[hate_and_love]

Ok here is the story I have on older sister and one older brother. I have one mom and one dad. That's the family right there. My sisters constantly yells at me for not being exacatly like her I mean she yelled at me for my hair not looking pretty and she yells at me each day but I don't tell my parents about so I don't hurt the family. I've been told off by my bro too and I've done the same with him to. Whenever my dad yells at me and beats me up, he one time beat me up for not doing the dishes the "right way" I don'tt tell anyone and act like it never happened. My mom is the only one that treats me like human being. I'm constantly getting yelled at by my brother and sister and dad but I don't do anything because I don't want to hurt the family. When all of this is happening I feel like I'm dying or something like that and my school doesn't make anything better with it's gangs and druggies asking you if you want to join there gang or take a hit. Another thing that makes everything worse is my medical condtions I'm constantly getting sick but only tell my parents when I can't take the pain anymore, until then I don't tell anyone because I don't want to hurt the family. I've never told anyone about it and I've always kept my problems locked in side me. I've gotten addcited to pain killers before but by accident lucky I was able to get off them before it became a big problem in my life. I have no one to really talk to. The only girl I started to open up to is a girl my family doesn't want me to be friends with. I'm doing this all for my family because I don't want them to think of me as a burden. My bro is good at sports and my sisters is pretty and stuff like that and I was told by my mom and bby my dad that I was a mistake that they didn't want and because of me my mom almost died in an accident and my bro and sis sometimes use that agasint me. But I don't do anything about it I guess I'm trying to be the all good girl trying to be the perfect daughter or something like that because I don't want them to believe I was just that one mistake that they had. But now I's getting way to hard and I'm starting to think about doing suicide. I've done all of this and I still think my family deservers better. Do I care too much for my family or am I just trying to show them that I'm not the mistake they had.. I'm also scared of opening up to people I know because I'm scared I might scare them away with my problems.. Thats why I talk to strangers on the internet but then I get so angry at it for doing it and I stop going to the website.I think it's probably because I have like really good friends but then I think why don't I tell them and that pisses me off. I'm trying my best not to get so angry about it though that's why I'm here.

[rsain2004]

Life can be a "Murky" situation, sometimes. First, none of us asked to be here... so how can anyone claim someone "was a mistake"? Blaming some one for ones' problems in life, which everyone has, is "bullying". Which you are experiencing right now. Sometimes people can be like a pack of animals, whom all attack the one perceived to be weakest. This is a strong indication they are afraid of something, which may not be you. Your patience is a sign of strength, which will be good for you in life. Among tribal cultures children are part of the tribe, which is "a family" of hundreds of people. What about talking to your grandparents, uncles or aunts, or a councilor? No matter what your immediate family problems may be... no-one deserves to be treated this way, it's what convicts experience in prison. May God bless you...