Check out some similar questions!

affectioneight · Jul 10, 2008, 07:15 PM

After dating a girl for two months I told her it was over. She told me one night that her ex husband use to hit her with a belt and forced her to have sex. This was a lot for me to deal with and hard for me to look or think of her without visualizing the events. I really enjoyed being with her and we both felt strong about each other. Now I am stuck and not quite sure how to deal with her past... Any recommendations? I do understand she is not the victim.

ylaira · Jul 10, 2008, 07:22 PM

Did u break up because she can't get over the abused and ur relationship suffered?Its not your reposnsibility to heal her but you have to be very patient in future. Cut all the contacts for now, be busy, establish a goal and visit on this site a lot. You will see your not alone.

JoeCanada76 · Jul 10, 2008, 07:24 PM

Clarify your question? She was the victim or was not the victim?

Forcing means that somebody is doing something that the other person does not want.

Any recommendations. To late for recommendations you already dumped her for something that happened in the past.

It actually showed real courage to tell you about the past and then you used it against her, right?

affectioneight · Jul 10, 2008, 07:33 PM

Telling Me About The Past Brought Back Memories Of My Own. Without Knowing All The Details It Is Difficult To Assume Whether I Was Hurt And I Was. My Mother Was Abused As Well And What She Told Me Was Too Close To Home

JoeCanada76 · Jul 10, 2008, 07:49 PM

Maybe she needs reasurance. Maybe since she opened up to you, it is only fair that you opened up to her.

Guidostern · Jul 10, 2008, 09:42 PM

The best thing I can say is don't look at her as a victim. Most people need a lot of support and change during these times. Now I've never been physically abused, but I see people day in and day out who are in these situations.

Be a little bit more supportive and don't look at her as though she is still in an abusive relationship. Your question isn't exactly clear, so it's hard to answer any better. As Ylaira asked, did you break up with her because she can't deal with this, or did you break up with her because you can't deal with it?

Romefalls19 · Jul 11, 2008, 06:35 AM

I can relate to you affection, about being with a girl who was abused, the best I can tell you is to care for her and be the shoulder for her to cry on. She was a victim during all this but I understand it's hard to look past. I just remember that I am her present, I won't be the same guy as him.

I don't understand the main question though, you broke up with her, but want to be with her? Please elaborate

talaniman · Jul 11, 2008, 08:37 AM

You did the right thing, as she doesn't need you around, since you cannot get over your own issues to help, and support her.

affectioneight · Jul 12, 2008, 02:45 PM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

I can relate to you affection, about being with a girl who was abused, the best I can tell you is to care for her and be the shoulder for her to cry on. She was a victim during all this but I understand it's hard to look past. I just remember that I am her present, I won't be the same guy as him.

I don't understand the main question though, you broke up with her, but want to be with her? Please elaborate

I told her this was very difficult for me to deal with and asked her why did she share this with me? Her response was I felt comfortable with you. I am not angry at her I am angry at me. I feel I may have ended what could have been a beautiful, loving relationship. Truth is my childhood was not pretty and I witnessed my Father do the same thing to my Mother..

Homegirl 50 · Jul 12, 2008, 02:59 PM

Then you need to work on yourself. It's a good thing you are not with her because you are in need of healing yourself. Get some counseling to help you come to terms with the feelings you are having.

affectioneight · Jul 13, 2008, 05:25 PM

For everyone out there listening.. We spent a beautiful night together. Counseling... booo Been there done that. They never helped, only made it worse. Not to mention the meds they want to put you own. I reached deep down as I always have and gathered the strength that so few of us are fortunate we have and moved forward. The spiritual sufferings are the weights that strengthen us.

Homegirl 50 · Jul 13, 2008, 08:42 PM

So you got back with her? You have dealt with the feeling you have, or did you hop into bed and try to mask what you're going through?

bigbird213 · Jul 13, 2008, 09:00 PM

I'm confused as to the situation...

Are you with her currently, or not? If not, I think it was a fairly cowardly thing to do to break up with her due to her past. It was not something she chose to do, and I'm sure she didn't enjoy it. Would you break up with someone beucase they were assaulted? It just doesn't seem right...