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Commitment Phobia
My boyfriend and I have dated for 4.5 years. We have watched many of our friends and family meet, get engaged, get married, all before us. This breaks my heart every time. Most recently his sister announced their engagement. We have a wonderful relationship and many of our friends call us husband and wife or question constantly about when the marriage will be. I am growing frustrated. I love him with all of my heart but waiting is getting so old. I know that he loves me and I know that he is very aware of how I feel about getting married. How long do I wait?
Guys: What would be wrong to take so long to propose? I know he loves me. (I am 29, he is 34.) So it isn't a youth thing. He has never been married, I am divorced. PLEASE ANY ADVISE. I want to be with him. |
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Hey! I'm sure things like that can be very frustrating! Sometimes guys can be a little afraid of committing the rest of their lifes to a woman. But in your case of age and length of relationship, that is a little confusing. I know a couple who have been together for about 12 years and they lived together and everything but never married. He has just recently proposed to her! I would hint around a little about a wedding if I were you!
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LOL, that is funny, but I DO NOT want to wait 12 years, and I think he would be very willing to wait. I really put the pressure on for about the last 6 months, decided that it was only causing fights and backed off my wedding push. I understand that he is worried, and I have no doubt he is committed to me, but I do not understand the fear of walking down the aisle after all this time.
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Yea, I wouldn't want to wait 12 years either, I would hope that your boyfriend would not want to wait either. After 4.5 years you would think he would be ready to walk down the aisle. Have you ever asked him about where he sees himself in the near future or if he ever wants kids, or exactly what differences you guys have planned for your future!
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I have two children from a previous relationship, he treats my children very well. I know that he wants children of his own and my tubes are tied. We have had the conversation because I am not opposed to having another child, but I have also told him that as time keeps passing and my children get older I want to go back to the newborn stage less and less.
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No, I guess I really haven't been that direct about it. He is not emotionally that comfortable talking about feeling stuff. We have joked about it, but nothing direct like that. I know for a long time he had this "ideal" person that he would marry, and this "ideal" person did not have children of her own and she was his religion. After all this time, guess I thought things would be different.
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Ok. I hate to be so direct, but I'm going to be a little bit! You can't let the years keep going by without having you goals and everything close. As you keep aging and as he does, you are not going to want these things as much. Marriage seems very important to you and I think you guys need to have a serious talk about what is going to happen, and soon. If he isn't willing to marry you or have kids with you, maybe he isn't that serious into it as you are and you need to make a decision. As you said the longer this keeps going the less you are wanting to have another newborn. So, it sounds like you have a bit of a timeline, and you need to find the one you will marry and have another kid with, or sacrifice having those things and stay with him. Hope this helps!
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UPDATE: Just reviewing some old threads about this topic as last night, I decided I was done stalling. I am devastated and I feel broken, but I know that I gave 100+% into making our relationship work.
The hang up isn't mine and I don't see that he will ever get over this issue. Five years is a huge investment to walk away from and I have scary roads ahead of me, so let this begin my own personal journal. :) Currently: Hanging tough. |
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No Question
::sigh:: (I lost my personal shoulder, so I opted to get this out in the open).
Last night, we decided to end a five year relationship that was without possibilities of a future. I have spent five years giving 100+% into a relationship that gave little return on my investment. Right now, I am hanging tough, but it has been a rough day for me. So let this begin my own personal journal down a road I haven't traveled in a long time and I had hoped to never see again. I am hurt, but I am not the loser in my situation. Let me just say, life is bleak when you have limitations that restrict the person you will love because of situations. Everyone here has been a great support system for me in the past and I am hoping for more of the same through this very difficult experience. |
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Justy I am so so so sorry to see this. Your always so cheerful on here and picking with the others. I guess you have been around this site and said and read many things. I don't know what to say to someone who always helps others so well. Is it easier for you to fill us in?
Super big hugs and a huge shoulder goes your way. |
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Justy, I know you have helped me out a few times, so now it is my turn. Remember, you got through this before. You know it's not the end of the world. Get outside and get some fresh air and start thinking of things that you can do to stay occupied. Things ended for a reason(s) and you must accept that and look toward the future. We are here for you! :) |
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 Originally Posted by 88sunflower
I know the advice I would have given myself months ago, but the relationship was solid in my eyes. I was trying to accept the thing that I couldn't change because of all the things that I love. Sometimes there are things that just aren't acceptable. The short of a long story is I was dating a man who would have always held it over my head that I am a single mother, unweddible in his eyes. Originally Posted by kctiger
How long have I known my own fate and hoped I was wrong? Guess that shows how blinding love can be, when you only want the best. |
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Originally Posted by jmw0713
There are circumstances that will make this a bit more complicated then a simple walk away, so I will probably not move out until the first of next month, which only further complicates my scenerio. |
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