The problem for inappropriate blaming others for our own poor choices is that we keep feeling we have none of the real power & control over our lives & what happens in them. Your H good or bad didn't make you cheat, your marriage good or bad didn't make you cheat, only your own poor choices let the affair "happen". And you certainly could have stopped it from taking place at all.
By trying to avoid accepting full responsibility for what you did, you are saying bad circumstances "make" you do things that ultimately will only create even more problems & complications in your life. It would be like saying getting into debt "made" you rob a bank.
Whatever problems did exist, bringing someone else into the picture will only bring more. If your marriage was bad before & your H difficult to deal with, him finding out that even before the first yr of his marriage to you an affair took place isn't going to improve either the marriage or his disposition by any means.
In one sentence you say your H loves you a lot & in the next you list things that aren't very loving. In one sentence you say you love your H & in the next admit you are lying (if only by omission) & cheating on him which isn't very loving either. And it is very typical that once an attraction to someone else is acted on, the betrayed partner is constantly seen in the most negative light & the history of the relationship wrongfully altered as well to be a lot worse than it really was. That makes it easier to act on & continue an affair.
You say your H is always busy at work & sulking. Is he working that much because he's trying to pay your bills, provide a good future for you (plus any possible kids) & his "sulking" may simply be exhaustion from his job stress? Or is he purposely putting that many hours & effort into his job because he enjoys being away from you & doesn't care if he gets much time off or not? Is it possible for him to work less at all or is he locked into that? If he can't, blaming him for not being around is unfair. He's not gone from hitting the bars blowing money till all hrs hitting on other women which would certainly be a legit complaint but not a valid reason for an affair either.
So until you get out of the affair, it will be harder for you to even accurately see the issues in yourself, your H or the marriage that need to be addressed in order for a good healthy mutually beneficial marriage to actually be possible. Or for you to accurately gauge what are your best choices for a good life with partners that truly care about you consistently in it.
I strongly urge you to get some professional help to help sort out what is going on with you, your marriage & hopefully your H will be a part of that so you can still have a great marriage together. You do have a long history together so the things that brought & kept you together this long may still be worth preserving or not, but you will need help to sort that out. Professional help, not from a biased affair accomplice.
This guy knew you were married & a newlywed but continued to let the affair happen, showing he has no respect for your marriage or you for that matter. A real friend doesn't help you lie, cheat & steal things that belong to your spouse (by your voluntary choice) for his own benefit such as your sexuality & loyalty. For obviously you felt more loyal to your "friend" than to your H when you consummated the affair with him.
Being caring for someone you want to have as a part time lover isn't that difficult a feat, so giving him credit for that may not be all that merited. A real friend would have told you that he cared & respected you & your friendship too much to take advantage of you when you were in a such a vulnerable state & recommended you see a marriage counselor with your H instead of seducing you (even if you did want that too).
Even if it is true your H is a real jerk, not doing some deep soul searching (totally honestly about your strengths, weaknesses & prior choices) to see how you contributed to what is going on in the marriage now, will not help you prevent that from happening again. Next thing you know, you will be in another relationship that will be unsatisfactory most likely in similar ways to what you have now & the then what?
Will you keep using cheating as a coping strategy when a relationship gets difficult and/or unsatisfactory? Because ALL relationships that last any length of time will be that at some point or another. The difference is that the ones that last in a good way are ones where those things are worked through with your spouse in a loving way together. That is a life long project if you want to be in a marriage that lovingly & passionately lasts for decades, not just as long as it's convenient.
And if you keep looking for other people to make & keep you happy, you will also be on the wrong track to learning what true happiness is much less have it be a constant in your life, which is something you have to create for yourself from the inside out.
It may not be too late to make things right in your marriage, but the longer you stay in the affair, the more difficult it will be to repair the damage. And if you want out, the only fair thing to do is get out of the marriage so you can do what you want to without having to take a H into consideration at all.
Here's a book that can help you learn how to develop the happiness habit:
Amazon.com: Happy for No Reason: 7 Steps to Being Happy from the Inside Out: Marci Shimoff, Carol Kline: Books
There are tons of great books to help improve your marriage & deal with the affair fallout but professional help in addition to those would be the best option. If you would like some recommendations, I'd be glad to give them to you.