[trouble0990]

I'm having a hard time right now being at home. I'm about to give up on people for support, but a friend told me I should look into forums and stuff first. So here's my situation. I'm 15, I currently live at home, but I can't stand it! I was "hospitalized" for a while for cutting and suicidiation. I'm still having a lot of those thoughts, and I cut a lot. I stopped relying on people for help because on the inside I don't think they care. I HATE my dad with a passion. I can't stand him, and I don't like my mom too much either. My dad smacks me around and he hits me, and beats me up, and every time someone from the state (like the cops, or Child Protective Services) gets involved, my mom somehow finds someway to convince them that I'm lying, and no one will listen to me. My mom is bipolor and she has other psychotic issues to. My dad always talks about my weight because I'm a little over weight (not much though) and it really hurts, and as much as I've tried to tell him, I don't think he cares. On top of that, I hear a lot of stuff in my head, that I can't control, and I can't seem to make it go away. I really need to get away from this lifestyle, and I'm tired of living like this, but I don't think I can get better when I've surrounded by people that are just as f***ed up as I am. Can someone please tell me something that I haven't already heard?

[phillysteakandcheese]

Dealing with pain and anger is a difficult and lengthy process.

Before you do anything extreme, I would ask that you:

• Make an honest inventory of your feelings and situation. Try to look at things from other people's perspectives. Try to make an honest assessment of things as they really are, un-clouded by your feelings.
• Really consider whether or not you can accept some's help. No one else will be able to help you, unless you honestly want and can accept their help.

I am sure that your situation is much more complex than your post, and I certainly do not know the details of you and your situation, however -

If you truly believe your parents are unfit to take care of you, you have to go back to the police, the hospital, CPS, a teacher, or even a trustworthy friend and present the facts of your situation as openly and honestly as you can, and ask for their help.

If you are exaggerating for sympathy - be honest with yourself about it.

It may not seem like it at times, but you have a great deal of control over your life.

• You can choose to help yourself out of a bad situation and work hard at making every day a better one in your life.
• You can easily choose to do nothing and just wallow in your anger and convince yourself how sad you are.

You may also think a lot of the psychology the doctors/counsellors are teaching you is BS. Sure, some of it is, but if you truly want help, you're going to have to drop the "no one can understand me" shield and be open to what these professionals are trying to teach you. It will help.

And whether you believe or not... a little prayer to God never hurts... ;)

[talaniman]

You need to find out why you have so much anger. Talk to someone you trust.

[cutiegrl]

Well, you can't cut people out of your life. You need to trust someone and rely on them. Every one needs someone to talk to rather it be a friend, counselor or someone. I recommend you find a way to get out of the house. It seems to me your parents are just making your situation worse. Try a school counselor or do you have a relative you could turn to. There is always someone out there that can help you. You just need to find that person.

I'm here if you ever need to talk.

[Hypatia]

Real Life advice: You are 15 and if you go to a foster home, life will still continue to suck in ways you dont see. At least at home the issues are predictable.
You need to try to stck it out and stop hurting yourself. The real only way out is to put everything you have into school so you can get a scholarship to a college far away and get the ***** out of the house.
CPS is a joke in every state. They only take kids that will pay to take them. Being that you are so old, you will not be high priority on their nab and grab list. There is a business to CPS, do not think they are there to actually help you.
A good move would be call a cop. Just look up a child investigations cop and call them. Tell them you really need a mentor and ask if they have time to help. They are used to dealing with situations like yours and could aim you towards a cool friend who can help you cope.
Self mutilation is a way of expressing pain in a way others cannot share. It is a personal thing. You tiptoe between sanity and insanity, between death and life. You like this power because you control it in a life you feel you have no control over.
You need to stop this though. It will only make people think bad of you because they do not understand it. They will try to label you "depressed, psychotic, ADD, ADHD, etc " kid when all thats wrong are your parents suck and you are not being raised in an emotionally loving environment.
Most people have had a life like yours. Dont think yours is unique or special. Do not think you deserve more because of your home life either. It will never come. You are the only way out. Remember this.
So main goals, find a cop for a mentor. This will stop dear ol dad from beating you if he knows your new best friend is a cop. Throw your next 3 years into school, it is your only way out. Flipping burgers after high school will only pay for so much. Go for a scholarship, not a McDonalds career.
If you need friends, try the outsiders at your school. Usually they have a life like yours and this is why they dont fit in. They dont want to. They dont want the truth to come out.

If you need more, message me. I am a hermit, outsider, rebel with a cause. I can always need a cool friend to chat with.

Hypatia

[ashley19]

Hi trouble
I used to cut myself as well and I think you should take serious steps to change your life... I did it you can too.. im currently studying to become a social worker in the uk and over here any way child protective services would take immediate action if you did not want to stay in the house due to abuse.. if you have family or close friends you could stay with I would recommend asking them to stay there because a home may be tough on you.. honestly your situation is difficult because of your age but if you really need to get out of there tell cps or even a teacher @ your school because they will get a social worker involved who can determine options for you...
Hope this helps
Keep us posted trouble
Xoxoxo

[fredg]

Hi, trouble,
I probably can't tell you anything you haven't already heard; and guess what? People are online, too, in chatrooms, and forums!
I am sorry to read about all these issues, and sounds like you have really tried to change things. My suggestion is to check out some Support Groups in your local area; people who are going through, or have been through, what you are experiencing. They can help, if you want to listen to them. They can also offer some good advice.
Local Support Groups should be listed in your local phone book, and even Social Services should have a listing.
I do wish you the best, and good luck.