone before me... on top of that, I know she still has feelings after these 2 weeks because of the awkwardness yesterday when we bumped into each other

And in any case, if it doesn't work out, I won't blame her... bc 1) she would have left me for an ex of 10yrs (worthy reason), its not like she met someone else or lost feelings for me.. 2) she was honest with me.. she told me the truth... other girls would have just distanced themselves.. will always appreciate that

So thank you, ASKING, your right; it is easier to just fade away

Oh.. and for all the people who are calling me "obsessive", you don't know me and sorry you guys were never truly loved.. regards :)