[marriaget]

I was wondering if It would be okay for a 13 year old to date a 17 year old.
With no sex, or anything "close" to that. It kind of upsets me at the fact that our ages are so distant. When I'm a freshman in HS, he'll be a freshman in college! When I'm 14, he'll be 18, which would be illegal, right? What if you really, like extremely liked each other. It would really hurt if you couldn't go out. I know my parents and family would totally flip if I were to go out with him... well... I'm guessing. Guys usually have or had sex at age 18.
In NJ, where I live... the legal age is 16. I don't want to do it because, I'm pretty young... like come on! The age difference is really bothering me :/ I know most people would say, you guys are too young, and you have a whole life coming ahead of you. It just sucks. It's only four years, actually 3 1/2... it matters when you're a minor like me.
That whole "age doesn't matter" crap, is total BS. It still sucks... because I'm like a new new new teen, and he's like all... adult-ish... and job.. and blah blah grown up. He doesn't even look his age! Nor does he act like it! It's like he's 14, if he was it would be awesome. I'm just soooo upset about our ages, and I'd like some of your opinions about this. Please try not to give me too many negative comments, my hopes are kind of crushed... I'm hoping there is still hope for us :/
I just want us to be together, and hoping everything will be fine. :[ You always want what you can't have. *sigh* help?


(what if he's like a 14 year old in a 17 year olds body? I know it doesn't change his age, but in my opinion he's not really 17, I don't know, I'm just wishing some how it'll work out.)

Don't tell me not to stress it because, your talken to the wrong person :/

We act the same, it's not like he's so mature, and I'm so immature or whatever. The point is, we're the same...kinda. Get me? He's not like those party alcohol 17 teen year old guy. It's like a geeky 17 who's like 14. Ughhh try to understand haha. >.<

Pluss-------I feel as if when I'm older I'm never going to find another guy like him, this is why I'm like this.

I don't know if we'll last forever, I doubt it... but for now I guess?

[progunr]

You already know the answer to your question, you answered it yourself in your own post several times.

Hopefully it helped you to come to face the fact that this is not a good place for a relationship.

You are too young, like it or not, you need to stay away from this one.

[ilovcali]

Hmmm... Ask your dad. I'll bet he gives you the right answer.

--Cali

[Kevin_s]

I wouldn't be worried about the age difference so much, but rather the maturity difference. As you said, he's going to be 18. According to you, by that age most men in NJ are having sex. Once you're 18, a few years in age isn't too big of a deal, but there is still a maturity gap. You're 18, he's 22. You can't drink legally, he can go to 21+ clubs, drink, etc.

If you like each other enough, waiting a few years may not hurt, get some younger relationships under your belt so you know what to expect. You're still young and inexperienced.

100th post, HOORAY!

[marriaget]

^^ thanks kevin, you gave me some hope (:
I like your answer, it's correct. & nice =]

[Rockstar714]

When I was 14 I dated a 17, almost 18 year old. I thought I was soooo mature. I wasn't. He would go out with his friends to parties and do all this stuff and I sat at home. It may not seem like a lot of different (yeah, its only 3.5 years) but in teen years it's a world of difference. Think of it this way, would you date a 10 year old? Probably not because it's a big age difference to you right now.

Enjoy being 13. Enjoy being a teenager, don't grow up too fast.

[ylaira]

Dont be in a hurry to grow up because you can never be 13 again. For now think of school and self-improvement. It's just a puppy love. When you reach pre-adulthood, you will start to be susceptible to a lot growing pains and heartache. You'll be sick of it, trust me. 5 years is not long. It will just fly. Dont rush

[N0help4u]

Can you date him without sex yes BUT depending on your state you can not be with him sexually until 16. Many guys do not want to be with a girl that is not going to be with them sexually and even if he agrees it could still come to that because like they say about doing what comes naturally. Then with him going away to college you have the distance thing to deal with.
I would say the best thing is keep him as a friend until you graduate or he is done with college and then see where it goes.

[Toluca_86]

You seem to understand the risks, sweety. There are risks in nearly every decision you'll make in your life, especially those to do with relationships, but I'm not going to tell you what to do.

But I will guarantee you that you will feel this way or even stronger about other boys/men in the future. So don't do anything out of a fear of being alone in the future.

And, honestly assess your own feelings about your maturity level and how assertive you're able to be in standing up for what you want, and what you'd feel comfortable with at the point of development you're at now. Don't pressure yourself to "be mature", being able to be assertive and understand your own needs at this time is much more important.

And yeah: if you know you're not ready for sex but you think he might be in the near future, why not just be friends getting to know each other better? All sorts of possibilities open up with friends you keep for years...

[Kevin_s]

Just know that he is NOT perfect, nobody is. You could date him, find out he's not what you want and then move on. There's always going to be someone else that can offer you something that another can't. You're young, date all the little boys at school and when you're old enough, and mature with past experiences of what you like, dislike... step up and date a man that is willing to be your everything, and be ready to do the same.

You can say you are able to do that now, but you lack the experience, and reality of the world (in a sense) to full understand what it implies. I still lack some experience in areas, but I'm constantly learning.

[Kevin_s]

I remember my Junior year in high school, I was dating this freshman. And she was just in a completely different maturity level, she was always hanging all over me, always calling me, and all this other crap. Junior year I was very, VERY busy and it got to the point that after a month I just told her I didn't want a relationship and that she was very clingy. Now mind you that I am a very affectionate boyfriend, I love doing things randomly for my girl and even I thought this ex was crazayyyy.

[hjpan]

Just. Don't. Do. It.

It's not worth anything since he'll be in college which means MEETING MORE WOMEN....

[BigS]

OK let me see if I can give you the answer you want to hear. Not much negative right? OK, well no matter what his age when he goes away to College in a whole different environment and new experiences he will grow in a different way; as you grow and mature you will start to think differently too. If he acts like a 13 or 14 yr old now I guess that is fine... at that age he should be concentrating on school and have lots of female and male friends. No need to be stuck with one female as if he was a grown up. Although a 4yr difference seem large at 13; at 34 it is not that big a difference. Many men like younger women, so you will be replaced... it is just a matter of time.

Now from reading your post you seem very young , yet old enough to know the truth. I think someone who likes underage children would be the best person to present this question to.

By the way just in case your friend decides to do grown up stuff at 171/2 are you prepared to be a parent.
You have told us a whole lot about what you want... what does your friend want... besides you?

Where is your dad?

[marriaget]

^^^ to big s: thank you, I understand all of that. All I'm saying is that it hurts that it's tough for us to date... :/

my dad.. is sleeping in the basement with my step mom... doing god knows what *sigh* lol.
my dad... idk I'd like to talk to him... but I'm sure he wouldn't like the fact that I even hugged a guy, I doubt any dad would. I for one, wouldn't like my daughter getting close to a guy.. (not that I have one lolll) it would come out like... weird. Lol anyway... idk let's see.

[charlotte234s]

I only have one word to describe a 13 year old and a 17 year old in a boyfriend/girlfriend kind of relationship.

GROSS.


It can turn ugly, legally, and frankly, the 13 year old needs to go play with their toys, and the 17 year old needs to find a partner their own age.

Gross.

[Kevin_s]

To Charlotte: You should add that it's not the gap in age difference, it's that one is 12 (turning 13) and the other is almost a legal adult.

My step father is 4 years younger than my mother, but they also aren't teenagers, and are well above the legal ages/maturity.

[Romefalls19]

You aren't mature enough to date someone of that age as you are still in the age bracket of group dates. I highly doubt your dad would find this acceptable, and then if you sneak around and he does find out he can press charges on the adult.

[Toluca_86]

I would ignore all these people trying to scare you, personally. My sister, at 14, started dating a nerdy 17 year-old. They dated for two years and they're still not having sex and I think she holds her own in the relationship pretty well. You never know what could happen.

I think the more important facts here you've mentioned are: A) you admit you don't actually know him all that well, B) you seem to feel some sense of desperation (you're afraid of never having feelings for someone again, your dad is involved with this other woman, etc.). It's never good to make decisions out of a feeling of desperation.

It seems to me you'd be most comfortable just being friends, for now. And I certainly think that's a fine idea. And you will meet other people in your life, trust me.

[ScottGem]

I was wondering if It would be okay for a 13 year old to date a 17 year old.
With no sex, or anything "close" to that. It kinda upsets me at the fact that our ages are so distant.

....
That whole "age doesn't matter" crap, is total BS.

If the "age doesn't matter" thing is "total BS", then why are you wondering about it and why does it upset you? Because, of course, age does matter, especially at your age.

As you note yourself. You will both be going in different directions. You to HS and him to college. You are both at various different stages of your lives. No Age DOES matter. It matters less and less as one gets older, but it DOES matter.

[ScottGem]

I would ignore all these people trying to scare you, personally. My sister, at 14, started dating a nerdy 17 year-old. They dated for two years and they're still not having sex and I think she holds her own in the relationship pretty well. You never know what could happen.

The reason some of us are trying to scare her is because older boys like to prey on younger girls and that IS a scary situation. Ok, in your sister's case it worked. But she's the exception not the rule.