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    TheBugsLife's Avatar
    TheBugsLife Posts: 28, Reputation: 2
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    #1

    Jul 7, 2008, 03:36 PM
    Wife swap ?
    Well my fiancés best friend at first jokingly asked me if we could set up a wife swap ! Then it turned into a real question... him and his wife married at 19 yrs old ( she got pregnant ) neither one of them have been with anyone else . My fiancé has never had meaningless sex before . So I brought the subject up to him , he said " thats sounds ok i guess " and he is sticking to it that he's OK with it and the other couple are all excited about this... should I be worried about anyone getting feelings or the friendship getting messed up ?
    ISneezeFunny's Avatar
    ISneezeFunny Posts: 4,175, Reputation: 821
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    #2

    Jul 7, 2008, 03:44 PM
    This could either turn out really great for the both couples... or disastrous for all of you. Some couples believe swinging or wife swapping does wonders for their relationship as it strengthens their trust and also brings the two of them closer than ever... but if every party involved isn't 100% OK with this, it's a very slipper slope.

    A sliver of jealousy can lead to a huge problem, so unless EVERYONE involved is ABSOLUTELY OK with this, then stay away.
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,298, Reputation: 5646
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    #3

    Jul 7, 2008, 03:53 PM
    It sounds to me as though you may not feel entirely comfortable with this. If you are not, pull out the stops and don't go through with it. As Sneezy mentioned, it can either be wonderful or disastrous.

    You have to be 100% comfortable with your relationship and have no trust issues whatsoever, even then it is not a given that things will work as everyone expects it to.
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
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    #4

    Jul 7, 2008, 04:02 PM
    Yeah I wouldn't. Your husband sounds like he may be just going along with the idea because he THINKS it is what you want. Have a serious what if discussion with him that covers ALL bases and see if he feels you would still have a strong relationship and if he still really wants to go through with it. Neither of you should do something like that just to please the other and you should consider ALL consequences before you even think about it
    plonak's Avatar
    plonak Posts: 742, Reputation: 117
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    #5

    Jul 7, 2008, 04:12 PM
    I don't think you should tread in these waters.. could potentially kill the relaitonship.. especially since you're not married yet.. why bring in new tensions right before you get married.. I think that a couple should be interested in only each other.. that's my opinion anyway
    jillianleab's Avatar
    jillianleab Posts: 1,194, Reputation: 279
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    #6

    Jul 7, 2008, 04:47 PM
    So your fiance's best friend - a guy - mentioned to you - a girl - that you should "wife swap" - meaning HE gets to have sex with YOU - and he's never been with another woman? Sounds to me like your future hubby's buddy just wants to boff you.

    Some couples can do the multiple partner thing, but it can be tricky. Jealousy can rear it's head AFTER the encounter, not to mention anger. All parties might think they are OK with it, but sometimes people lie to themselves. I'm not saying you or anyone else involved is, but if there is a question in your mind if this is a good idea (which, since you are here, there is), it's probably not.
    TheBugsLife's Avatar
    TheBugsLife Posts: 28, Reputation: 2
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    #7

    Jul 7, 2008, 05:30 PM
    I do not have a problem with this.. with out making myself sound bad I have had the meaningless sex things but no one else has between the 3 of them have I don't want it to be an issue for them but I guess now that I have thought out load to you guys and read your answers I figured if I am second quessing and questioning it maybe its not such a good idea... until EVERYONE is ready
    Thanks Bug
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #8

    Jul 7, 2008, 05:55 PM
    The trouble with most is that it ends up not being meaningless sex, esp if you are swaping with the same couple ** not that I believe in it at all.

    But for those that have no respect for their spouse, and want meaningless sex, a larger group of partners, where you are not always swaping with the same couple. Example group men put car keys in hat, women pick them out and that is who they go with, so there is no choicing.

    But in dozens of couples who got into this, I have never known any that it did not lead to seroius issues and/or divorce
    Choux's Avatar
    Choux Posts: 3,047, Reputation: 376
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    #9

    Jul 8, 2008, 04:11 PM
    In my opinion, Wife Swapping is for older married couples; I sense that you and your friends are too young to be able to handle all the emotional machinations that will result from this kind of sexual activity... like you're just doing this out of boredom. That is a terrible reason to wife swap! I think you guys are too immature for this. Am I right??
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,492, Reputation: 2853
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    #10

    Jul 9, 2008, 06:08 AM
    The odds of this working are far less than the chances of disaster for either or both of you. Even among people that really want to do this, and by that I mean ALL parties being equally enthusiastic sometimes ends up being the seed of the destruction of their relationship.

    You won't know which is the case until its too late. Is it worth the risk?
    kp2171's Avatar
    kp2171 Posts: 5,318, Reputation: 1612
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    #11

    Jul 9, 2008, 01:31 PM
    I don't think your guy is OK with it (at least with the you-with-the-guy part) and I wouldn't suggest you do this.

    Not being judgemental here, as what people do in their bedrooms is their own business within reasonable and legal boundaries... but all I think this has done is it has shown your fiancée that you are willing to engage in meaningless sex outside the relationship.

    Yes, you approached him and talked to him about it... but it still shows an approach to sex that might place doubt in his head. I'm all for being open and honest about sexual desires... it's the best way to find common ground... and also a way to reveal sexual incompatibilities. Not saying you and he aren't compatible... but you did make a move that seems to be out of his element, as his response to you wasn't "ive been dreaming about that myself" or "im glad you brought that up"...

    Unless this is something you intend to continue within a marriage, together, I don't see how this benefits anyone... other than the couple who asked and perhaps your willingness and curiousity.

    Lets face it, if you were not curious, you probably would have blown the guy off immediately.

    Time to talk to your partner about how you both see sex in the context of your relationship, now and in the future. What we think means nothing. Its what you think and your partner thinks that will make the relationship stronger or weaker.

    That said, unless he's lock in step with you, id say no go.

    And id be less worried about the friendship than the relationship.
    charlotte234s's Avatar
    charlotte234s Posts: 1,903, Reputation: 143
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    #12

    Jul 9, 2008, 11:20 PM
    I personally think this is a dangerous road to go down as it may blur lines of fidelity for the partners and could be bad, I would advise not to do this, but it's your life and your relationship..
    weasel7023's Avatar
    weasel7023 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #13

    Jul 10, 2008, 10:07 AM
    A thought always predeeds a question and since you brought up the topic to your fiancé, it appears (and I may very well be wrong) to me like you have thought about and do want to pursue this... it's almost seems like for person gain of some kind. What is your reason for wanting to do this?
    Regardless of your answer, I advise against it smply because you have had meaningless sex before and everyone else involved are newbies. Newbies do not play high stakes poker games well unless they've been integrated slowly for years.
    arturo1's Avatar
    arturo1 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #14

    Jul 12, 2008, 07:30 AM
    Go for it life is to short.
    confusedbyitall's Avatar
    confusedbyitall Posts: 48, Reputation: -2
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    #15

    Jul 14, 2008, 11:04 PM
    If you want to try it, why not suggest you start with a drink or two, some hanging out, flirting, and set some rules. If you are willing to go all the way, you think, why not start with flirting and kissing. No hands below the waist. Make out for a half hour then that's it.

    Next time the same, but same room sex with your own partners.

    Take it slowly. You have time. And at that, from posts I've seen on this, once the guy cums, and he sees his lady still going at it, especially if it's a while and he isn't going again, he is too jealous. It's probably related to that whole thing of guys then wanting to leave, not cuddling, etc.

    Be sure, set rules, take it slowly. What's the rush?
    fiend101's Avatar
    fiend101 Posts: 234, Reputation: 56
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    #16

    Aug 6, 2008, 07:34 PM
    I would agree to go ahead with it. I'm not an expert on relationships, but I've known several people to have this problem. They got married to their hs sweethearts, never had other experiences, and someone was cheated on. I have seen this too many times. If all parties are willing, it might get rid of the curiosity. As long as it's in the open, what's the problem?
    Ash123's Avatar
    Ash123 Posts: 1,793, Reputation: 305
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    #17

    Aug 6, 2008, 08:11 PM
    You haven't even gotten married yet and are already ready to sleep with other people??

    The bigger question is should you even be getting married?


    Are you 100% sure you want to marry this guy?

    If so, I'd suggest the Bunny Ranch in Nevada before I'd suggest having your friend pinch-hit for you.

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