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hungtoronto · Aug 15, 2008, 07:00 AM

My girlfriend moved out of my place 3 weeks ago. We have been together for over a year. We had alots of ups and downs. A week later after she moved out I went crazy and try to beg her to come back but she turn me down. I even went to work place a few time but she keep pushing me away. I know it's not my fault this happen but I got really desperate. I am OK now. Every time I text her try to work things out she blame me for all the pain I caused her. All blames. Before it was easy every time she got upset I was able to calm her down. I got upset and stop calling her because of all the blames. A few days later she text me and said she missed me. The next day I call her, she hung up and she said she's still unconfortable to talk. I got really upset and we got into a fight again. Now I didn't contact her for two days. I know I have to accept this and move on. I still got urges to contact her but it gets better. I try not to think about it. What advices can you give me on this?

Guidostern · Aug 15, 2008, 07:14 AM

Sounds like we're in the same boat... I'm still trying to save my relationship of 5 years as I type. I get a lot of the blame for the way things have been, but I'm beginning to realize that you got to give them space. Just keep up what you're doing now with the NC. Cooler heads prevail and once you've both cleared your minds, things could work out. Just make sure she doesn't have all the power over you.

Romefalls19 · Aug 15, 2008, 07:37 AM

Read the stickies at the top of the forum and continue with NC... It will take time but you will get through this

Roborat · Aug 15, 2008, 07:48 AM

Sounds like the actions of someone who wants to finish with you but can't bear the thought of you not being theirs. Don't contact her, why should you keep trying to reconcile - relationships are a two way thing. In my opinion, this is finished - walk away with your dignity and have a bit of fun. If she tries to get back then its up to you but I would make her do all the work. Sadly, from experience these things just keep going round in circles until someone does actually does something to change or ends it completely.

talaniman · Aug 15, 2008, 11:32 AM

Keeping NC is the way to go, as you regroup, and rebuild a life without her.

hungtoronto · Aug 15, 2008, 12:07 PM

I guess she really want to end it otherwise why would she keep pushing me away. I have a very strong principal and I am rational. I rather be hurt but I won't let someone disrespect me. I will not take all the blames. How come she got off so easy or is she hiding it or she has someone else? I feel a lot better now than a few weeks ago. How come the guys always get it worse than the girls. Seem like girls can always find somebody else to fill their voids.

hungtoronto · Aug 17, 2008, 02:06 PM

Originally Posted by Roborat

Sounds like the actions of someone who wants to finish with you but can't bear the thought of you not being theirs. Don't contact her, why should you keep trying to reconcile - relationships are a two way thing. In my opinion, this is finished - walk away with your dignity and have a bit of fun. If she tries to get back then its up to you but I would make her do all the work. Sadly, from experience these things just keep going round in circles until someone does actually does something to change or ends it completely.

I haven't talk to her for almost a week now. She still have my phone which I paid for. She txt me a few days ago and said she wanted to pay me $20 a month which is less than the $35 I paid a month. Should I cancel the phone? I didn't respond. She txt one of my friend also and it seem she still blames me. Please advise.

terellowens · Aug 17, 2008, 03:43 PM

Yeah obviously cancel the phone and end the relationship... she still blames you and will continue to do so...

Ash123 · Aug 17, 2008, 04:14 PM

Sounds like a lot of drama and fighting. Leave her alone. As for the phone, if you need to deal with it, just cut it off or if you want to be nice: text her that you want to give her time to get her own phone so you will pay for one more month before you end service. That seems fair. Nothing else to talk about. She left. You owe her nothing other than leaving her alone. She will respect you more if you go away and give her space and silence.
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hungtoronto · Aug 18, 2008, 07:14 AM

Originally Posted by Ash123

Sounds like a lot of drama and fighting. Leave her alone. As for the phone, if you need to deal with it, just cut it off or if you want to be nice: text her that you want to give her time to get her own phone so you will pay for one more month before you end service. That seems fair. Nothing else to talk about. She left. You owe her nothing other than leaving her alone. She will respect you more if you go away and give her space and silence.
Only ANSWER the question on this page here. Do NOT ASK a question.

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A few days ago she txt one of my friend and say hi. My friend ask her if she still love me and she said a little and explain to her why it didn't work out which are more blames. She said one of the reason is her family doesn't like me because I yelled at her in front of them this is a one time thing. I am a little bit disappointed. I mean I take her in and take care of her when she didn't have any money and no job. Now after she has a good job she leaves and really hates me. Should I answer her regarding her paying me $20 a month for the phone or I should just do the NC thing?

Ash123 · Aug 18, 2008, 07:54 AM

Hung,

I think its over.

One bit of advice: don't yell at your next girl. It's better to talk things out.

And hang in there...

We're here when you need.

Roborat · Aug 18, 2008, 08:03 AM

Meh, I wouldn't listen to her inane ramblings that her family don't like you because you yelled at her. If you yelled and had reason then that's perfectly acceptable, if you just randomly lost the plot then I can see how that would bother her family. There is nothing wrong with getting annoyed, its human nature and to be perfectly honest I find people who never loose the head more discomforting - NOTE, when I say yell I mean raise you voice and show passion, not scream blue murder! You seem like a bloke with his head screwed on, go with your gut feeling and don't back down - sounds to me like you have done a lot for her and she has now gotten what she can and is possibly aiming higher. If she is telling friends that she still loves you 'a little', well that's no good in my book but I'm not sure where your esteem levels are. About the phone, if she is ditching you then cancel it.. I don't see why you should succumb to sentimentality when she clearly isn't.

hungtoronto · Aug 18, 2008, 08:16 AM

Originally Posted by Roborat

Meh, i wouldn't listen to her inane ramblings that her family don't like you because you yelled at her. If you yelled and had reason then thats perfectly acceptable, if you just randomly lost the plot then i can see how that would bother her family. There is nothing wrong with getting annoyed, its human nature and to be perfectly honest i find people who never loose the head more discomforting - NOTE, when i say yell i mean raise you voice and show passion, not scream blue murder! You seem like a bloke with his head screwed on, go with your gut feeling and don't back down - sounds to me like you have done a lot for her and she has now gotten what she can and is possibly aiming higher. If she is telling friends that she still loves you 'a little', well thats no good in my book but im not sure where your esteem levels are. About the phone, if she is ditching you then cancel it.. i don't see why you should succumb to sentimentality when she clearly isn't.

Hi Bobrat,

She is the only person that I take care the most since non of my exes are that dependent. I even try to be closed to her boss by helping her so that her boss treat her better than everyone else. I took care of all the bills since she didn't make a lot of money. I yell mean raise my voice and I am stupid enough to try to beg her to come back when she left. I think the reason for all the blames is because I am the chaser now. I did the NC for a week now. I still have urges to call and text but I resisted it. The reason I didn't cancel the phone is because I had to pay $400 to cancel because the contract is still there. I'll probably transfer the phone to her name so she can take care of the bill herself.

Ash123 · Aug 18, 2008, 08:48 AM

It's hard to remember, but just because we do things for people does not mean they will do things for us... and of course, what we buy them cannot make them love us.

I think that this is a good sign that she is not right for you right now... you are giving more than you get.

Not fair right?

Let her go. Get that phone in her name.

And find someone you can give and take and share with.

hungtoronto · Aug 18, 2008, 02:16 PM

Originally Posted by Ash123

It's hard to remember, but just because we do things for people does not mean they will do things for us...and of course, what we buy them cannot make them love us.

i think that this is a good sign that she is not right for you right now...you are giving more than you get.

not fair right?

let her go. get that phone in her name.

and find someone you can give and take and share with.

Should I answer her regarding the $20 dollar that she will pay me per month or should I ignore her for now. She txt me regarding this 3 days ago.

hungtoronto · Aug 18, 2008, 02:19 PM

Man, I feel so depressed sometime. It's up and down. One day I am happy and the next I am not. It sux.

Ash123 · Aug 18, 2008, 03:56 PM

$20 per month?

For what?

You need space and so does she? I think that sounds silly...
If this is about the phone, just tell her it's in her name by September... the end.

Roborat · Aug 19, 2008, 12:54 AM

Hi Hungtoronto

Sounds like you do too much for her and she is taking it for granted. If you do everything for her and put yourself down as a mat, then don't be surprised when she starts walking all over you.

Women and men alike want a challenge and I'm not talking about squaring up to her with clenched fists. There is a saying 'nice guys finish last' and although I don't believe that, I do think there is some element of truth to it. I used to be naïve and I would go out of my way to be the perfect boyfriend, I would never argue, fall in line with any decisions and all it ever won me was heartache. Im 31 now, have a wealth of experience and I can tell you that you need to be able to play the game.

My current relationship is going well and that's because both myself and my girlfriend have to try, we both have to make sacrifices and it shows the other half that although you may not want to do something, that you think they are worth it and will do it. If you constantly do everything asked then she will not see it as you making a sacrifice at all. Also, people want to go out with a strong person, I'm not talking about physically but someone who has principals and beliefs and will stick to them. You need to show that you are confident in yourself and she will then be confident in you - A simple example of this would be that in my past I used to get annoyed when my girlfriend would flirt with blokes. I know now that its just something that women need to do to give them confidence... men can get better with age whereas women think that they just get old and ugly, therefore they need the lift that getting chatted up gives them. As I said I used to get annoyed, now I don't.. if I'm not happy with it and feel like I'm being neglected, I will walk over to the best looking girl in the bar and start talking to her and believe me, when that happens my girlfriend is pretty quick to come over - problem resolved, no arguments and your point has been made. If I sat there sulking or came over and started arguing or starting a fight then I would be to blame and I would be damaging the relationship.

Don't get me wrong, I hate 'the game' but after years of thinking that you just do your best and things will happen - I know better. You do need to play it a bit and like everything on life, you do need to work to make it work! Please don't take this advice as me telling you to change completely and become a woman hating monster. You can still be a caring loving bloke but also have an edge too.

Finally, in regards to the phone... do you have it or access to it? If not then why is she expecting you to pay for it, and more to the point why are you even thinking about doing so? If she won't take the full contract then I would cancel it. I wouldn't care if it costs $400, it's the principal of it. She has decided that she doesn't want you so why not do as she wishes. Let her stand on her own two feet. Stop being a safety net... the only way she will see you in the proper light is when you aren't there anymore - its unfortunate, but that's life. As a female friend once told me after we finally got it out of her that her current boyfriend was abusing her when he was drunk - 'I used to think that my ex was the most boring bloke on earth but I would give anything to get back with him now'

hungtoronto · Aug 19, 2008, 05:54 AM

Originally Posted by Roborat

Hi Hungtoronto

Sounds like you do too much for her and she is taking it for granted. If you do everything for her and put yourself down as a mat, then don't be surprised when she starts walking all over you.
'

Hi Robobat,

The reason it didn't work out is, like what you said it seem like I give her more than she actually giving me. I paid all the bills including the mortgage payment. She paid me 300 a month. I only expects her to cook and clean but she was never good at it and stop cooking all together. And overtime I stop giving, I got bored and don't care anymore because I don't see a future. It seem like what I give her is not enough she expect a lot more out of me. Like you said love is an investment, if you give her everything you have she'll take you for granted and leave.

hungtoronto · Aug 19, 2008, 06:11 AM

I text her this morning regarding the phone I said "you can transfer the phone to your name that way you don't have to pay me call and talk to the rep"

She call me back right away 3 times which I didn't pick up the phone afraid that I would get hurt.

She text me back saying sorry but I don't want to make you think if you have my mail leave it in front of your door so I can come pick up. She also said she'll call and transfer the phone to her name.