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DJ 'H' · Mar 27, 2006, 12:53 AM

Well Petes birthday was hit and we had a great weeend until Saturday night. We got into this club and in a split second he went from being the Happy Pete that I know and Love to very angry and would not talk to me, his mates or his brothers. All of us are completely baffled as nothing happened to make him get so angry. He slept with his back to e Saturday night and got up Sunday and left for 2hrs. He came back to take me and his two mates home (as we were away at the coast) and di not talk the hole way home. We got home and he sat in his car until I had got out with all my stuff. He then went in to his house closed the curtains and no one has heard from him since.

I am so confused and hurt right now and I really don't know what to do?

His mates said he has never been like this before.

I have not contacted him because I have done nothing to him to deserve such treatment and I did so much this weekend to ensure his birthday was a huge success. The only thing I am guilty of is loving him.

I am leaving him alone until Wednesday since the ball in his court, if he has not been in touch then, then I am going to take control and tell him that the way he treating me is not acceptable and that he wants to work thing out then he better had talk to me and explain the situation. Then I will leave him until Friday and if he has not contacted me by then - then I will tell him its over.

I am not putting myself through this again and I am not letting him walk all over me just like other men have done in the past. I have learnt my lesson and right now I am putting myself first.

I just don't understand why he is doing this to me?

Krs · Mar 27, 2006, 01:43 AM

Hey, that's very strange! I don't know pete but from what you said about him he seems like a very nice genuine man. Have you still not spoken to him? To be honest I think I couldn't wait myself till wed to contact him, I would do it rather soon than later. The problem is him not you as I understand he hasn't spoken to no one not just you.

DJ 'H' · Mar 27, 2006, 03:13 AM

He has just this minute text me and told me that If I am not busy later to pop round to his and he will explain why he has been such a . I have not yet text him back. He made me worry, so I am going to leave it for a while and let him worry. I will text him back later.

He has got to learn he cannot treat me like this, otherwise he will just do again and again.

Krs · Mar 27, 2006, 03:53 AM

Something there must be. Its strange how men act sometimes. At least he texted you and as you said let him dwell abit before you text him then wait and see till this evening.

DJ 'H' · Mar 27, 2006, 04:20 AM

OK, so I left it nearly 2hrs. Have text him back. Short & brief. It read "I am not doing anything tonight so I will speak to you later".

I am not going to contact him until I see him later. His explanation better be a good one!

Krs · Mar 27, 2006, 05:02 AM

Im sure it will, keep strong xxxx

DJ 'H' · Mar 27, 2006, 05:04 AM

Thanks KRS - I am just so upset, angry & confused right now!! He was bang out of order this weekend.

fredg · Mar 27, 2006, 05:07 AM

Hi, DJ,
Since Pete is acting this way toward everyone, not just you, something is wrong; and I'll bet it isn't you.
Love is trusting each other. If you trust him, give him a chance, and don't be mad at him. The past is gone, and this doesn't mean something that has happened in the past is going to happen again!
Give him some time to explain what's happening. He could have gotten some really bad news that he isn't ready to share with anyone yet.
I do wish you the best, and hang in there. Don't "judge" him until he tells you what's up.

Krs · Mar 27, 2006, 05:11 AM

You're welcome, and I totally understand the way you are feeling and emotions you have, id be exactly d same, but as fredg said and so did I, its not only with you that he acted all funny its with everyone that was there. So for sure something is up but give him a chance to explain himself this evening :) xx

DJ 'H' · Mar 27, 2006, 05:12 AM

But he was fine all day Saturday and all evening. He changed into this angry man that would not speak to anyone with a split second!! I am giving Pete the benefit of the doubt and I know what your saying is bang on Fredge. I just don't understand why he has put me through all of this when all he had to do was say "Everything will be fine, I just need some space" - not just ignore me and avoid me. That hurt!!

Krs · Mar 27, 2006, 05:53 AM

Is this the first time he acted so weirdly?

DJ 'H' · Mar 27, 2006, 05:57 AM

Yes KRS. But it's his first time ever according to his friends & family - the first time he has ever ignored anyone!

Krs · Mar 27, 2006, 06:02 AM

Mmm strange, don't jump ahead of yourself till this evening, and make sure that you tell him his actions HURT you OK. Xx

DJ 'H' · Mar 27, 2006, 06:15 AM

Oh I am going to. I can see me bursting into tears over the whole thing. I spoke to one of his mates who has been great over this and he said "This will be a turning point for the both of you and if anything it will bring you closer and make your relationship stronger" - this made a lot of sense to me and one can only hope!

s_cianci · Mar 27, 2006, 07:26 PM

I think you're handling the situation exactly right. I can't begin to guess as to what led to Pete's bizarre behavior. How much of his medical history are you and his friends familiar with? It is possible that he is bipolar or suffers from a similar illness due to chemical imbalances. He may need to be on a regimen of antidepressant medication in order to maintain a proper chemical balance and keep his mood swings in check. You mention that his friends had never observed this kind of behavior in him before. Is it possible that he had been on some type of medication, perhaps with no one's knowledge, but then stopped taking it for some reason? I can't say for sure that this is what's happening but that's what it sounds like at first glance.

DJ 'H' · Mar 28, 2006, 01:06 AM

Well I went to see Pete last night and to be honest he found it really hard to explain his behaviour. He was able to tell me what was bothering him, but he could not explain why he reacted the way he did. He said he was so overwelmed by everything that I and his friends had done for him and his birthday over the weekend, he just felt that he did not deserve it. I am guessing that nonoe has ever gone to so much trouble for him and his mates did tell me that he used to lack confidence - so it all started to make sense. He did not know how to deal with so much love and so much attention and shut the world out to process his thoughts. He knows he should not have treated his mates so badly and he knows that his actions have really hurt me, but he is genuinely sorry. He was so upset last night, and he had tears strolling down his face and everything.

I did my best to let him know that I really do Love him and that he can always talk to me about anything. I told him that if he can't ever tell me what the problem is at first and needs space that's fine, but he has to communicate to me what he wants me to do? And also reassure me that I am not at fault.

We have learnt a great deal about each other in the last couple of days.

After we had sorted everything out we just couldn't stop hugging or kissing - anyone watching would have though we had not seen each other in months. So everything is cool.

Thanks so much for listening in a time of crisis - its always better for me to get things off my chest than let them fester. Thanks so much for all of your help!

Krs · Mar 28, 2006, 01:24 AM

Ohh I'm so glad it all went well for you. Xxx

DJ 'H' · Mar 28, 2006, 02:26 AM

Thanks KRS - I am sooo thankful that it wasn't me or anything I did. He is the best thing that's ever happened to me.

jc105 · Mar 30, 2006, 02:58 PM

I can try to let you in on what he is thinking...

Not sure if I am right but I have had that same feeling. Pure hatred toward every moving, breathing creature.

First if he was drinking at all and had a long day that will only make the feelings I will explain 10 times worse.

Sometimes when I was with my ex, all of a sudden I would see something, or hear someone say something that has nothing to do with how I reacted. Even if it was said with the best intentions I could twist it in my mind to make that person out to be the worst. Trust me, I've personally exploded over nothing. He may not be the yelling and hitting things type so he may take that anger inward.

But it feels like...

Your whole body is 150 degrees, and all you can think about is hatred. You 'see red'. It was only my fault every time that it happened, even if it was warranted. I wouldn't take it personally especially since so many other people felt his rath. Trust me that those feelings he had are only temporary and although he may feel like that again... DO NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY. Its hard to do but trust me, he may not be able to stop the feelings, it happens.

Good to hear you guys worked through it, and I garuntee if you had confronted him it may have been even worse.

Good show!

DJ 'H' · Mar 31, 2006, 02:05 AM

Originally Posted by jc105

I can try to let you in on what he is thinking...

Not sure if I am right but i have had that same feeling. Pure hatred toward every moving, breathing creature.

First if he was drinking at all and had a long day that will only make the feelings I will explain 10 times worse.

Sometimes when I was with my ex, all of a sudden I would see something, or hear someone say something that has nothing to do with how I reacted. Even if it was said with the best intentions I could twist it in my mind to make that person out to be the worst. Trust me, I've personally exploded over nothing. He may not be the yelling and hitting things type so he may take that anger inward.

But it feels like....

Your whole body is 150 degrees, and all you can think about is hatred. You 'see red'. It was only my fault everytime that it happened, even if it was warranted. i wouldn't take it personally especially since so many other people felt his rath. Trust me that those feelings he had are only temporary and although he may feel like that again... DO NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY. Its hard to do but trust me, he may not be able to stop the feelings, it happens.

Good to hear you guys worked through it, and I garuntee if you had confronted him it may have been even worse.

Good show!

I know confrontation makes thing worse. It was obvious to me he wanted space and to be on his own - that's why I just did not even talk to him or confront him about things. Pushing someone is not a good thing to do and he now knows that ignoring me is the most hurtful thing you can ever do to someone.

I knew exactly what I had to do. I gave him his space. I did not contact him. I went out in my car - talked with friends to get off my chest how I was feeling. Kpet myself out of the house (as he lives next door - I would have gone mad) and kept my brain occupied.

I came up with a plan, just in case things back fired - decided if he had not been in touch by Monday night then being next door was not going to help either of us, so my plan was to stay at my nans. If he had not contacted me by Wednesday I was going to take control.

He contacted me Monday morning so I knew then things were going to be OK and even though I was upset and angry, I knew I had to get it out of my system before I got home o that we could talk things through and understand each other.

If anything we have become so much closer and in reality I still don't understand, but the important thing is not understanding, but knowing that he is sorry and that are relationship is so strong that we can get through anything.