[Brett L]

Hi, Im new, this is my first post besides my intro.
But in case you didn't know...
My names Brett, Im from Rochester Ny, and Im 15 years old. Here's my story. You might want to grab a snack or something. This is a long and intresting story. Please, someone out there help me!:(

I started smoking pot about 2 years ago. I recently got caught at my school, smoking it, and having some on me. My parents always hated me the most out of my 2 bros and me,(always doing ''bad'' things) but this is taking it to the next level. Everyday, they always make me feel like a waste of time, space, money, and a son. A year before any of this, I was diagnosed with depression. I knew it was the case before I was diagnosed, because I always had scuicidal thoughts and always wanted to die. Life was just too much for me, even today. So anyway, my school suspended me for 5 days, and made me join a rehab clinic for 2 months. If I don't go, I can't go back to my school. Ever again.

Schools always been a big *** problem. Constant stress about grades. It's driving me crazy, to the point where I don't give a crap about anything. But inside, I know I really do.

My parents always try to make things better for me(but never help) and are at the point where they're either going to put me up for adoption, kick me out of my house, send me to juvy, and probably worse things I haven't heard about yet.

Im limited to most of my possecions because they always take them away from me. No TV, electronics, can't have/go to friends houses, can't go outside. My only social life with the outside world is school. Which depresses me even more. Im not even sopposed to be on the computer, they went to a soccer game for my bro, so Im typin fast so I don't get in more trouble.

Every night, for years, I lay in my bed I have the same thoughts, "What the hell is wrong with me", "Why can't I just get good grades?!", "How come my brothers hate me", "God I hate life". I always try to figure out what's wrong myself, but can't come up with an answer.

My parents originally, didn't want me to be born. Im a twin (not identical). I heard them talk about it when I was 5, they argued about money, and me being a ''mistake'' and ''extra care'' was overheard. That changed me.

Im the younger one. My brother, A+ student, athlete. Every parents dream. I don't hate my brother at all because I think he's the only one in my house that kind of likes me. My parents, don't like me, and my older brother who's 17, almost 18, blames me for everything bad that happens to our family.

I've tried everything. Phyciatrists a lot. None worked.

It seems like, whenever I get a little bit of a good feeling in my heart, my parents shoot back twice as fast with a comment about how bad I suck at everything I do, and how they've giving up on me as a son.

Verbal abuse for me, has always been my weak point. When I was little, my older brother always used to call me names and I couldn't help but break down In tears some of the time. Then My mom would yell at me for crying in front of her. Making things worse.

Right now, Im so done with everything. If things don't change soon, I know Im going to kill myself. Im not a bad kid really, Im a nice guy, I don't bully people ever, and I stand up for what I believe in. Im just having a **** life and want to get away from it all. And a gunshots the only thing that I think will work.

Help me. What should I do? How can I feel better about myself?
Why do my parents hate me? Why me?

[JoeCanada76]

Hello, I wrote lots of stuff but by the time I sent it, the website automatically logged me out. So I will try to say a quick version. Instead of you turning out to be like your family always brings you down. Turn things into a positive. Make positive changes, positive choices, which may include having to get away from your family. Believe me, in my own experience was the best thing. Get away from the abuse and negative atmosphere and purposely throw yourself into new situations like school, moving away, getting help from others. Love your family but stand up for yourself. Share your thoughts and feelings with your family. Let them know how you feel. They still treat you like crap, guess what use that to change your life for the better. You will learn how to create a new way of outlook of life.

[JoeCanada76]

You will learn how to appreciate all the life has to offer good and bad. Things that seem terrible now, later years you will look back in your life and say I am glad that things happen the way they did because now I am doing better without them in my life. It might be harsh, but getting away from that kind of situation maybe best. Suicide is never the answer. I know your hurting and you want your family to feel the pain, you have been feeling. The best way is to make a change in your thinking and out look on life. Make positive decisions for yourself which may include not having the family in your influence and proving to yourself you can do better and living life for you. You will be showing them that they were very foolish and that they were in the wrong by treating you the way they did and that will be punishment enough for them, that you were able to live a positive life and make good decisions without them and that their negative attacks and energy were not going to bring you down anymore. Any questions? Please ask, we are all here to help.

Joe

[fredg]

Hi, Brett,
No thanks on the snack, but will get myself another cup of coffee. It takes me, at 64 yrs old, a little while to wake up in the morning. I have never considered suicide; know why? Because there is no turning back afterwards!
It's forever, no more chances, no way to try harder, no way to look at how things will get better. Life is full of crap sometimes, and most of use have learned how to live with it. Life is also wonderful, full of surprises, and fun. It's what we make it.
So, with all that said, have your considered taking steps to find a new home? Through the Courts? If you really believe that your family can't help you, then I would suggest seeing someone at the local Court House, maybe in the Court Clerk's office. Also, do you have any type of Social Services Department in your local area? You could talk with them, and they could guide you to the right people.
I know you are 15 yrs old, but your family might also consider doing this for you; finding you a new home. Have you told them that is what you want to do? Maybe they will help.
That is a drastic move to take, but if nothing else will work for you, think about it.
You in a Rehab clinic group? I was never in a Rehab clinic, but was part of a Support Group, some years ago. Know what? Some of the best friends I have now was part of that Group... we still see each other sometimes, just because we are friends, and would do anything to help each other.
If this clinic has you in any Group Meetings, please get to know some of those who attend... give it your best... you won't be sorry.

[tkrussell]

A teen is asking for help. I can tell by your letter that you are very bright, by how you word it, spell it , and express yourself.

Thou you have been given some good words of encouragement, I think you need more proactive help, with actual things you can do to get help.

I can see that you are in a never ending circle that has been going on for years, you act like a jerk and your parents treat you like crap.

Too late to try to place blame on who started it ,and now it is not important any longer. You asked for help, and I hope you can do what is necessary to stop this cycle.

This will mean that you must take on life first minute by minute, then hour by hour, then day by day. Keep your positive attitude.

Stop doing those things that piss off your parents, they will probably continue to put you down, but if you begin to change, it will be for no reason that you caused, and be able to hold your head high.

Not sure if you can ever change their minds after so many years right away, but do not focus on them, only on yourself. If you change your behavior, then maybe soon they will notice and start doing what they need to do to help.

Any verbal abuse they give you you will need to ignore to stay positive. They will hopefully change once they see that you are changing, or at least trying to change.

Starting today:

Again stay positive, stop smoking pot now and flush what ever you have down the toilet, and stay away from any friends that can cause you to get into trouble.

Ask parents what you can do to help around the house, and do it. If they do not take you seriously, then do something on your own to help. clean your room, mow the lawn, take out the trash, something to show that you are taking the first step to change.

This will blow their minds, and probably make comments like, what are you up to, what are you looking for? Ignore the negative , and stay positive, knowing that you are taking the first step to change.

You are told to go to Rehab. Why are you not there now! Ask to go as soon as possible. There you should find counselors to help you, listen to them and do what they suggest.

Any chance you can get there TODAY? Why the wait?

Asking to go now will show that YOU want to change.

Suicide? That never helps. In Rochester call:

ROCHESTER Life Line Health Association of Rochester

24 Hours / 7 Days * (585) 275-5151 * 1-800-310-1160
Toll Free - Wayne, Ontario, & Livingston Counties

You did make the first step by asking for help, the rest is really up to you.

I really hope you continue to help yourself and follow this advice.

Keep in mind you can go to a local hospital, or even the police to let them know you are seeking help, and I am sure they will do something.

Neither of them want to find a dead teen.

[fredg]

Hi,
I do agree with all of the answer before this one. I realize I have already given you an answer, but I think it's worth adding this:
Take control of your life, and as the previous answer stated, Do Something around Your Home, without being asked. That was an excellent comment.
You have taken the first step in recovery, by asking others what they think. Even though you have been to Psychiatrists, TODAY is the first step to the rest of your life. As I said, Group Meetins at you clinic will help you overcome anything. HAVE YOU WORKED THE 12 STEPS OF RECOVERY? If you don't know what I'm talking about, ask someone.
Write them down, write down your answers, then talk with someone in the Group about them. That's called Recovery!
Best of luck.

[talaniman]

Get to a rehab or a trusted adult and ask them to help with your pot and depression ASAP!

[Brett L]

Thanks guys. Ill do my best to stay positive and drug free. So far its been 9 days. I know its nothing special, but it can be with a little time.

I like getting advice from everyday people more than a trained professional, because most of the time it's the ordinary people that can help you the most. They seem to know more about these problems because they've experienced them for themselves. Most psychiatrists I went to, they may have a degree in it, but haven't gone through the experience, and for me, that's the only way you can understand something the most.

Some news:
I had a meeting with my teachers about switching classes, to fit my style of work. Im an artsy kind of guy, drawing, writing, etc. So starting Monday when I get back to school, I have a Studio Art class instead of Design Drawing and Tech. I already know that's going to be an easy A and pretty fun. And I dropped another class for a Support class, where I can do my homework, and get caught up. A little summer school and, TA-DAA! I move on to 10th grade. Missing a little summer is worth moving on with my friends.

Thank you so much.

-Brett

[s_cianci]

Like I always tell other young people, if you want to get along in life then do what you're supposed to do. It's always the easiest way. At home and at school. Follow your parents rules. If they say "be in by 9:00", then you be in by 9:00. No arguments, no cajoling, no pleading, no guilt trips (i.e. "but other kids are allowed to stay out later...".) If your parents don't want you wearing certain styles of clothing, then don't wear them. If they take your possessions away from you, wait patiently to have them returned and don't repeat whatever behavior it was that got them taken away from you in the first place. I could go on and on but I think you get the point. It'd be pretty hard for your parents to be verbally abusive to you and to continually take away your possessions and privileges if you always did what they expect of you all the time. Same thing goes for school ; you're just as capable of getting good grades as the next person. I don't believe you're any less intelligent than anyone else. Just do what you're supposed to do, period. Pay attention in class and make a conscientious attempt to understand the lesson and learn from it ; that's why you're in school, no other reason. Ask questions if you don't understand. See the teacher after school for extra help if necessary. Do all assigned homework and hand it in when due. Follow all of your teachers' rules and do whatever they tell you. Be in school and attend every class every day and don't be late. Don't be swayed by the fact that other kids seem to get away with it. That's their problem, not yours. There's a simple solution to the fact that your parents favor your brother over you ; be more like him. I'm sorry I can't be more sympathetic to your plight but I honestly think you've brought most of these problems on yourself by the choices you've made (or didn't make, as the case may be.)

[Fr_Chuck]

Ok, if you have every followed any of my younger life, I was the long hair, motorcyle, peace symbol and yep I smoked my share of pot among other things. Quess what, it makes you depressed ( that what it does) it fools you into a high but then you come down you feel worst. You get high again, and feel even worst, so you try just to stay high, which of course makes you do bad things to afford to keep high.

Sort of the story here? I see it a 100 times a year with people I work with now.

First boot camps, drug programs and the such can help if you want it to. If you don't want it to, when you get back home you go back with your old friends and start right back into the old life.

Next yes there are families who take people like you in, my family has taken in several over the years and raised them till they were 18 and moved on their own.

Next you family I am sure loves you, but it is hard raising several, you compare yourself actually more than others do, but there is always a competition.

Then of course you have to be happy with you, does not matte what your mom thinks of you, my mom still does not like me a lot because of what I do and who I am married to, but that is her problem not my problem, I don't let her make her issues my problem.


Only you can change you, no doctor, no program, and it has to be one day at a time.

[sweetface]

Hi Brett!!

I understand exactly how you feel. The difference is I am 32 years old. I have had suicidal thoughts for years, I have just never acted on them. I believe it is because of several reasons. First, I am afraid what will happen to me, even though I would be dead. Second, I have been told in bible school and by my grandmother(R.I.P.) that it is a sin. Third, I question what the unknown has in store for me. But these reasons alone is not what has stopped me from all of these years from doing it. What has stopped me is a constant connection with GOD. I decided that when those suicidal thoughts enter my mind, I talk to GOD, and ask what will you have of me. To be quite honest with you Brett, I was riding the subway home yesterday, and I thought about it. I thought about how horrible my life is, and what a shambles it is in. But, I went home, and prayed( I know that sounds a bit corny) and made a pact with myself. I need help. I know that I need help. And Brett, you are so young. 15 years old is so young, you have a lot of life still left, don't you want to know what will happen. If I could go back and be 15 again, I would change so many things, and make some serious decisions. You seem very mature. Please think about your young life. Think about what will happen when you graduate from college, and get married and have children. Don't you want to know!! I would like to know for you!!