[FULLofRACQUET]

Just hang in there, bud! Times are rough right now, and I hate to use a quote from a movie, but,

"The night is darkest just before the dawn."

Right now might seem like a sh*t pile, but allow your friends, family, hobbies and yourself be the stable boys and begin to clean up the pile of sh*t. You can't get rid of it all in one scoop. It takes time.

I know how hard it is to have somebody manipulate you into believing that they are the one, and then they pick up their things and move on without even blinking. It's straight up ridiculous if you ask me! But, you cannot allow them to ruin your life, while they are obviously enjoying theirs! This is who she is, and yeah it sucks to find out that the person you loved was pretty much a fraud, but sometimes that's the way the cookie crumbles. It sucks to realize this, and it will take time to get past this hurt. And that is exactly what is going to heal this horrible sting. I just got some great advice not too long ago which has been helping me with the healing process.

"Start becoming the person that the ones closest to you will be proud of and respect."

If you cut yourself off from being happy because of your ex, then nobody will be given the chance to enjoy you for YOU! Life is short my friend, and it should be enjoyed!
Take more time to grieve, but don't allow it to be the only thing you do! Enjoy the beauty of life, instead of dwelling on one bad aspect. If you begin to be happy and surround yourself in things you enjoy, then it is inevitable that you will find somebody, without even looking.

Take care bud and remember to enjoy the beauty of the day!

[talaniman]

Your so busy being about her, and her decisions, your not making decisions for yoursef. More specifically, where your life is going. We are talking nearly two months of confusion. Just think, if you had put that time, and energy, into where your life is going. Heck, you could have moved on, and had 100 dates, 59 new g/f's, by now, and a new car, and some killer threads.

Keep on thinking about her though, and wonder why your CONFUSED about where your life is going. Not to late to start thinking of it now though.

[Sammie66]

I have been going on dates and meeting new girls with no success as yet. I just got used and tricked and it's difficult to understand. I'm only thinking about it today because of the dance last night, but I just can't get over how alike we were and how we seemed to just be made for each other and in love, then suddenly I'm told that everything was a lie and she actually doesn't give a sh*t about me.

It's really made me lose trust in people and I wish I knew what I was looking for in a woman because she was what I was looking for until I found out that it wasn't real.

I know that sounds a bit muddled but it's hard to describe. I'm just a little lost at the moment and don't know how to get back to where I want to be.

Maybe that's just how I made her feel when I broke up with her. She maybe felt insecure with me and this guy at her work made her feel secure. That's why she broke up with me for him and moved in so fast - security. I just wished she had realised that I had always intended on spending my life with her and only broke it off in a panic. My fault though. I just won't do it to the next girl I fall for.

[LivingtheLifeinFLA]

Sammy:

I read your entire post and I have a few suggestions:

1. Never listen to a woman's words only her actions. They all lie. Women will stay in relationships even when they are not happy until they find someone else and then BAM, the guy is left blindsided as you are. She was done long ago, realize it now.

2. You need to get on a mild antidepressant like paxil. There is nothng wrong with this but this will help get the thoughts of her out of your mind, because this one is driving you crazy. Then ween yourself off it in 6 months.

3. You cannot move to the future until you are done with the past. Learn to enjoy being with yourself. I know everyone says this but it's true. I have more woman now, then I can handle, and frankly its because I couldn't care less about being with them. Today, I tiled a bathroom by myself and enjoyed every minute of being with myself and creating something of importance, instead of listening to some mind numbing drama stories about what her stupid friends are doing.

4. The next girl is always better than the last. You know why? Because you realize how shallow the last one was when you meet the next one.

5. You are the Prize, not her. Keep this in your mind ALWAYS. Woman wan men, not little boys, so from now on, you are the man, you are the prize. Deal with it. Lead, don't follow. Inherently, woman seek shelter and security, show it to them and if you can't fake it.

6. Woman want what they cannot have. When you have a hot girlfriend, every other girl wants you, it's called validation. Keep a few around. You do this by being friends with them, but always letting them know that you want to have sex with them.

BTW, your ex is an insecure flake who doesn't know what she wants. You are not the one who screwed up. You will realize this when you find a girl that treats you well and is mature.

Also, when you go on these dates, don't ever bring up the ex. If asked, simple state that you went for a few months but she didn't 't meet your standards. Then change the subject, to something like, "so, when are you going to cook me dinner?"

Also, you want to know about rebounds - read my past posts on it. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...tml#post835484

[Sammie66]

The fact that she could have been with me but not wanting me makes me feel sick. I know this is true because she told my sister in law she was "falling for me but blocking me out" because she didn't want to get hurt. I think she started to hate and resent me to do this.

It's my fault for messing her about.

I'm much better - the only problem I have is that it still feels 'unreal' and like a bad dream. At one point we were both mad about each other.

[Ithappenstoall]

I feel that because you have no other "real" relationship to compare this one to that you think this was the perfect one for you. I am sure that you had great times, but these are not the current times and are in the past.
I feel you are not making an effort to block her out of your head and I feel that every time you think about her you start analizing everything. You need to control that, but I am telling you that this will make your next relationship better as you have learned from this and are a step closer to knowing what it is that you want in a women.

[busterite]

I'm much better - the only problem I have is that it still feels 'unreal' and like a bad dream. At one point we were both mad about each other.

I have been following your thread since I have been going through a similar situation over the last 2 months. You say you are much better but every chance you get you drag yourself down again.

Ok so lets say you were responsible for messing things up (which I totally disagree with as I have stated in my previous posts on your thread). Haven't you ever made a mistake in your life again? And if you have how did you deal with it? And most importantly what did you learn from it and how did it help you make the right decisions the next time you had to deal with a tough situation?

Now as for the question on where your life is heading the answer is wherever you want it to. Where was your life heading before you met this girl? Did you ever wonder where your life was heading before you met this girl? This situation has helped you question all aspects of yourself and your life and if anything will help you figure out where you want your life to head to.

[busterite]

I'm much better - the only problem I have is that it still feels 'unreal' and like a bad dream. At one point we were both mad about each other.

I have been following your thread since I have been going through a similar situation over the last 2 months. You say you are much better but every chance you get you drag yourself down again.

Ok so lets say you were responsible for messing things up (which I totally disagree with as I have stated in my previous posts on your thread). Haven't you ever made a mistake in your life again? And if you have how did you deal with it? And most importantly what did you learn from it and how did it help you make the right decisions the next time you had to deal with a tough situation?

Now as for the question on where your life is heading the answer is wherever you want it to. Where was your life heading before you met this girl? Did you ever wonder where your life was heading before you met this girl? This situation has helped you question all aspects of yourself and your life and if anything will help you figure out where you want your life to head to.

[LivingtheLifeinFLA]

she told my sister in law she was "falling for me but blocking me out" because she didn't want to get hurt. I think she started to hate and resent me to do this.

This is female talk so she could feel better about herself and look good in your SIL's eyes. It's all BS, she's done.

You need to quit blaming yourself and help yourself. People your age and particularly women are flaky and do not know what they want. The other guy is not better, it's just what she wanted at the moment.

A good women will be there for you through thick and thin as you should for her, and you stating you need some personal time is thin not thick, so don't go blaming yourself again.

Plus, this is the time for you to have the time of your life, but first you need to get right. Take the paxil, if you are depressed and thinking 24/7 this.

You need to get busy. We have all been through this. 6 months time you will feel better. Put it on the calendar and set that as your goal.

Also, on a side note, cut out pictures of everything you want in life and put it in a folder. Open it up and look at the photos each day. In 20 years you will have the majority of them. I did and it works.

[Sammie66]

I am doing lots of new things and I don't think of her 24/7. I just miss her from time to time

[Ithappenstoall]

Ok so there is progress, just keep reminding yourself that.
Before, you would think about her all the time and would obssess about it and would try to understand her every movement.

Now You miss her from time to time. You start to see that she is not perfect.

Later, You will rarely think of her and if you do you will quickly remember and get it out off your head and move on with your day. At this point I guarantee you will see her differently and will be fine.

I am I think now in the later stage, when I think of her now I laugh at how stupid I was when I would just feel powerless on so many occasions and how I would just be trying to do stuff for her, In fact did too much according to people which granted made me look good but unnecessary. You then start to see that in many ways she was not for you and that peoples advice all along made sense, you were just to "in a zone" to see it.

On top of this time will help you and everything will work out. I remember telling you way back that I could give her 20 times what her new official guy could in many ways, but now I realize there is more to life then just being with someone. Her life in the last 4 years has been the same in the sense now no new changes except our breakup and the "replacement" , I mean she was even suppose to graduate and a few days before decided to stay at school for another three years and "try" soemthing new, are you kidding me haha, still not mature and not for a while I am sure. You see this is one of the things I see now (that I couldn't before) was that I would try and believe and make her seem like someone she was not in my head, putting her on a higher pedestal, and that would be make act more obssesive (which is not me) because I would try and make her be and act like the girl I wanted and thought she was.
Meanwhile my life right now is going uphill again. First of I lined up a new job for next year already paying mid 6 figures ( and I'm only 23), second everyone tells me still how happy they are to see me as myself again and not with her (interseting right ) and third I found out this girl has a huge crush on me (which is cool to know it boost self confidence :) ). So "just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in". We went from a happy state (before the breakup) to a sad, sad and sad state but that happy state is right aroung the corner, believe me .

Keep on doing what you are doing, and you will be yourself in notime... Guarantee

[Sammie66]

I am getting better and happier all the time. I just can't see anyone else giving me what she did. Like I say, we matched so well. I'll meet someone at some point I guess

[Ithappenstoall]

I guarantee you will.

[Sammie66]

I just hope I meet someone and actually think she is better. I don't think I will. I might have the same feelings, but it's hard for me to judge only having had 1 girlfriend.

We both were absolutely smitten with each other until I ruined it by breaking up when I panicked. So I don't know if I can love someone more. It's confusing!

[talaniman]

Let me fill you in on something you have not experienced yet.

When you have learned to deal with your feelings, and emotions, in a healthy way, you will also be able to understand, and deal with the emotions, and feelings of others, a lot better.

Then you will realize how special you are as an individual, and appreciate how special others are as individuals.

Then you will know that there are many females that are out here, who are not only more compatible than your ex was, but bond, communicate and want to work with you to build a relationship, and aren't confused, about it either.

So the bottom line is, by letting go, and dealing with yourself, and your own feelings, you will be better prepared, for a much better, caring and sharing, relationship. I guarantee it!!

If that don't motivate you, to move to better things, nothing will.

[Sammie66]

I just came back from a date. It went well and she's really nice. I just don't feel on the same wavelength though. I do want to give it a chance though and get to know her. She's really likeable.

[talaniman]

Did you both have a great time??

[Ithappenstoall]

Take things slow, do not go out hoping to feel something for someone so fast, give it time. Again go out for the fun of going out and see where that takes you. Do not go out thinking "hey is she my possible new girl" (something along those lines :) ). Relax, be yourself and take it slow

[Sammie66]

It was fun, but I didn't feel an immediate connection like I've had before. She's a little bit younger than me so maybe we're not quite on the same page, but I'm not going to rush anything.

I'm quite glad she lives with her parents - it means I can't rush it even if I wanted to.

[talaniman]

Relax, and enjoy yourself, no expectations.