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lareynatina12 · Aug 17, 2008, 09:02 AM

I am new to this site. I joined because I found many of the Q&A's helpful to me. Although I still have some concerns about my daughters father. Me and my 3 y.o. daughter live with my mom. I just recently put him on child support because he was not helping at all. Even though he has still yet to pay anything. He now lives with his girlfriend and they have a baby together (6 months). I get along with her and the baby. He does not even have a job, child support had to judge how much he will pay a month by assuming minimum wage. Him, his girl, and their baby come to my house all the time just so the kids can get to know each other since their sisters. Me and him don't talk at all to each other. My daughter hates when I make her spend time with him. I only do this because my father was not in my life and it wish he was. He is an alcoholic and drinks consistently everyday. When he asks me to let her spend the night, I tell him NO because all 3 of them share 1 room and my daughter will be so uncomfortable. He calls me sometimes but only to argue about why I don't ever tell him things about his daughter. For example, my mom is taking my daughter on vacation for 5 days to Florida, I cannot go because of work, and as soon as he found out he called me harassing me about why I didn't ask him if she could go, and now that he is paying child support he has the right, and I can't take her out of the state without his consent. and that he will take me to court because I am not giving him his rights as a father, and lets not forget that whenever he talks to me its always with curse words with fat B*tch and dumb ho*. But I let him see her whenever, he is even allowed in my house whenever despite the way he treats me. And he is moving to another state soon and always tells everyone that he is going to take her with him, and if not then spend summers down there. Can he do that? Just take my daughter whenever he wants to? Come in my house because his baby lives here? Take me to court so he can get her? I love my daughter so much and I just wish that he would leave us alone, but I don't know what to do. Can someone please help.

JamieC20 · Aug 17, 2008, 09:15 AM

The state you live in will have a lot of bearing on what rights he has and what is upheld. AL, for example, is a mother friendly state. They almost always side with the mother. GA is a father friendly state - more of a challenge for the mother. OH is - I forget the right term - but it means equal rights for both parents. There is free legal advice out there. That, plus the Department of Human Resources office in the county in which you live should be able to provide sound advice and guidance. I hope something I've said here is helpful to you. Good luck.

N0help4u · Aug 17, 2008, 09:19 AM

Other than child support orders it doesn't sound like you went to court for custody/visitation orders so at this point with no custody orders he doesn't legally have any say about your daughter. Did you ask him why if he is paying child support you haven't seen a dime of it yet?
No he can not just come in your house and take your daughter when he wants
He can and will eventually think of it to take you to court for his custody/visitation rights
Right now he would rather get her on his terms at his convenience, when he wants.
Without a court order you can simply tell him not today.
Maybe he wouldn't bother going to court until after the vacation. Then he has no say really.

Child support and custody are viewed as two separate issues and paying or not paying child support is not contingent upon it. He can not pay and still have rights. He can pay but that doesn't give him more rights. A mother is not legally to withhold visitations due to lack of child support. Just to make the support/custody/visitation thing clearer.
Generally in typical situations the father would get the child every other weekend, some holidays and some summer vacation time. But he has to follow the order, not when he feels like it, and you can document when he misses.

stinawords · Aug 17, 2008, 09:34 AM

Was there any order of visitation put in place? If not then he can go to court to get visitation and you would have to follow that order. As already said we need to know what state you are in before giving out too much more advice because each state varies.

lareynatina12 · Aug 17, 2008, 09:44 AM

I live in MD in Montgomery County. And yes I have only put him on child support nothing else. So I shuld go and put in a visitation order before he does? But I want my daughter on holidays and summer vacation. And I don't want her to spend weekends with him. Those are the times me and my daughter spend with each other. She is my only daughter. And I want to be with her on summer vacations and holidays and weekends. Can the court just order that he see her on non-holidays and for a couple hours not to sleepover?

stinawords · Aug 17, 2008, 09:49 AM

That is completely up to the judge. You can say what you would like but don't be too pushy about it because the judge will be less likely to do what you want. Politley request what you would llike and show proof that she would be better with you during the holidays. It is about the child not you sorry.

N0help4u · Aug 17, 2008, 09:50 AM

If you are not able to tell him no when he wants her then you should that way you have a court order to back you up that those are not his days.
If you can put your foot down and tell him no then I would wait and let him go to court for the orders.
With the court order most likely he would get the weekends if she is in school. But if it is convenient enough then he could get her after school if it can be done in a way that works for everybody and isn't a stress for your daughter during school days.
He wouldn't get her all summer or on all holidays. He would get her alternating like
Fathers day, Thanksgiving one year and then alternate Christmas the next,
He would get either a one week, two week or possibly month or alternating weeks in the summer depending on what works best for all of you.

cdad · Aug 17, 2008, 11:13 AM

Originally Posted by lareynatina12

I live in MD in Montgomery County. And yes I have only put him on child support nothing else. So I shuld go and put in a visitation order before he does? but I want my daughter on holidays and summer vacation. And I dont want her to spend weekends with him. Those are the times me and my daughter spend with each other. She is my only daughter. and i want to be with her on summer vacations and holidays and weekends. Can the court just order that he see her on non-holidays and for a couple hours not to sleepover?

Ok, there has to be some kind of order for visitation otherwise they couldn't set child support for him. They have to start somewhere. You need to really look at the paperwork you have already. Who is handleing your child support case ? Is it a state agency ? Is the father on the birth certificate ? Was DNA taken and confirmed ?

N0help4u · Aug 17, 2008, 11:23 AM

Wouldn't just a simple custody order stating mother has sole custody be good enough to establish support and then revised later possibly as long as paternity has been established?

liz28 · Aug 17, 2008, 11:30 AM

I understand that you want her for weekends, holidays, and summer but your going to have to share her and he may be entiltle to some of these weekends, holidays and during the summer. If you feel he has a drinking problem or don't have the right living arrangements, then you need to express these concerns. Otherwise, again your going have to share.

Fr_Chuck · Aug 17, 2008, 11:52 AM

Fathers have rights, and in court he will be granted specific days, ( including over night) weekends and even summer weeks, unless there is a seroius enough reason for the court not to allow visits.

All this needs to be settled in court

cdad · Aug 17, 2008, 03:57 PM

Originally Posted by N0help4u

Wouldn't just a simple custody order stating mother has sole custody be good enough to establish support and then revised later possibly as long as paternity has been established?

Usually when they do a write up to calculate child support and an order is generated it states on there what percentage of time is spent with the NCP. Now if mom has sole custody ( physical ) then NCP time would be 0. If that's not stated anywhere then they would be in violation of his rights as a parent. Anything that got decided could be overturned. I myself have never seen one that isn't written in some way to show visitation or custody regarding the NCP even when its 0. It doesn't change much but at least the OP could use it for not letting him see the child so he has to go back to court to get anything.

lareynatina12 · Aug 17, 2008, 05:37 PM

Well he was there at her birth and signed the certificate. No DNA was taken. And to get child support was easy there was no court or anything just hearings. But I think I shuld take him to court to get sole custody. If I am understanding correctly that would be my best choice. Especially since he is moving to Texas and we live in MD. How do I proceed to get documented custody of her?

stinawords · Aug 17, 2008, 05:54 PM

You go back to the same court that you went to for support but this time petition the judge for custody.

ScottGem · Aug 17, 2008, 07:14 PM

Since he signed the because he is the legal father. As such he has rights to be a part of decisions about her life.

Does he have the right to say she can't go on vacation? I doubt if the courts would agree.

I don't think you should open the can of worms about custody or visitation. Let him rant about it, but unless he wants to take you to court, that's all he can do.

lareynatina12 · Aug 26, 2008, 08:04 PM

Thanks for all the help but it seems like I should keeps things the way they are because if I go to court things might get worse.

cdad · Aug 27, 2008, 06:54 PM

Originally Posted by lareynatina12

Well he was there at her birth and signed the certificate. no DNA was taken. and to get child support was easy there was no court or anything just hearings. but I think i shuld take him to court to get sole custody. If iam understanding correctly that would be my best choice. especially since he is moving to Texas and we live in MD. how do I proceed to get documented custody of her?

No court ? Are you sure about that? Ive never heard of anything that can be levied against another person that hasn't passed through a judge. In court you have hearings and trials. Hearings are much shorter in duration usually. Where did your hearings take place ?