[jelise2006]

My best friend has been dating this guy for two years. Over a period, she realized that if he masterbates during the day, prior to them seeing each other that night, he isn't able to preform sex or isn't as interested in having sex... because he states.. he had already masterbated earlier that day. One thing that happened recently was.. they were together, sleeping, she is in bed laying next to him, he woke up that morning with a hard on.. and instead of waking her up(a willing partner), he gets up and goes to the bathroom to masterbate instead... twice. Why would he wake up hard, and instead of waking his willing partner up for sex, instead goes to the bathroom and masterbates. The issue with him masterbating several times a day has been an issue a while. We understand.. yes that an issue... but she wants to know... what is the issue. Is this a mental thing... is this an issue from something that perhaps happened to him as a child. I mean... they have great sex... when they have sex, clearly are both attracted and truly in love with each other. She doesn't understand... why would a guy rather masterbate..than have sex with his girl...when he wakes up hard..and she is laying right next to him??? Yes... we understand this isn't normal. But what could his issue truly be?? He doesn't get up... to go get himself hard...he woke up....with a hard on....and goes to the bathroom and masterbates twice...instead of waking her up to have sex. Its not like he goes and tries to get hard.. he woke up... with a hard on... his girl laying next to him... and he goes and masterbates when he has a more than willing partner next to him... which may I add... she loves... and enjoyes... and wants to have sex with him. She is hurt because times when they plan to see each other too....he has made the comment several occasions...."well I masterbated 3 times today already"....so then he can't have sex.
They just broke things off within the past few weeks and a few days ago had planned on getting together. Before that night.. he text her and made the comment" that he missed her and wanted to see her...but for her to please understand that I just want to see you and just wanted to make that part clear". She was over at his house very late so she asked if she could stay the night and she said... dont worry... Im not going to ry and make a move on you or try and have sex with you or anything... and he says... "Oh dont worry....I already masterbated 3 times today"!!!!!!

[Fr_Chuck]

One of the warnings some of us often do about the addiction of masturbation and after a while they get so used to the feel of their hand, that they have trouble performing without that feel.

And to be honest if it is a young person, three times earlier in the day should not stop him with a girl. It sounds like he has other serous sexual issues that he has not addressed either.

[Tralyn]

Well, let's think about the hand... the man can make his hand as tight or loose as he wants and move it as fast or as slow as he wants. This can be a very serious problem because he may now just be finding more satisfaction from masterbating than with actually making love with his girlfriend. Or... there may be other issues here. Maybe he is thinking of someone else while he is masterbating. Maybe I'm wrong, but maybe he is homosexual and can't tell her.

[jelise2006]

Yes! You guys hit the nail right on the head! That's it!! Thank you for your responses!

[kp2171]

Know anything about his past partners? Is he ever the sexual aggressor? Does he ever initiate?

Personally, I don't care if my partner uses her cute pink vibe... as long as we are generally happy in the bedroom and everyone is getting needed attention, why get upset that she starts a morning off by getting off without me? Now... if its been a long time since we've made any time, I'm going to get upset that the AA's are getting more attention than me...

Again... I'm not going to state when is too much too much... that comes down to the couple and compatibility. But like I said... I wonder if he was in a previous relationship where she rejected him and now he just is a "problem solver" than to face potential rejection... or whether he needs her to be more aggressive.

He doesn't get a free pass either way. There is an issue... whether it's the past or his need for something he's not communicating or whether he's just clueless...

If her needs aren't being met, she needs to talk to him about this. If her needs are met and she's just annoyed, she's being petty.

Is she able to reach orgasm in bed with him?