[talaniman]

The Barber

A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded, dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking TWA," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"TWA?" exclaimed the barber. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are rude, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at the downtown International Marriott."

"That dump! That's the worst hotel in the city. The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?"

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the barber. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the man again came in for his regular haircut. The barber asked him about his trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful," explained the man, "not only were we on time in one of TWA's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28 year old stewardess who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel - it was great! They'd just finished a $25 million remodeling job and now it's the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the barber, "I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke to me."

"Really?" asked the Barber. "What'd he say?"

"He said, 'Where'd you get the lousy haircut?'"

Doorbell
A man is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy's efforts for some time, the man moves closer to the boy's position.

He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder, leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring.

Crouching down to the child's level, the man smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?"

The boy replies, "Now we run!"
The Calf

A farmer was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his four year old son standing at the fence, soaking in the whole event.

The man thought to himself, "Great. He's four and I'm gonna have to start explaining the birds and the bees. No need to jump the gun - I'll just let him ask, and I'll answer."

After everything was over, the man walked over to his son and said, "Well son, do you have any questions?"

"Just one," gasped the still wide-eyed lad.

"How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?"
The Gas Men

Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end.

At the last house, a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter.

Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alley and back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one.

As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong.

Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run too!"

[friend4u178]

LOL... I had to read the calf one twice before I got it :)

[Clough]

The Barber one was surely a lesson for the barber! :)

[iAMfromHuntersBar]

Your Pope joke reminded me of an OLD pope joke (had to Google it, it's that old!);

A man and a guy named Benny Schwartz are in a bar having drinks.
Benny boasts that he know everybody.
The man says "That's ridiculous!" but Benny says "Wanna bet?!"

So the man bets Benny that he doesn't know George Lucas.

Benny makes a quick call, and sure enough, off they go to Lucas Ranch.
George welcomes them with open arms and they all get on like a house on fire!

Benny's friend is stunned!
"OK" he says "I bet you don't know Nicolas Sarkozy!"

Sure enough, Benny gets on the blower... speaks a bit of French, and off they go to the airport. A while after they land in Paris and Nicolas and his fit wife Carla meet them from the plane.
They have a wail of a time and party for days!

"Happy now?" Benny asks

In desperation, the man says "Just one more ... I bet you don't know the Pope!"
So, again, Benny gets on his phone and arranges a few details!

And off they go to Rome.

The next morning Benny says "Be at the square in front of St. Peter's at noon."
So the man gets there on time, but there is a huge crowd and he has to stand right on theedge of the square.

Two figure appear on a balcony, but they are almost too far away to be recognizable.
The man turns to an Italian fellow next to him and asks
"Who are those men on the balcony?"

"Well, I don't-a know about-a the guy in-a white. But the other guy, he's-a Benny Schwartz."


Yours are much better though! Ha ha!

[amanda-kym]

Ha ha loved the gas men and doorbell lol

[adam_89]

Haha. I loved them. Gave me a good laugh with my coffee.

[1099669]

That joke about the gas men was hysterical