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loserlegendr · Jul 13, 2008, 10:11 PM

Hey I wanted to ask anyone's opinion on still being a virgin at 19 and not having a girlfriend. Yeah I honestly think it sucks for me because it is very unfair. All my friends have relationships and look very happy and constantly talk about their relationships with one another. When they talk about it I feel so left out and stay quiet because I have nothing to contribute to the conversation. It really feels horrible especially when I say that they are too young to really know what love is because most of them are in high school. They disagree and say that I am wrong and always use the same defense and say " how many girls have you had" and there is silence because it makes me feel like I am worthless. What gets me angry is these so called friends I have think they are always right and believe that having a girl is a panacea to their problems. I feel so lonely and sad because of this. I only have one real friend who accepts me for who I am and does not look at the "girls I have had". My friends constantly keep talking about getting girls and how good they look. They judge me and tell me that I should change who I am. Every time I try to defend myself I lose because of the constant "at least I gotta girl" line. I cannot say that I cannot relate and at the moment I have no girls in mind who like me or even notice I exist. I feel that having a relationship will be great for me but I won't take it to be a life long thing because I am still young and have to live my life. I use the excuse that I don't have a girl because I am focused on school but it makes me look like a loser. It just makes me mad when other people are shocked that I don't have a girl friend and still a virgin at 19 because I am very honest about myself and don't try to hide it. People in my building are very negative about it as well. Some think I want to become a priest and some think I am gay. I am surrounded by ignorance because the ideal man is someone who fights and is tough who gets many girls. I don't meet those requirements. I live a great life I have a family who loves me for who I am and I don't have to worry about money or anything because they have my back. I believe I have a horrible social life because I am never seen with girls. It hurts me deep inside but there are more things to life than having a girlfriend. I truly want to have a relationship but I am too nervous, shy, and unconfident. I would not know what to do. I feel I am just worthless and I have fear of not ever having a girl and being a virgin for the rest of my life. I know I am still young but I am getting older quick. Honestly I have liked many girls in the past but was to nervous to even talk to them. I am lost and I feel no one can help me. I hope this phase in my life changes.

ISneezeFunny · Jul 13, 2008, 10:15 PM

1. I know plenty of guys that have never had girlfriends... even at 22.

2. Those guys that are 19 and are claiming they're in love... most of them will eventually be on this thread asking, "My girlfriend wants a break...what do I do?!?"

Having a girlfriend isn't a self esteem booster... many guys think that once they have a girl, then they'll feel really good about themselves... and that's where the problem is. It's like having a really nice car. Sure, if you drive around in an Aston Martin, you feel like a bada$$... but really, if you're not stable yourself, it means nothing. Sooner or later, the car will break down (the girl will leave... ) and then you're left at the same place.

However, I do advise that perhaps you can work on your confidence. Nothing wrong with not having a girlfriend, but who's to say that you can't have some fun by simply talking to some girls, right?

inthebox · Jul 14, 2008, 12:23 AM

Originally Posted by loserlegendr

Hey I wanted to ask anyones opinion on still being a virgin at 19 and not having a girlfriend. Yeah I honestly think it sucks for me because it is very unfair. All my friends have relationships and look very happy and constantly talk about their relationships with one another. When they talk about it I feel so left out and stay quiet because I have nothing to contribute to the conversation. It really feels horrible especially when I say that they are too young to really know what love is because most of them are in high school. They disagree and say that I am wrong and always use the same defense and say " how many girls have you had" and there is silence because it makes me feel like I am worthless. What gets me angry is these so called friends I have think they are always right and believe that having a girl is a panacea to their problems. I feel so lonely and sad because of this. I only have one real friend who accepts me for who I am and does not look at the "girls I have had". My friends constantly keep talking about getting girls and how good they look. They judge me and tell me that I should change who I am. Every time I try to defend myself I lose because of the constant "at least I gotta girl" line. I cannot say that I cannot relate and at the moment I have no girls in mind who like me or even notice I exist. I feel that having a relationship will be great for me but I won't take it to be a life long thing because I am still young and have to live my life. I use the excuse that I don't have a girl because I am focused on school but it makes me look like a loser. It just makes me mad when other people are shocked that i don't have a girl friend and still a virgin at 19 because I am very honest about myself and don't try to hide it. People in my building are very negative about it as well. Some think I want to become a priest and some think I am gay. I am surrounded by ignorance because the ideal man is someone who fights and is tough who gets many girls. I don't meet those requirements. I live a great life I have a family who loves me for who I am and I don't have to worry about money or anything because they have my back. I believe I have a horrible social life because i am never seen with girls. It hurts me deep inside but there are more things to life than having a girlfriend. I truly want to have a relationship but I am too nervous, shy, and unconfident. I would not know what to do. I feel I am just worthless and I have fear of not ever having a girl and being a virgin for the rest of my life. I know i am still young but I am getting older quick. Honestly I have liked many girls in the past but was to nervous to even talk to them. I am lost and I feel no one can help me. I hope this phase in my life changes.

Don't feel like a loser because the media and the overwhelming culture is shallow. It is all about superficial appearances, and what you have. A truly selfish outlook.

In this hook up society, is it truly something to be proud of to have had sex with a dozen people by the time your 20? Guys who take pride in their number see women as objects.
It takes virtue and strength to remain pure. You have what they can never get back.
Take pride in that.

You are only 19, you are free! You don't have any a relationship to maintain - which involves lots of time, money, and drama.

If you are honestly concentrating on doing well and furthering your education, how is that being a loser? Education, hard work, patience will give you character and a good job. That matters more than looks or whose draped on your arm.

So many people would dream to have a family that loves them unconditionallly, and are financially secure.

Look, I'm not denying the very human urge to be with someone; but, waiting to get your education, a good job, being independent and confident because of what you have accomplished and that you having a loving family, will be an aphrodisiac to a high quality woman who can appreciate someone like you.

No, you are not a loser.

sahibz_sahibz · Jul 14, 2008, 05:02 AM

Good man I back u up

mta · Jul 14, 2008, 11:29 AM

You are an original in a world of followers. I lost my virginity when I was 16 because I thought that I was a loser because I was a virgin. And still to this day (10 years later) I wish I would have stayed a virgin until marriage. I know that sounds ancient and boring but most of my sadness in life came from my bad decisions surrounding sex. You are only as good as you think you are. Sounds like you have self esteem issues more than anything. You need to decide who you are and stick to it. Im assuming that you like girls don't get offended, some guys don't have that pull towards getting a girlfriend because perhaps that isn't there perferance. Again decide who you are and build yourself back up. Besides I personally think there is something sexy about a man that is saving his goods for a woman that is worthy of it, if you know what I'm saying :cool:

Choux · Jul 14, 2008, 01:23 PM

I think I can help you, los. I suffered from the same problem that I think you have when I was in high school and all the people around me and me, of course, were full of surging hormones.

The only thing you have to do now is to learn how to make friends with a couple, or a few girls. Don't expand the situation in your mind so much that when you say something to a girl, you are already imaging her in bed with you receiving hot kisses and your turgid penis! Too much pressure!!

There is nothing wrong with you, you are just shy.

OK, so you just need to try to make friends with a girl to start... baby steps. THAT'S ALL.

The best place for that is at work. YOu and a female have a lot to talk about, the job, and that leads to all other topics of conversation.

Get a job as a busboy in a good size restaurant and make friends with the waitresses. That is a super way for you to start conversatin' with available females and gain confidence. And so on... :)

Work and meet females, work is the key.

N0help4u · Jul 14, 2008, 01:37 PM

Just because you do not keep up with THEIR standards does not make you a loser.
It gives you time to focus on other things without all the relationship drama.
While they are trying to figure out how to get along and what they expect from each other and if they want to make up after they break up, you have an advantage in a way because you can focus on your goals in life and no girl to try and take you in a different direction.

Work on getting your life together and someday when you are successful and have a wonderful girlfriend you can come back at them with your success story.

Fr_Chuck · Jul 14, 2008, 02:42 PM

In fact your friends should wish they could be like you, how many of them have had various girls by now, ( all of them the real love? )
And now they have a lot of baggage to bring to the next girl friend, and then the next. Plus you know what, so many guys lie, they don't sleep with every girl they go out with, but they think they have to say they did,

MGcali · Jul 15, 2008, 03:26 AM

Originally Posted by loserlegendr

Hey I wanted to ask anyones opinion on still being a virgin at 19 and not having a girlfriend. Yeah I honestly think it sucks for me because it is very unfair. All my friends have relationships and look very happy and constantly talk about their relationships with one another. When they talk about it I feel so left out and stay quiet because I have nothing to contribute to the conversation. It really feels horrible especially when I say that they are too young to really know what love is because most of them are in high school. They disagree and say that I am wrong and always use the same defense and say " how many girls have you had" and there is silence because it makes me feel like I am worthless. What gets me angry is these so called friends I have think they are always right and believe that having a girl is a panacea to their problems. I feel so lonely and sad because of this. I only have one real friend who accepts me for who I am and does not look at the "girls I have had". My friends constantly keep talking about getting girls and how good they look. They judge me and tell me that I should change who I am. Every time I try to defend myself I lose because of the constant "at least I gotta girl" line. I cannot say that I cannot relate and at the moment I have no girls in mind who like me or even notice I exist. I feel that having a relationship will be great for me but I won't take it to be a life long thing because I am still young and have to live my life. I use the excuse that I don't have a girl because I am focused on school but it makes me look like a loser. It just makes me mad when other people are shocked that i don't have a girl friend and still a virgin at 19 because I am very honest about myself and don't try to hide it. People in my building are very negative about it as well. Some think I want to become a priest and some think I am gay. I am surrounded by ignorance because the ideal man is someone who fights and is tough who gets many girls. I don't meet those requirements. I live a great life I have a family who loves me for who I am and I don't have to worry about money or anything because they have my back. I believe I have a horrible social life because i am never seen with girls. It hurts me deep inside but there are more things to life than having a girlfriend. I truly want to have a relationship but I am too nervous, shy, and unconfident. I would not know what to do. I feel I am just worthless and I have fear of not ever having a girl and being a virgin for the rest of my life. I know i am still young but I am getting older quick. Honestly I have liked many girls in the past but was to nervous to even talk to them. I am lost and I feel no one can help me. I hope this phase in my life changes.

It's cool man there's no rush. If you don't feel confident at this point in your life that's fine. Like Sneezy said, just work on your confidence and you'll be fine... trust me everything happens in its time.

MGcali · Jul 15, 2008, 03:37 AM

Your not a loser! Don't beat yourself down because of what other people say! Stay true to yourself and don't be affected by others trying to put you down. Being single isn't all that bad.. :D

You have the freedom of doing what you want when you want it. And if talking to girls isn't your thing then that's fine too. Everything takes time and before you know it she'll be standing on your door step..

smoothy · Jul 15, 2008, 05:20 AM

Losers do what they think everyone else or even worse Hollywood thinks they should be doing.

A winner sticks to their guns and waits for that special person. Not just banging the first warm body that is offered up.

There are plenty of losers in Hollywood. Just look at how disfunctional 98% of them are. Just because TV portraies it as average and normal doesn't make it so.

beebeecee · Jul 16, 2008, 01:25 AM

My advice - everyone moves through life to their own rhythm, it's nothing to be angry about, or ashamed of, or anything at all it just is. Be happy with yourself, take care of yourself, and don't bother with the argument you've been having with your friends because it's obviously lose-lose and they mean it to be that way... god forbid one of them would ever admit that something wasn't right in their world. Stop being a masochistic plaything for your friends and find something that pleases you(like enjoying friendship, or a hobby, or self-pleasure)... eventually some nice girl will happen by and take interest and it'll be great but no less or more great than whatever you were doing before.

blackblue · Jul 16, 2008, 05:51 PM

Don't let their ignorance bring you down.Your personal business isn't theirs.I don't see a problem with being a virgin at 19.Maybe at 40 but not 19.It's better to wait for someone special than to sex every person you see out on the streets.I personally think it's nasty for people to sleep around.I honesty don't see how one does it.My bro is a man whore and I see all these naïve chicks giving it up not know that he's had a std or multiple baby mamas.

I would rather have someone who is a virgin, than someone who has had multiple sex partners.Don't be discouraged.You're not a loser.

N0help4u · Jul 16, 2008, 06:25 PM

Ignorance? Rather a harsh word for this isn't it?

blackblue · Jul 16, 2008, 06:43 PM

Originally Posted by N0help4u

Ignorance? rather a harsh word for this isn't it?

As far as his friends go, no.They are ignorant.

N0help4u · Jul 16, 2008, 06:45 PM

Oh yeah read it wrong

tropikool · Jul 16, 2008, 06:54 PM

Awws hun don't bring yourself down, be happy the way you are, there's no need to be ashamed, I wish I could give more advice but I not good at it, just be yourself, don't care what other people think, keep you head up hight MWAHS to you xoxox

JoeCanada76 · Jul 16, 2008, 06:57 PM

It is a rarity, but if your friends jumped off a high bridge would you?

The thing is your better off to enjoy your life and be single. It is best. No rushing, no being in relationships just because your friends are. Etc... Etc...

It is better to wait for the right time. Save yourself for that special person.

charlotte234s · Jul 16, 2008, 10:22 PM

I think the only losers there are are the people who do things just to fit in. Being 19 and a virgin is NOT a huge deal. You are young, and you will find the right girl one day. Don't be shy about talking to girls, because if you are nice to them, even if that girl isn't attracted to you, it's safe to say that she WILL be your friend, assuming you don't talk about anything nasty or horrible, and you aren't smelly or something that makes people not want to be your friend, but I think you are just shy, and there's nothing wrong with that. Once you start trying to open up to some people, you will find it easier to open up to others as well.

And as for having a girlfriend and being a virgin and all that stuff.. Once you get some confidence and get out there talking to girls and making new friends and stuff, you will find a girl for you, if you try. And girls would MUCH rather be with a guy who is a virgin, and may have to experiment and such, than a man who has slept with a dozen whores and needs to get tested for disease..

smoothy · Jul 17, 2008, 07:41 AM

There are ealy bloomers... we all know who they are. The popular crowd. And there are late bloomers. Which is you. Trick is don't sweat it and you will find the right person, its not something you want to rush. If you do you end up like one of your married buddies with 5 kids and a fat wife that does nothing but complain all the time... hopelessly unhappy because instead of taking time to get to know her he jumped quickly into a relationship and marriage with someone he didn't really know just because she was once hot... until it was too late. Beauty fades but personality remains.