[cantbelieveit]

I was with my boyfriend for over 5yrs, lately he had been very distant to the point of ignoring me. This has happened in the past when we have problems in our relationship so I knew something was wrong. This time was a little different because he treated me very different almost like he didn't want me around very cold to me which was very unlike him. We have been living together for over 2yrs so this treatment was getting to me. We were supposed to be working on our relationship since a few month back we talked about splitting up but he said he thought we could work on it since we had already invested a lot into us. I was glad he felt this way and thought it meant something but now I guess he just felt obligated or something. So what it comes down to is he was emailing, phoning and texting and more recently starting to see his good friends wife. His treatment towards me directly corresponds with their little secret affair behind my back. It makes me so mad because she was over our place for BBQ and hang out every now and then with her husband over the last few months acting like she was my friend. She went so far as to probe me with questions about my relationship and when were we getting married because we should. She seemed jealous of my relationship with my boyfriend because he "was" a good guy to me. He knew her before me because he was roommates with her husband. She has an unhappy marriage so I am guessing that is why it was easy for her to pursue things with my boyfriend at the time. I always thought my boyfriend had integrity and would never do such a thing to one of his best friends let alone me. The other guy (her husband) isn't perfect but he has made it clear that he values my boyfriends friendship and would do anything for him if he needed him. I confronted my boyfriend about the phone calls and texts I found so he knew I had proof he was doing something wrong with her and couldn't lie. Before when I knew something was wrong I told him there was someone else other than our relationship was just not going to work out and he told me "oh it's a conspiracy now" there isn't anyone else. I threw that in his face letting him know I was right all along. He admitted it but made it sound like they were kidding around at first and when it got out of hand he ended it. Little does he know I know more than he thinks I do and he doesn't know that I've seen ALL their emails. I told him what would his brother think of all his actions (his brothers wife cheated on him and my boyfriend saw how hard that was on him). So anyway I left him and I'm wanting to confront her and tell her husband (he's clueless) or my ex-boyfriends brother so he can talk some sense into him. She is conniving and manipulative and she has already ruined my life and begun to ruin his. If his friend found out he wouldn't have any friends left. His good friend would tell their other friends and they would all disown him and lose all respect for him. I just don't understand what would make such a seemingly stand up guy pull a 360 and go and cheat with one of his best friends wife? Was it the excitement... or did he like her all along like before me? Is it wrong for me to want to send her a message letting her know how I feel? Before I left I saw she had emailed him that she felt awful and shameful (he told her we broke up and I knew about them but not everything and I left largely due to them) and that I would think bad about her but it was OK because she already thought bad of herself. She is married with kids and all I had was my little life with my boyfriend now I feel like I have nothing, it's so sad. I keep trying to ignore my emotions and just be logical but it's so very hard to accept when all I want to do is understand why it turned out like this. Let me add I have access to his email account and I really really want to forward some of the damaging emails to her husband. It would come from my ex's account so it would be so obvious what she was doing.

[talaniman]

" hell hath no fury............................""

I know your hurt , angry, betrayed, and a whole lot of other emotions, and none good at this time. Before you do anything, calm down.

[Romefalls19]

Calm down, think things over. Telling her will do more harm then good. Just let it go and karma will come back around on them

[terellowens]

I say tell the friend not the wife :) I know I would!

[plonak]

I suggest you don't get into it.. It's not your business anymore unfortunately because you're not with him anymore..

I suggest you let fate or carma or whatever work itself out.. if she wants to tell her husband she's cheating than that's her deal, it shouldn't come from you.. it's not your business.. it will feel good in the beginning but in the end you will have regrets that you intervined in a family that has children.. I know you're mad that she inteviened in your life but God teaches us to "turn the other cheek" for a reason..

It must be a horrible ordeal for you.. and I sympathize greatly for you.. but you seem to be putting all the blame on the woman that cheated, your boyfriend is a grown man that should be responsible for his own actions.. he decided to cheat as well, focus on him and not her.. he's the one that betrayed you..

I suggest you move on and don't contact him anymore.. you can be angry but work out your feelings and don't let them fester or hide them, talk to people that want to listen.. get yourself esteem back up, so that you won't find another man that will do the same thing.. try new hobbies, meet new people, it will be hard, very hard, but you will look back at this one day and be thankful that you found out before things got WAY serious with this guy (like marriage).

[busterite]

First of all you should feel lucky that all this happened now and not later when you could have been in a marriage and had kids with this guy. Secondly I think that for the time being you should calm down and I don't think you should get involved in any way by saying anything to his friend or his brother as this will only complicate things more. You don't want to be in the middle of it all.

[Synnen]

I would personally send a COMPLETELY anonymous letter to your ex-boyfriend's friend that he should have DNA testing done for his children, and that he should get himself checked for STDs, because his wife has been unfaithful to him, and you are the exgirlfriend of one man she cheated with.

Do NOT identify yourself, but he DOES have a right to know that his wife is risking his life with non-monogamous behaviour.

I would also get checked for STDs myself, if I were you.

And then I would move on, and have nothing to do with any of them from that point on.

[liz28]

I would tell and move on. It's unfair that your ex is screwing his friend wife, while the friend have no idea. I would not sit back and wait for karma because sometimes it takes too long. Synn idea was a good one and you should do it and heal.

[cantbelieveit]

Thanks so much for all your input. I don't know why it is so very hard to do the right thing and just strike out the past and move forward immediately. Today is the first day after I left so the wound is still fresh. It is taking everything in me not to dwell on the fact that they are still going around in secrecy and having this sick affair. I wish I could be like my ex and have no conscience. He doesn't care what happens to me and here I am heart broken over the hurt and betrayal from him. He said he doesn't believe in Karma but he knew what he was doing was wrong. I read this article titled Affairs are anything but Love. I really want to send it to them both so they would understand how wrong what they are doing is and that it is just infatuation not love. My ex hates kids and is willing to take her on with 2 kids along with knowing that they are the children of his friend he's known since high school. I'll have to look at it like this either someone will catch them and it will blow up in their face or they will end up together and see how unhappy they end up after the infatuation dies. My ex isn't as great as she thinks he is. She probably has some fantasy that he is more than he is. And he thought I nagged him. I've heard how she talks to her husband it's terrible. Either way they will lose and end up in their own hell. It may take time but I'm sure they will get theirs. In the meantime I have to keep every bit of strength I have to try not to tell I guess. I believe in Karma so I have to go with that. It's just so hard to cope :( What also make it's worse is this time last year my mother was ill and I juggled keeping our relationship and caring for her. It is unbelievable he would do this to me when he knows the 1yr anniversary of her passing is coming and how hard things have been for me. He went through it with me too. Maybe all the stuff I've been going through and all our changes were just too much for him. It's easier to escape into a fantasy world with a slut who cheats on her husband. I don't care what sad story she tells him if I were him I'd think twice about getting involved with a chick who cheats. She cheated with the guy she is with now and he knows it. Her husband was with the mother of one of his other kids at the time and they met at work. She must like stealing other woman's men. Why do people do that?!

[Synnen]

You're still mad at HER.

Get off that train, sister. Be mad at HIM. She's an idiot--he's a jerk. Either way, Karma works. It always does.

The best revenge is to be happy without him, you know.

[cantbelieveit]

You're right. It will be the best for me to be happy without him it's just hard to erase it from my brain right now. I just wonder how long it will take me to get over it. We broke up a few days ago the day after I found out all the really bad stuff in emails and yesterday I moved out. I can try and fake it that I am over it but I'd be lying to myself. Does fake it till you make it work in this case? :)

[BetrayalBtCamp]

"Fake it til you make it" can be a good strategy but you also have to let yourself work through the grieving process too. It was a long term relationship which ended because of a heartwrenching betrayal, that anguish won't disappear overnite. Take good care of yourself & make sure you get enough rest & eat properly. You're still in a state of shock right now with a justified anger.

Karma sometimes is having your lies exposed & the truth brought out to the light of day. Even if you don't tell her H now (which you are certainly entitled to do), most likely they will get more careless with you out of the picture & be busted.

If you need / want support sorting it all out with others in your same position, a great site for that is

SurvivingInfidelity.com - Support for those affected by Infidelity

You can get through this & come out ahead but right now the unfairness & horror of it all is just battering you pretty bad. That won't last forever, it just feels like it for now. And if it gets too bad, you can see a dr to get something to help you not fall into utter despair too hard / too long, if that's appropriate for you.