[confusedbyitall]

My thinking is that you have posted in this same thread 38 times in a 22 hour period (if I am right - ?) This seems excessive to me, made me think possibly you were badgering her. I would not be happy (were I her) with the blow-by-blow details of our every discussion on a public message board.

If I'm wrong, I'm wrong. I have nothing else to contribute anyway.

Well, I need help in figuring out what might be wrong, getting very good ideas like from you guys, and this is very serious. As you might have guessed, our name isn't really confusedbyitall :) so I'm guessing I'm fairly well anonymous, and if not, well, you know, desperate times call for desperate measures. I am listening and valuing all of this input, thinking, getting ready to make some calls to places, etc.

I am glad you wrote again to clarify. The back and forth helps work things out sometimes where there otherwise would have been a miscommunication left to be sour.

Thank you, again, for your input. 38 times, lol, thanks, I didn't look yet. I know it's a lot, but it is my everything at this point and I don't want to badger her :) . As long as I'm getting feedback and there's some discussion leading to observations, ideas, things to think about, I'm doing everything I can to be ready to improve how I can be for her so she is comfortable and can extract the negativity, and yes, maybe loneliness, too. I am listening and hearing, and thanks very very much!

[confusedbyitall]

You asked for advice and opinions. That's what you got. You can pick and choose which advice you take, you can decide that people who don't agree with you are wrong.

You posted very personal information on a public board and got opinions.

I gave you mine. I said right up front that I thought this was less about her going for counselling and more about couples counselling. It appears you pretty much ignored that at that time.

Your personal attack on me was unnecessary. You don't like my advice, you don't think you have any fault, fine. Keep walking. Ignore me. But in the meantime - please don't put words in my mouth.

I personally would be a lot more comfortable if SHE would actually post HER thoughts. You said she's reading the answers. I'd be curious to know what her perception of you, her and the marriage is.

I would be very uncomfortable with the "I'm going away by myself for a few days, on a retreat, to think things over." I think that's the first step to walking out the door. But, again, you pick the advice you think is right for you. I'm not there, I haven't spoken with her.

And one more, don't take it personally, but sorry, it's off, too, and maybe it's because I wrote it poorly, I'm not sure, but at no point did I ignore what you had to say. I never meant to tell you I was shipping her off to go get herself all fixed up. Retreat for us as a couple. She did have counseling before on her own by her choice and she said it helped. She is going to do that again, too, because she wants to.

Thanks again for your help.

[talaniman]

She wants a divorce.

Me. I go fishing for a few days, and let her do what she wants. But when I got back, introverted or not, someone would owe me an explanation as to why after 11 years, my family is being torn apart!