[maureenh]

I have been married for 9 years to a workaholic. I am fortunate enough to stay home and raise our kids, but I am incredibly lonely! Especially on the weekends, when it is highlighted that I am really a raising our kids alone. The past year I have found myself getting my needs met by another man (primarily emotionally) and I am falling in love with him. I am completely dependent upon my husband financially and feel selfish acting upon my own feelings when I have children that I am trying to provide stability for. But then I have also considered what exactly is best for them: to see a father figure more present and available to them? To see mom happy and fulfilled? I don't know what to do...

[fredg]

HI,
I am not a Psychic, but did answer your question in a previous category.

[maureenh]

fredg-
I don't see where you answered my question... sorry! I'd love to read it though...
Thanks!

[bizygurl]

If you really feel that you have done all you can do in this marriage, compromize, counseling.. etc. Then maybe its time to leave. You can "work on things" until you are blue in the face.. but ultimately in the end if your not happy then do what's best for you and your kids. That doesn't always mean stay with their father who makes you feel miserable. Sure it would be hard but no one said it was easy... YOU deserve to be happy and if your not then think about what the next step is.

[Hypatia]

Before you run and jump ship......you need to have some time to talk to your husband. He might be a workaholic but im sure if you asked him, he is doing it all for you and the kids and not for himself. Men tend to forget the emotional needs of others not from calculating decision but because they thrive on labor not love.
On the other hand, you emotionally cheating on him is pretty much screwed up. How can you make the decision that because your husband is not meeting your needs to go behind his back and have them met? That is pretty selfish and immature, not to mention unloving.
Your problem is the bane of wives everywhere: boredom. Did you not think when you had your kids that you would be the primary care giver? Hello?! While we say we live in the century of womens rights, old habits are hard to break. Your husband works and you stay home. I bet this didnt bother you at first in the marriage but slowly crept on you.
I could go on but I will give you the solution rather than harp on your bad manners and decision making.
First you get a sitter for your kids this Saturday for about 8 hours. I dont care how you do it, you just do. You then pack lunch, whatever, clothes, whatever and grab your husband and take him to a hotel. This will be a good and bad day so dress sexy but comfortable. When he askes the usual male questions like what, where, why, just smile and politely tell him to shut up, you love him, and you are going to discuss that love, whatever.
So you get to the room and you get cozy. Open the bottle of whatever alcohol you got and then you talk. You do not yell, you try to hold those explosive feelings in check. You are not here to hurt but to heal. If you yell and scream, he will NOT listen to you. So you get serious and you talk through your feelings. You tell him everything that you feel and what you think he is contributing to those feelings.
You also listen to him. I bet you $100 he feels alone, unsexy, out of touch, and is miserable as well.
then after you talk you spend time working out how to fix things. Maybe he can take an extra day off every other week to give you a day off. Maybe you can get a part time job during school hours and spend time with big people who dont use the word potty.
You can work this out, all is not lost. But you MUST stop seeing whatever men that you have been seeing. This is just not right and someone needs to tell you it isnt.
Marriage isnt always happy but you must always honor whatever vow you made to your Gods. What example are you teaching your children? When you get bored after years of hard work and commitment you just quit and move on to something flashy?
you and your husband forged a bargain, he works you raise the kids. Dont break the bargain now because you think it is unfair. You renegociate.
Then if he is this cold and uncaring man you think he is, then you talk counseling, divorce and moving on. Do not justify your feelings as a reason to cheat. What if your feelings are wrong and he still loves you like the day you first met. How are you going to feel being a liar? Better to have fact rather than assume because in the end, it is always the woman that feels the most pain. We are emotional beings.

Hypatia

[milliec]

This is just to say you're great, Hypatia, but I could'nt ust the "little box"
Millie

[magprob]

WOW! If everyone were that mature, the divorce rate would be 1/4 of what it is! Right the frick on Hypatia! Your pretty deep for someone that eats rabbit and spinich tacos!! Her husband is working his bottom off and probably thinking that he is making his family's life better. This happens every day and it happened to me too.