[littlelostgirl]

Well my parents are basically christian only um.. a little more... hardcore. Like they follow the scriptures as law and as a basis for life. In everyway. And I'm now 14 and for the past couple of years I have know that I don't agree with most of their beliefs. But its really starting to bother me now. And they say that they want to continue to raise me in "the truth" at least until I'm 18. Which I don't know if I can do. I honestly hate their religion. See I'm bi and currently I have a boyfriend. Which basically makes them look down on me for. And I really love my boyfriend and I don't want to break up with him for something that I don't even believe in. he's not the only reason that I dislike the religion with a strong passion for either.

I just don't know what I should do for the next four years

Oh and because of the religions rules I now can't see one of my best friends that I really need right now because she got disfellowshipped.

[Credendovidis]

Well... till you are 18 your parents can indeed force you to follow their religious footsteps, if you like it or not. Specially as you live with your parents.
As for the next 4 years : study as hard as you can and find a place on a university far away to study. At least that is the proper way to get away from under the control by your parents : by showing yourself to be the responsible adult who can make such important decisions in her life herself.

Expect though lot's of critical comments here on you , your sexual preference, your boyfriend, and your friend that got what you call "disfellowshipped".

All the best with you all !

:)

·

[DaBaAd]

Your parents love you enough to care about you and your spiritual path. Even if you don't agree with the doctrines that you are being taught, you need to give yourself a chance to understand them with the help of those whom you trust. You are facing a tough road ahead of you both in the world and "The Way" based on your preferences.

Either choice will bring good and not so good consequences. Weight them carefully and choose wisely.

[Alty]

You seem to know what you want, what you believe, what you need, having said that, you're only 14, not an adult, not able to live your own life.

Your parents can force their religion on you right now, it's unfortunate, but true. When you become an adult then you can go your own way, find your own beliefs, choose your own path, but you've got a few years before that happens.

Listen to your parents with an open mind, they truly believe what they are saying, and they are only looking out for you. Are they right? I don't know.

I do believe in God, but I don't go to Church, I don't read the bible, I worship in my own way, in my own home, based on what my parents taught me. My parents took me to church one a year, on Christmas, not because of the sermon, but because they put on a play and hired a special band, my parents liked the entertainment. :)

One day you can go your own way, but for now you're a child, and you live with your parents and have to follow their rules, like it or not.

Good luck. :)

[Fr_Chuck]

I know I upset my parents when I followed a different Christian teaching. And while it will upset them in various ways most parents will love you anyway no matter if you are bi, or if you are anything that is considered morally wrong.

But until you are 18 ( 17 in a few states) your parents can require you to go to church, they can not force you to believe or accept their teachings,

But to be very very frank, at 14 you should not be sexually anything you are a child and should not be having any sort of sexual experience anyway.

[Alty]

Fr_Chuck, I had to spread the rep. I agree 100%. 14 year olds should not be sexually anything.

[bushg]

Jehovahs witness


Look on the bright side of this religion, at least you don't have to go out and sell flowers, stop cutting your hair, wearing shorts and pants,shaving your legs, playing games you can watch t.v. and listen to some music, they do not refrain from certain foods so you get to enjoy any food that you wish, You could be in a stricter religion.

[bushg]

Lol.. yes fr they do and birthday gifts.. but music and t.v. everyday versus gifts twice a year... forget the gifts.

You know how some of those southern religions can be where you aren't allowed to breath without sinning.

[littlelostgirl]

I understand what you're saying bushg and you're right it could be much worse. Believe me I understand that. Also I understand and respect what altenweg and fr_chuck are saying about the fact that 14 year olds shouldn't be sexual. And I don't know how you grew up or what experiences you have had. But the pressure to conform and to be sexual and to either experiment or decide what sexual preference you are is unbelievably strong. It's pressed upon kids and teenagers every day. So you have to understand that it's very hard to not be sexual. I will say that I have succeeded for the most part at doing so however. But I have had two relationships with girls my age and I had told them that I loved them and looking back I think I really did. I still do just not in the same way.

I'd also like to add the fact that because of the religion that my parents are in I didn't and don't have many friends that I can talk to and just hang out with. So because of that lack of friendship I made a friend several years ago. His name is seth. I guess for lack of a better term he's my imaginary friend. (a friend from school that I haven't seen since school used to call him my muse but I'm not sure if that's the correct term for him) anyway I used to think that I'd grow out of him seeing as how I first started seeing him when I was in 2nd grade. But he's stayed with me over the years. And I talk to him regularly and he's always is there. In fact right now he's sitting next to me in our recliner. But because of him I fear for my sanity. And I have told my parents about him and that I would like therapy or some form of help. But they refuse to put me in therapy. Even though there is no law against it in their religion.

[Wondergirl]

Why not positive-spin this? Learn all you can about being a JW. While you are studying it, learn about other religions too--compare and contrast them with JW. That kind of study will give you self-discipline and a wealth of information about Christianity and non-Christian religions. Use your school and public libraries as resources. When you are older and away from your parents' influence, you will be much better armed to begin making your own decisions. And with all that knowledge of JW and religion in general under your belt, you will be in a perfect position to mentor someone else who may be struggling over questions about religion.

[littlelostgirl]

My parents won't let me learn about other religions though so I would have to do it behind their back. Not that I'm not okay with that or that I'm capable of doing that. It's just I have way too much that I'm already hiding. And I really do want to learn about other religions I really do.

[Alty]

You have internet access, so do some research. There's nothing wrong with questioning others beliefs, or researching to see what works for you. Everyone needs to find their own path in life. Questions are a good thing, it's up to you to find the answers.

[Galveston1]

About the sexuality part. Whether boy or girl, a 14 year old DOSEN'T KNOW whether they are straight, gay or whatever. At that age, all children are more comfortable with others of the same sex, and doesn't indicate anything UNLESS some adult gets into the act.
Just don't give up on Jesus. He will lead you right if you let Him.

[Rockstar714]

Littlelostgirl:

There is a book put out by the society that talks about the other religions, see if its in the hall's library, its one of the 192 page books, and I think its orange. The title has something to with man and God, but I can't remember the name off the top of my head right now. Anyway, that talks about all the different religions in the world and what they believe and so on. I'm sure they wouldn't mind you reading that book.

As far as not wanting to be a witness, well, I guess that's your choice. I've grown up with a lot of kids at that age that just decided it wasn't for them. You are still REALLY young though. The whole bi thing and having a boyfriend and being sexual, regardless of your religion it shouldn't be something that a 14 year old has to deal with. There will probably be other boyfriends, you're only 14, so when you say you're in love, I guess I just know from experience that "love" at that age rarely lasts.

[Choux]

Use this time until you can go to college as a time to make yourself stronger physically and socially. Forget about religion and just be a passive go-along to get-along. Don't make waves with your parents about religion; that scares them... just block it out.

Find a way to participate in tennis, cycling, you can speed walk if you don't have any money. You can make friends through your sports participation and learn how regular people relate to each other, not how people in a cult-like atmosphere relate. Talk to a physical education teacher about getting into track or some other physical activity and follow through.

Build one skill upon another over four years... make sure you get good grades in school.

There is not going to be any future in a boyfriend... your future depends on you making yourself a stronger and stronger girl with many skills.

At 16, you can get a part time job; that will be a terrific experience for you. Something to really look forward to. :)

You may want to make a nature study scrap book with all kinds of things you find in the real world... leaves, feathers... make sketches of birds and other beautiful creatures... this book will represent your desire to live in reality.

You can make it.

[margog85]

I love Choux's suggestion about making a nature scrapbook- if I were you, littlelostgirl, I'd take his advice on that...

In regard to your post... I can really understand how you're feeling. I was about your age when I started questioning my parents religion, trying to figure things out on my own as far as what I believed and didn't believe, questioning my sexuality, feeling trapped in a life that I didn't have any control over...

At 14, though, there's really not much you can do about it except, like everyone else said... just go along with what your parents say with an open mind, learn things on your own, and work on strengthening who you are as a person. At this point in your life, there's no sense in fighting your parents over it- if your parents are anything like mine, and it sounds like they are, you won't win. To really break out on your own, and avoid unnecessary conflict along the way, wait until your 17 or 18, whatever is the age where your parents are no longer able to FORCE anything upon you.

The best thing you can do is arm yourself with knowledge over the next few years. That's what I did. Read about religions, about anything that you question- even though people will tell you that you're too young to know things (which is, in a way, true... you still have a lot of learning to do) you're at the perfect age to start questioning things and figuring out life for yourself based on what YOU want and what YOU believe.

Don't stress too much about it now. I know it's hard to see too far into the future at this point, but things do get better. You don't always need your parents approval, and once your of legal age, you can live your life as you please. They will have a hard time accepting it, which won't be easy, and it may take years... I'm still waiting on mine to come around... but I believe that eventually they will. And if they don't, that's fine too. You will eventually have the opportunity to take responsibility for your own life, and no one else can tell you how to live it 'right' except for you. Even though you can't do it now, which I know is frustrating, this phase in your life won't last forever. Just approach everything with an open mind, learn as much as you can, and look forward to when you can finally break out on your own and live by the ideals you develop over the next few years.

Good luck!

[Tj3]

Here is a chart which compares Christian beliefs with Jehovah's Witness beliefs.

http://www.geocities.com/smithtj.geo/jwchart.pdf

[KalFour]

Sounds like a difficult position to be in.
As has previously been said, you're really stuck with your parents until you're legally an adult (although you can move out at 16 or 17 in some places, it depends where you live).

Teen years are a turning point in most people's lives. You're discovering yourself. You're questioning everything around you. You're learning to be an adult. It's always complicated and there are always too many influences around to keep up with.
Your parents are trying to share their faith with you, not because they want to ruin your life but because they believe in it and want what's best for you. If you're not enjoying it, let them be aware of the issues you're having, but try not to completely disregard something that obviously matters a great deal to them.

Try to be open about your feelings. Try to let them know when you're having doubts and questioning what's going on around you. And look into other beliefs. I know that JWs aren't supposed to, but it can be as innocent as history classes really.

Try to find what's right for you, but be patient with your parents in the meantime. Don't flaunt your differences but don't try to hide them either. There'll be plenty of time for you to make those big life choices... in the meantime, be patient and take care.

Kal

[littlelostgirl]

Thank you all for the help. I really appreciate it. I will definitely use it. Oh and thank you tj3 that chart helped a lot.

[Irulan]

This response seems way overdone... this was not what she asked for or needed... she asked for advice on how to cope with her problems not a religious comparison.


All answers which expound patience are rational and given with thought.

As long a teen lives with the parents it is the parents prerogative to choose for them... whether it is religion or chores or anything else that affects the members of the family... whether teens agree or not, however, nothing lasts forever and the time will come when self made choices will prevail.

It is a well known fact that teens will expriment with sex... peer pressure will force them to do so one way or another... do the best that you can in your choices remembering that choices have consequences.

Here is a chart which compares Christian beliefs with Jehovah's Witness beliefs.

http://www.geocities.com/smithtj.geo/jwchart.pdf