Check out some similar questions!

worriedwife · Jul 18, 2008, 07:56 AM

I found out this past week that my husband has been having 2-4 hour conversations late at night with a female coworker. I started to worry and looked into his text messages. She sends him a good morning text every morning even though they will be at work together within the hour. I asked him about all the phone calls and the texts and his response was the texts were just because they were friends and the phone calls were because she's having problems in her marriage and needed to vent and wanted his advice. I'm pretty sure that he hasn't had any physical relationship with her, he doesn't work late and I talk to him throughout the day. But when we talked about it he said that he has also been divulging how he deals with similar issues in our marriage and that talking to her makes him feel good in a way. Should I worry?

bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE · Jul 18, 2008, 08:14 AM

It is tough to say whether he's having a physical relationship with his co-worker.
Does she have any girlfriends she can vent with or does it have to be your husband, a married man? It could be innocent and your husband could be an awesome listener.

love is abby · Jul 18, 2008, 08:17 AM

Its good that you two are honest with each other to a point. He may not be having a physical affair with her but I mean all of us look for people we can vent too so I don't know. Maybe marriage counseling or spend some extra time with your husband. Maybe go on a relaxing getaway together.

starfirefly · Jul 18, 2008, 08:36 AM

He and she should not have a reason to talk like that, if they need marriage help there are 1800 numbers

liz28 · Jul 18, 2008, 08:52 AM

If she is having marriage problems, what's with the good morning text everyday. I went through this same problem with my ex, he starting becoming friends with girl and stated he was helping her with her problems. I told him he's not a counselor and if help is needed that who she should seek. Long story short, she called at 6 in morning to say hi. I called her back and she could not answer any of my questions.

Something don't make sense between your husband and her and am sure you sensed that. You never know what can happen between them throughout the day, your not there and you don't have to work late to have an affair. I would address the issue with her as well and hear her reaction or stop by one day for lunch at his job and see and read her reaction.

N0help4u · Jul 18, 2008, 09:30 AM

Even if he takes it as innocent it sounds like there is more interest on her mind.
What is her problem with her husband that is so urgent that he can help by talking to her 2-4 hrs? Txt message every morning doesn't sound like a I just need help in my marriage cry either.
I wouldn't nag him about it but I would watch for behaviors and habits that could indicate he might being getting himself into more than he bargained for.

I really wonder what her husband thinks about all this??

I really would not confront her and I would not go to his work unexpected unless it has already been something you do and he is okay with it. Even if he is not doing anything with her he could blow your dropping in on his business in a very bad way and it could start problems in the relationship.
You have to trust him until you have more to base things on.

tolerance · Jul 18, 2008, 10:06 AM

I think your husband is wrong and if he don't see how its affecting or don't care and care mor about helping this co-worker something is wrong.

If I was in your shoes, I would call the girl. I would ask to speak to her while he's talking to her. Stopping by his job is not a bad idea even. No saying to hang around but just a surprise lunch is not bad idea and if he's got a problem with it, I'd question it.

Blastoff · Jul 18, 2008, 02:41 PM

You have several "red flags" that suggest that they are in the process of developing an emotional affair, so here are some additional questions:

To what extent did your H try to hide these contacts from you? If you knew he was talking to this same woman 2-4 hours a night, and you consented, that's one thing; if you didn't, or if he led you to believe that it was purely business, that's another.

Is he sharing intimate details of your marriage with her? Is he telling her about problems in your marriage? To what extent does he talk to you about those problems?

What's with the "good morning texts?" Does he text all of his co-workers with a morning greeting? Or just his friends? Or just her? How would he feel if some "friend" of yours started texting you every day, discussed aspects of your respective marriages, and kept you on the phone, after work, for 2-4 hours at a time?

How would he feel if you sat in and participated in some of these amateur marriage counseling sessions?

NowWhat · Jul 18, 2008, 02:56 PM

I would suggest for you to keep your eyes and ears open!

When reading your post - I have to say that I would be worried. My husband had an "emotional" affair with a co-worker for 3 years. He needed someone to talk to - and felt that that person could not be me.

If all he is doing is lending her an ear during her troubled time with her husband - then invite them both over for dinner. If this is innocent, then I don't see a problem. If an excuse is given as to why the husband can't come - then table it until you can throw an informal dinner party with other people and the woman can come solo.

Once you see them together, you will know. Your instincts will kick in.

twinkiedooter · Jul 19, 2008, 08:55 AM

Ever hear of lunchtime quickies? Since he does not work late, then I am sure he's happily engaged at lunchtime with his friend. Any husband of mine who would spend 2-4 hours on the phone nightly with another woman would incur my wrath big time. What does he possibly talk about for 2-4 hours with her every day? This friendship has gone way past the friendship stage for any man to be that much of a listener for 2-4 hours a night.

I'd go down to the office and invite them both out to lunch at the same time and confront them asking them to rethink their 2-4 hours nightly conversations as this is taking your husband away from his family and she is being taken away from her husband as well. If they stonewall you about curtailing their nightly calls... then you have your answer. It's much more than what you think it is.

SingingForHim · Jul 25, 2008, 11:55 AM

YES! You should be VERY worried! I, myself, have been in a situation like this... and to some degree, still am. I have been married for 15 years to a husband that abuses me verbally, emotionally, psychologically and sometimes physically. He doesn't meet my emotional needs... and yes, I HAVE talked to him about it a lot!

Before I know it, I find myself in a situation where I'm sharing my problems with another man, who also has a crappy marriage. We'd spend 2-4 hours a night emailing. I have become very emotionally attached to this man and he to me. It just feels good to be aknowledged, listened to and validated.

I'm telling you... it will NOT stop at phone calls and texting with your husband and this other woman. Trust me, they will start wanting to spend time together alone, and I don't think I have to tell you where it goes from there. My situation is very similar, however, it's email and phone calls for us. Yes, I have met him on occasion, but we haven't taken it to the next level. But it would be VERY easy to let that happen.

You need to tell your husband that it makes you very uncomfortable that he's spending time talking with and texting another woman. Try telling him your "feelings" rather than attacking his behavior. It's hard to do, but will be better at getting the result you're looking for. I've been to a lot of counseling, and that seems to be the advice I always get. Also... Ask him how you can better meet his needs. Maybe it's as simple as doing a little more listening on your part.

I wish you the best.