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Sonador101 · Jul 5, 2008, 09:50 PM

My grandma and my granpa both left to NY after my dad went to prison. I don't like that she moved but I understand on some level why. (she's my dads mom)
She cut all ties with us, didn't contact us, never even sent us birthday cards. Her and my dad had a fight a few weeks ago but I don't know what about. Well the thing is last week she sent my sistera pakage, I suspose trying to open some line of comunincation. (my sister is moved out) well I am angry at her for deserting us when we probably needed her most, but I want to contact her, the only thing is I don't know what to say, do I write a ranting letter and letter apolagizing I really can't think of anythng to say, I don't want to suger coat my anger but I don't want to be antaginizing. Help! I really don't know what to do

sweet jane · Jul 5, 2008, 10:03 PM

If you want a relationship, you will need to politely contact her. Don't attack her... simply say, "I've missed having you in my life and I have missed having you when I needed you most, but I truly want to start again with you if you want to have a relationship with me". You need to address it, but you don't need to attack her. See what she has to say. She should explain herself... not for moving, but for no contact with you for 6 years. If she won't bring it up, you will have to decide if bringing it up to her is something you are willing to do... it may make her recognize your pain or it may push her away again. Just don't be mean about it... use 'I feel' words and don't be accusatory. She had her reasons. While they may not be justifiable to you, they were justifiable in her mind at the time. Good luck!

Sonador101 · Jul 6, 2008, 10:20 AM

Thank you, I will try that.

0rphan · Jul 16, 2008, 02:25 PM

Hi sonador

I'm sure they've missed you, sometimes as time goes by it seems more and more difficult to make amends, one waits for the other and vice versa.

If they don't live far away why don't you just go round and knock the door, I'm sure they will be glad to see you.

If you feel that's a no no, then maybe a letter at first inviting them round for tea or a chat, what ever you feel you can cope with at first.

Maybe your letter should say something like: how are you, we think of you often, it's ages since we've seen you, can you come round to dinner and we can all catch up,would you mind if we came to see you it's been ages.

I know you'd really rather let rip.. but lifes to short, they must be getting on in years, so don't, you may scare them off for good .

Good luck

JudyKayTee · Jul 16, 2008, 02:40 PM

Originally Posted by 0rphan

Hi sonador

I'm sure they've missed you, sometimes as time goes by it seems more and more difficult to make amends, one waits for the other and vice versa.

If they don't live far away why don't you just go round and knock the door, i'm sure they will be glad to see you.

If you feel thats a no no, then maybe a letter at first inviting them round for tea or a chat, what ever you feel you can cope with at first.

Maybe your letter should say something like: how are you, we think of you often, it's ages since we've seen you, can you come round to dinner and we can all catch up,would you mind if we came to see you it's been ages.

I know you'd really rather let rip.. but lifes to short, they must be getting on in years, so don't, you may scare them off for good .

Good luck

I think he said they moved from Nevada to NY -
How old is the OP?

J_9 · Jul 16, 2008, 03:12 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

How old is the OP?

The OP is 13 years old. I believe this explains some of the anger issues.

irishwoman · Jul 16, 2008, 03:46 PM

Well, I think you should not be antagonizing OR sugar coat your anger. Just be polite to your grandma and explain your anger.

irishwoman ;)

bushg · Jul 16, 2008, 04:11 PM

Sonador... don't take their abandonment personally sometimes adults feel like they are doing the child a favor by staying away and cutting out any forms of contact.
If you had a good relationship with them and would like to start it again then by all means write them a letter (a nice one). You can write the nasty letter, but my suggestion would be for you to keep it in a safe place or rip it to shreds and throw it away. It is OK to get it off your chest. Anger is often hurt turned inside out... a lot of times it is easier to show anger than it is to show hurt.