[sad mom in law]

My daughter in law called me screaming that I didn't love her or treat her right. Not true I have tried so hard to make her feel welcome in our lives. She has my son convinced of it. It started months ago while she was pregnant. My best friend works for the OB she goes to. My daughter in laws mom has been in a lot of trouble with the law for indentity theft among other things and is now serving time in prison for the charges. I told my best friend about her and she told the sonogram person not to leave her purse in the room with her for her own good. My friend was very discreet about it. My d-i-L discovered this from my daughter and went off on me. I feel like I had a obligation to protect us all from her moms stealing. This was a very serious issue. She has snowballed everything I say and do ever since. Now she is saying that we can't see our newborn grandson and she wants to move into a new county in our state so she doesn't have to have any contact with my son, grandson and her. I tried to make her understand but to no avail. And help You can give I will appreciate.

[Scleros]

I think you're unlikely to rectify the situation with reason or logic. Considering you're linked to this DIL for the long haul and she seems quite ballistic and melodramatic to me, why don't you apologize even if you don't feel it's right or necessary and in the future weigh the potential costs of insinuating gossip against the time you could spend with your grandson. Things don't always make sense. Pick/avoid your battles for the important stuff.

[liz28]

Was the daughter-in-law mother in the room while she was getting her sonogram? When you work in a hospital or clinic your personal belongings are suppose to be lock up anyway away from patients.

If I was your daughter-in-law I'd be upset too for telling personal family business, especially to someone who she must see at the clinic where she get prenatal care. Even though you thought you was doing a good deed, I think it was wrong and maybe an embrassment to her. After everything was said and done your daughter spilled the beans on you, probulary because she too thought you was wrong and you want the daughter in law to feel what towards you, happy? She can't control whatever bad her mother done nor her mother's life, only hers. You owed her a sorry, at least to see your grandson. Do what's right. The choice is yours, choose wisely.

Also, it don't seem like you have a daughter-in-law from hell but you do have a pissed off one.

[JBeaucaire]

Nothing cools off a blowhard faster than praise and adoration, except maybe butt-kissing and sincere apologies. Can you do all that? If you can, you can disarm her anger and spite because you're sugar-coating everything back at her like she's nature's goddess.

Hard to do, but might pay off. Being mad at her isn't working, so this couldn't make things worse, right?

[Romefalls19]

I agree with Liz, it was her mother who made those mistakes not the DIL. Should you be punished for something your mother did during her life, no matter how great of a person you are? The girl probably felt a great deal of shame in you spreading her family business around. How would you feel if that was the case and the roles reversed? You do owe her an apology.

[talaniman]

Let the emotional dust settle and take the high road, apologies for blabbing her business, and make amends. Geez, you know how pregnant females can be.

[sad mom in law]

Yes her mom was in the room while she was getting her sonogram. And yes the person giving it always has her personal things in the same room . Never a problem before. DIL is a vicious person who fights with everyone she meets. It is always a conflict when she is around. I did apoloze to her and she would not accept it. I am not going to kiss for the rest of my life. She needs to grow up. She is 21 years of age and my son is 35 years of age. I told her she was acting very immature and she blew again. Using a child as a weapon against us is terrible. She throws fits and wants to fight constantly.

[Chery]

so she doesn't have to have any contact with my son, grandson and her.

Am I reading this right? Does this mean that she is no longer with your son?

What's done is done. You can only hope that even if she moves, she might change her mind and some day need and want help with the child and grow up and realize that the child has a right to everyone in it's family. There is no guarantee, only hope. And until then, try your best to not tick her off again by leaving her alone and not talking about her.

You might not like her or think well of her, but in the end, she is the mother of your grandchild and she will have control over you in that aspect.

Try your best to keep our cool from now on. Maybe you'll have to be satisfied with pictures for a while - which would be better than nothing.

Good luck.

She cannot prevent you from writing or getting gifts, even if she won't allow you to send them, you can keep them all for a time when the child can make a choice and it will notice what mom kept away.

[DIVERDUDE07]

my daughter in law called me screaming that I didn't love her or treat her right. not true i have tried so hard to make her feel welcome in our lives. she has my son convinced of it. It started months ago while she was pregnant. My best friend works for the OB she goes to. My daughter in laws mom has been in a lot of trouble with the law for indentity theft among other things and is now serving time in prison for the charges. I told my best friend about her and she told the sonogram person not to leave her purse in the room with her for her own good. my friend was very discreet about it. My d-i-L discovered this from my daughter and went off on me. I feel like I had a obligation to protect us all from her moms stealing. This was a very serious issue. she has snowballed everything I say and do ever since. Now she is saying that we can't see our newborn grandson and she wants to move into a new county in our state so she doesn't have to have any contact with my son, grandson and her. I tried to make her understand but to no avail. And help You can give i will appreciate.

She is not really blood family, you do not have to love her, just treat her with respect and everything will be fine

[Synnen]

Wait... WHO is using the child as blackmail?

WHO is being immature?

Sounds like you're not getting your way about your grandson, and like you don't approve of your daughter-in-law in general, and now you want her to "act mature" because you want to see your grandson? Sounds like you're being manipulating, to me. Maybe it IS your grandson--but it's HER son. Her rules apply regarding him.

You asked how to get her to see reason? Act reasonable yourself. Be nice to her, stop telling anyone she might meet about her mother (I mean really--how immature of you to spread that kind of gossip!). Start taking your daughter-in-law's side in some things, instead of always having to have it YOUR way.

What comes across to me, from your post, is that you don't like, and have never liked, your daughter-in-law, and that it wasn't an issue until you wanted to see your grandson. Well, why would any mother want their child to see someone who has been mean to her (the mother)? Why would any mother want to only be welcome because of her child?

Whether she is being unreasonable (and I have to keep thinking that there are two sides to this story)--if you want to see your grandson, you are GOING to be kissing her butt.

[Homegirl 50]

She is 21 and pregnant, and you told some personal business of hers to someone in the name of "protecting belongings" Come on, you were gossiping. That was really a cruel thing to do. Sounds to me as though you have never liked her and you took this opportunity to just be nasty.
Stop complaining, give the girl some space, she may come around. Be nice, call her ask how she is doing, send cards. Give a really gracious and sincere apology to her and your son.

[MEA]

You were so wrong in what you did. I don't blame your DIL. Perhaps you could try being honest with her. Let her know how sorry you are and try not to be to pushy. Keep your nose where it belongs from now on.