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giggles · Mar 29, 2006, 09:43 PM

Help!! I'm hoping you can give me some advice and feedback!
Some months ago, I wrote about a guy who broke up with me (see link below)
Well, he has reappeared in my life, and I'm a little confused. I'll try to keep this simple.
Since the amicable breakup (I was upset, but got on with things), we have been in touch as we are working on a project together. I limited my contact with him to emails, and any phone calls were generally initiated by him. I kept things to a professional minimum, and gradually, we became more chatty over the phone. I had to travel the country for work, and he would call to update me on meetings, and we would exchange bits of news, joke about and I was liking getting to know him as a friend, and gradually got over him.
On the course of this work trip, which lasted a month, I became involved with another colleague. It was something that could go nowhere, as he is in a relationship (I know,not good... ),but we clicked, and it was a great experience that brought something out in me.The night we came back to my city, there was a party for all the work colleagues,and my ex who knew I was going to be there, came in for a drink.
I was happy to see him, but shocked when he took me aside and said he had missed me, and wanted us to try again.He said all his reasons for breaking up with me were silly,that he needed someone like me in his life,and he tried to kiss me.I refused the kiss, and said I had had a few drinks,but would like to talk about the whole thing when sober.We had a nice evening,he left and then we exchanged texts over the ensuing weekend. I even asked him how drunk he'd been the night before, and he assured me he'd been sober and in good form.
We spoke on the phone a few days later, and he asked me to attend a meeting as he would be out of the country.I said id like to see him,and not to talk about the meeting.he agreed,and said he'd call when he got back.he texted to ask about the meeting,I told him how it went, and he asked me to meet him over the weekend.I said that would be great.on Friday night,he still hadn't called,so I texted and asked him to the cinema.I got a reply at midnight to say he was sick,and could we meet over the weekend?I said,OK,I'm busy sat afternoon so call me after that.saturday night he rings me at almost 10pm,and I was going out to a party,after giving up on him.he was hoarse,sick and had been working flatout that day.the conversation went well, but I was kind of annoyed he'd left me hanging without letting me know he wasn't going to see me. I pretended not to be though,because I like him and don't want to scare him off with my usual forthrightness!
On Sunday night I texted him asking if he wanted to see a show I had free tickets to the following night. Monday 2pm he texts me from his work and says he's filming all week till late and won't be able to go to any shows. Then he asked me was I busy for the week?I replied the next evening,saying the show had been great,and asking how his film was going,and hoped he felt better. That was Tuesday evening. I didn't get a reply.
I'm really annoyed and upset!! I had gotten over this guy and now I'm so confused about the whole thing!has he "changed his mind" and doesn't have the guts to tell me?is he just busy and doesn't realise I need to feel a bit of pursuit on his part?or is this just some weird game?
Sorry this is so ridiculously long, I wanted to include the facts.what do you think? It's also possible he heard about my fling with the co-worker, but surely that is none of his business as it happened before he approached me?it's now 2 weeks since he brought all this up, and we haven't met face to face at all.
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=18373

kp2171 · Mar 29, 2006, 09:52 PM

You are a little crazy about him, right?

Because it is too hard for me to tell what's going on w him. I'd say I probably don't trust him completely... wanting "someone like you in his life" just isn't the same as wanting you. Maybe its just semantics. Idunno.

The whole sick thing followed up by busy work... well, that does happen. And he might still be casually interested in this relationship.

So my not so short answer is I cannot tell if he's playing games, maybe, and you probably need to back off a bit and see how badly he wants to be with you.

giggles · Mar 29, 2006, 09:57 PM

Thanks for your reply! Yes I've decided that after asking him to two things and being turned down, its up to him to contact me... I don't like how I'm all in a tizzy about him all over again though. It's like he's dangling a carrot in front of me.:mad: and I'm a pretty straight up person, which he claims he missed and loves about me. So this pussyfooting around is really infuriating.

Myth · Mar 29, 2006, 10:23 PM

Once shame on you, twice shame on me. I would ditch him. It sounds like he just wanted to know if he could still get to you. I would go back to just interacting at the minimum level and see how he likes it. If he does try this type of stunt again I would tell him, sorry not interested even though I might be. It will probably catch him way off guard... lol.. I would love to see the look on his face. (sorry I'm really into reactions, they tell a lot about a person)

giggles · Mar 29, 2006, 11:26 PM

You could be right. I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt though, as he's quite well known through his job, and as a consequence is quite shy and wary of relationships. Either way, that stuff shouldn't come into it, though should it?it's about how I feel, isn't it?

Myth · Mar 29, 2006, 11:44 PM

It is totally up to you and how you feel. I would just be cautious. The shy and quiet type are the ones who tend to catch my interest too. They usually don't stay that way for long and his at work personallity and away from work personality are two different things... just be careful I wouldn't want to see you get hurt.

giggles · Mar 29, 2006, 11:52 PM

Thanks! You're right about the personality thing. He's an actor, so comes across as really confident and outgoing, but he isn't really that way at all. I'm just confused with all the mixed signals. It would look completely desperate to confront him on all of this (which is exactly what I want to do!) I just feel he might be wasting my time, and if he HAS just been really busy, I'll look like a total saddo for being so bothered about it.
Should I just put him out of my head altogether?

Myth · Mar 30, 2006, 12:02 AM

For now I would find something else to concentrate on. It might give you time to put things in perspective and let him come to you. If he wants what he says he wants he'll be back but don't get your hopes up. Let it happen if it's going to. If it doesn't well then your not going to be as hurt as before. My advice is to play it safe and don't show your cards. He may also like the chase too, and not the catch... hard to say. Still play it safe.

DJ 'H' · Mar 30, 2006, 02:41 AM

I have a good friend who is very much the same as this guy. My friend 'C' knows what he wants out of life and knows the girl that he wants to be with, but won't actually do anything about it. One minute he will be with her having a great time telling her that he wants to be with her. The next he will be making up all sorts of excuse why he cannot see her, yet when I call him up to ask him to do something he will.

He won't actually bring himself to grab what he wants. His life plan at 17 went out the window as he became a farther - but even so there is no reason why he should not be with the one he wants to be with.

Instead he ended up playing stupid games a lot like this guy is with you. He ended up being on and off and could never make a decision. In the end he lost out as this girl just was not going to put up with being messed a round and made to look like a fool. So she chose to get on with her life and forget about him and it was th best thing she ever did. And you have probably gathered the girl is another of my good friends - so it was piggy in the middle for me. But it left me unconvinced of C's feelings.

Seriously I don't think this guy is worth it. Men generally know what they want and who they want to be with, if this guy cannot just be straight with you then it is a clear indication that his heart is not really in it and he really does not have a clue what he wants - you don't need someone like that messing with your head.

Just leave him to it and carry on living your own life xxx

fredg · Mar 30, 2006, 05:19 AM

Hi, giggles,
Whether he wants to date you is how he feels, not how you feel. This is true with most relationships, or meeting someone.
If he doesn't want to get together with you, it won't happen.
You have done all you can. If he doesn't respond, it's time to meet new people.

giggles · Mar 30, 2006, 08:51 AM

Thanks so much for your responses, especially after taking time to read that mammoth post! I received another text from him this morning, which was really nice and sweet. I haven't replied though. Might wait and see if he could be bothered making a real phone call! I think I'll take your advice: wait and see, but in the meantime, get on with my own life and have fun... I wasn't looking for a boyfriend when he popped back up in any case! I'll let you know what happens, thanks lads x (and lasses! Just a phrase where I come from, no discrimination intended! :) )

DJ 'H' · Mar 30, 2006, 08:54 AM

That used to be one of my phrases when I was younger - no offence taken.

I am so glad we were able to help you feel better about things and give you the courage you needed to lift you out of your confusion.

I can tell you are a very strong, kind hearted person who will go very far and will achieve true happiness when the right times comes.

Good luck with everything xx

giggles · Mar 30, 2006, 09:01 AM

:o ah cheers, that's such a sweet post! It was great to get some feedback, and clarity... onwards and upwards, eh? X

DJ 'H' · Mar 30, 2006, 09:07 AM

It most certainly is! And I was just being honest in my last post!

Being a DJ I have an appropriate song for this thread:

"I am the one and only - nobody I would rather be"
I am the one and only - you can't take that away from me"

Good old Chesney Hawks - repeat it to yourself and stand by it my dear! Don't ever let anyone take away your good heart and smile and don't ever let anyone stop you from being you. ;)