[fantasybabe]

I was involved with, what I thought was, a wonderful, loving and caring guy.. however, after 5 years of being together, of which we lived together for 3 of those, I realised that he wasn't meeting my needs and was behaving more and more irrationally (and emotionally ebusively) - a pattern that had been present throughout our time together, although I was very adept at managing him! As such, we got on extremely well and had a very good and full life.

Now, 17 months on, we have remained separated and I know I made the right decision in asking him to leave - his confused brain was running a mock with my emotions! I am gradually unpicking my life with him (we ran a business together, which I have insisted was sold, as again, he hoped to keep me close using that as an excuse). I've read heaps on Narcisssism and understand exactly that I must move on... but that's where the questions lie..

I am very strong on the outside, professional and very together emotionally.. but, my inner child is still longing for the funloving times we shared before. I am finding 'letting go' so hard - and make my head overrule my heart as much as possible. But, it's been a long time now and I feel stuck.

What can I do to stop the pain and get my personal life back to the success level that my professional life is running at?

I know I need to stop all contact, and believe me am doing all I can to minimise any access he has to me, but out friends are completely intertwined and I just can't seem to escape - and being a Narcissist of the best degree (as he would be!) our friends only see the lovely side of him, NOT the abusive side, which he skilfully manipulates like a butcher with a knife. He tells our friends that 'everything has gone wrong' and they all think he would come back tomorrow - BUT, I know that should never happen for the safety of my own wellbeing. But, with that relationship, and he was the love of my life, gone, I'm finding it so hard to find any new interest. I am attractive, so do get lots of attention by men and have dated a few. But, I always find an excuse to not take things forward.

What is wrong with me?? And how can I relieve the 'getting over it' bit.. time is a great healer, but I feel I may get stuck like this for years as we are over all the worst and should have closed the door on that chapter by now!

Can you help a very mixed up soul please!:confused:

[chuff]

Well it sounds like you are focused on your outside world. Everything you wrote was about what he thinks and what your friends think. Have you ever stopped and thought what you think? If you truly want to fully heal you need to end the friendships with mutual friends or you need to be clear to them not to bring him up. You also need to work on your own self confidence it seems, because being attractive isn't going to do anything for you. I think you need to quit dating for awhile and rebuild yourself a little so you know exactly what it is you want and what it is you will put up with before you start dating and unfairly compare guys to someone in the past.

[Wondergirl]

Be careful about labeling someone so definitely. He may be a narcissist, or not, or worse. If he was emotionally abusing you, that's one thing. His supposed running amok with your emotions is something you can control. Your emotions are yours, not his.

This kind of question gets asked here a lot, the no-contact question and how to do it. Look back on posts by ISneezeFunny. We all lived through his NC efforts, and we all survived.

Don't talk with friends about him, avoid him, be very busy with your life. If you continue to think you're not over him, you are being your own worst enemy. ACT like you're over him!

[talaniman]

Some things you can't rush no matter what you want and it takes a while to fill a hole in your soul that was 5 years in the making.

Give yourself a lot more time to heal.