[sweetiepie08]

We have been dating (long distance) since April. However we've been friends for 3 yrs.

He graduated this spring from college and now has a seasonal position. So money is tight... but not bad.
He does not have to pay for housing (it's provided by the government as he is one of their employees). His only dept is a 5000.00 visa dept.
I flew there this June to see him, and stayed a month, I paid for my portion of the groceries, & he some how managed to eat my food as well as his... but I didn't say anything. However, if I ate something of his he'd tease me about it... then if I looked serious , I would get the "just kidding" response.

I remember back when I just arrived there - we where on a trip to see his folks (and for his graduation) and we stopped for coffee... and he reminded me that he bought me the last cup... so now it's my turn to buy. I of course bought the coffee happily, as I am not cheap and I do not count who owes who. It's only coffee... and perhaps I'm old fashioned... but I do like to be treated - esp. when the cost is pretty insignificant.

I've bought him some very nice things - and I am happy to do so... I love to give!
It makes me happy. He has bought me a valentines card and a box of high end chocolates... but that’s it. Not even the unexpected flower to say “I love you”. Not even a cute note (I have wrote him cute notes and left them around the house for him to find.. he seems loves them and saves them.) Sounds like I'm a door mat eh? But I'm not... just too darn nice I think!

I don't make the money he does... in fact - I took time away from my job... to visit him (no pay check for me)... but I never complained about money. I used to make way more money modeling... but now after college I have a "real job"... that pays much less.. lol!

Last night - he called , we chatted and laughed. He always says he loves me with all his heart, and emails me and says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me... etc.
We have made plans for him to come to my city and meet my family this aug on his 2 days off.(a $550.00 air fare ) For only just over 2 days... as he refuses to take an extra day off to visit. (not until he's working full time, and ahead in the money, will he take time off... okay I can respect that.)

At the end of our phone call he told me he has to get his finances together.
And that it's his number one priority. I said, so I take 2nd place to your finances... he never once told me , "no, you are number one" he simple bumbled around that.. and said "I’ll talk to you tomorrow evening, I’m going to watch my movie"... it was an odd ending to our conversation. It has saddened me. I’m losing faith in "us". I’m used to good solid relationship like my parents have - they share, and are extremely generous. My father would give the shirt off his back for anyone who really needed it. No questions asked. Same goes for my mother, myself and my brother.

My guy comes from a very nice family (no siblings though) and grew up in a very lovely home... always having money, and good work ethic.

I’m tired of thinking about this situation... and would like to hear some other peoples thoughts. Sorry if my story is not in the best of order... I’m a bit tuckered out.

[ylaira]

You've known each other so long, he knows you're generous and he's confident asking you to spend for the two on something. Since you are not comfortable on what he's doing, tell him. Say it would be a gentleman if he'll buy you and himself something instead you doing it, NEXT TIME....

[Alty]

I don't make the money he does... in fact - I took time away from my job... to visit him (no pay check for me)... but I never complained about money

You never complained out loud, but obviously it bothers you.

I've bought him some very nice things - and I am happy to do so... I love to give!

That's your choice, don't expect it to be reciprocated.

It sounds like you want more than he is capable of giving. So, do you stay with him, accept him as he is? Do you try and change him, which never works, or do you leave him and find someone who treats you the way that you desire?

The choice is yours and yours alone. The one truth I can tell you, he won't change, so if you can't live with the way he is, better to move on and find someone else.

Good luck.

[sweetiepie08]

Thank you for your feed back - it's really nice to hear your opinions!

[maxim_r]

I agree with Altenweg. You value generosity in a relationship and he can't or won't provide it. You cannot change him, so you have only 2 choices: 1) Learn to live with it or 2) Move on. But whatever you do, don't try to change him, it won't work and you'll only become frustrated and grow to resent him even more.