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thatguy2007 · Jul 4, 2008, 04:36 PM

Hoping I can get some advice, I've been dating my girlfriend for almost a year now, and every other aspect of our relationship is dead on, we click almost on every level. That being said, there is one aspect of our relationship we don't have, a sex life. We have no intimacy at all beyond kissing and cuddling. We are both in our 20's, and she herself is still a virgin. I have been talking to her about this, though I haven't been pressuring her, but I can only wait so long before I know I myself am not going to care anymore and that will be the end of us, but I don't want that. When we talk about having sex, she doesn't seem to know the reason as to why she doesn't want it herself. I am not sure if its just her being a virgin she's scared, or if there simply is no sex drive (limbido) there. A few times when we have been making out I've tried to innocently see if I could advance a little, and all that happens is she moves my hands away and says no. I've been sitting on the side lines for almost a year now hoping she'd get more comfortable and curious and want to engage in sex, but that doesn't seem to be working, is there anything I can do to help our relationship develop a healthy sex life?:confused:

talaniman · Jul 4, 2008, 06:15 PM

How old are you both, and obviously you don't live together, so why should she give in to you if the relationship is so perfect? Admit it, your only in it for the sex. If you cared, you would respect her virginity, and be a man about it. Save this female your false love, and get someone who will give you what you want. It sure ain't love.

is there anything I can do to help our relationship develop a healthy sex life?:confused:

She isn't ready, so no!

Choux · Jul 4, 2008, 06:28 PM

Seems like a walk down the aisle will do the trick!

charlotte234s · Jul 4, 2008, 09:07 PM

She doesn't want to have sex right now, have you asked her if she is saving herself for marriage?

thatguy2007 · Jul 4, 2008, 09:17 PM

Originally Posted by charlotte234s

She doesn't want to have sex right now, have you asked her if she is saving herself for marriage?

She has told me she is not, she doesn't want to wait until marriage. Probably should have said that in my original post.

PrincessChu-chi1312 · Jul 4, 2008, 09:30 PM

I think you should just give her time. Sooner or later shell be curiuse to have sex.

usmcphantom0186 · Jul 5, 2008, 09:26 AM

Some girls just don't want to maybe there is a reason behind it maybe she was raped! And is scared

talaniman · Jul 5, 2008, 10:25 AM

but I can only wait so long before I know I myself am not going to care anymore and that will be the end of us, but I don't want that.

Maybe she thinks that's all you want, and once you get it your going to leave any way. After reading the above, maybe you should just move on, and spare her your selfish, non-respecting ways, in the first place.

A girl does want the first time to be special, with someone special.

You never did answer the age question.

thatguy2007 · Jul 5, 2008, 11:00 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Maybe she thinks thats all you want, and once you get it your going to leave any way. After reading the above, maybe you should just move on, and spare her your selfish, non-respecting ways, in the first place.

A girl does want the first time to be special, with someone special.

You never did answer the age question.

I just don't understand when men ask advice about wanting more from a relationship, we are deemed pigs, though I am sure if I was female you wouldn't be so quick to call me scum of the earth. I listed in my first post, we are both in our twenties if it makes any difference our exact age, I am 25 and she's 23.

talaniman · Jul 5, 2008, 11:32 AM

Do you live together, or apart?? Parents or room mates??

Pig is your word, not mine. And yes, info is needed for a better picture. Specific info. Its quite possible she doesn't see this as a long term relationship, or you as a long term partner. Don't be so sensitive, as I clearly stated what made me think your selfish, and if I'm wrong you have my apologies. Doesn't matter male or female, I just give my honest opinion for you to think about, or discard.

Choux · Jul 5, 2008, 12:04 PM

She's too old to be maintaining her virginity. She runs the *risk* of being a sexually dysfunctional or whatever.

Get her an expensive gift and take her on a great weekend getaway. A place where you can go hiking, or play tennis, go sailing on a lake... just show her a good time.

Since you are going to be sleeping in the same bed, have a rose and a condom ready for her pillow... the stage is set... (or whatever seduction you want to use). Remember, if she really is a virgin, it's going to hurt her most likely... perhaps, she should have pne delicious drink, with alcohol, to cut the pain?

talaniman · Jul 5, 2008, 06:57 PM

She's too old to be maintaining her virginity. She runs the *risk* of being a sexually dysfunctional or whatever.

Your not serious just because she doesn't want to give him any, are you?

Choux · Jul 5, 2008, 09:52 PM

I'm serious... she is 23... time to experiment with sex or *risk* becoming dysfunctional.
The situation isn't going to get any better than this guy; she cares for him, and he is considerate of her. Time to grow up.

talaniman · Jul 5, 2008, 10:28 PM

Originally Posted by Choux

I'm serious...she is 23....time to experiment with sex or *risk* becoming dysfunctional.
The situation isn't going to get any better than this guy; she cares for him, and he is considerate of her. Time to grow up.

I will disagree on so many fronts. 23 year old virgins may not be the in thing, but she is free to be celibate, if she chooses, or the right guy comes along, and to think this is the only chance that she will ever have is NUTSY BOZO!! We all know she can kick this guy to the curb, and get someone else before you can blink, so why should she be in a hurry to do something just to do it?? Could she be taking her time, and finding out about her partner of a year? That's what I think is going on. She may be thinking further ahead, and is more prudent than this guy wants. He is already ready to quit, because he can't get what he wants, so maybe she is waiting for the one who wants more than just some physical relationship.

How many have we seen on this forum, who have mistaken sex, for love, and when it fizzled they were confused??

talaniman · Jul 7, 2008, 05:45 AM

Duh! She had been dating him for a **YEAR**... she really likes him. Time for her to grow up.

That's what he says, but that doesn't equate to sex, or anything else physical. Sex is not a given here, just because its been a year. Not ready is not ready.

prettybaby00 · Jul 7, 2008, 07:02 AM

I think the comments on here are quite harsh, a lad in his twentys lasting a year with a girl he wants to shag the brains out of is doing well. It shows patience and love to stick with her. I mean by all means do push her she will come round or ask her outright when she thinks she will be ready, sounds harsh but perhaps she's not as keen on you as you are on her, but give the poor lad some credit he must be ready for some good sex after a year. I gave into my boyrfriend after 2 months and at the time it was a mistake we had a break as I was not ready but I missed him we tried again and now both of us put the effort in concerning sex

Choux · Jul 7, 2008, 07:23 AM

Talisman,

They are not kids, they are **adults** in their twenties.

You and the girl need to grow up! :)

She wants to be a virgin, she can move on.

talaniman · Jul 7, 2008, 07:52 AM

She wants to be a virgin, she can move on.

Or he can move on himself, if it's that big a deal. As a mature man, I develop the love and trust, and when she is ready it will happen. Not everyone has that "gotta have it now mentality". If she means more than just a romp in the hay.

He doesn't even know what the problem is, so where is the communications??

talaniman · Jul 7, 2008, 08:00 AM

Originally Posted by prettybaby00

i think the comments on here are quite harsh, a lad in his twentys lasting a year with a girl he wants to shag the brains out of is doing well. it shows patience and love to stick with her. i mean by all means do push her she will come round or ask her outright when she thinks she will be ready, sounds harsh but perhaps shes not as keen on you as you are on her, but give the poor lad some credit he must be ready for some good sex after a year. i gave into my boyrfriend after 2 months and at the time it was a mistake we had a break as i was not ready but i missed him we tried again and now both of us put the effort in concerning sex

I can agree with you, as you did admit it was a mistake at first and maybe his g/f doesn't want that same mistake, but not to be personal, were you a virgin, at the time?

You go a lot slower if you're a man who is dating a virgin, at least that's what I always thought.

Maybe that's the whole problem, he never had a virgin before!! :eek:

Choux · Jul 7, 2008, 08:03 AM

All we have is a different opinion of this post... and you attacked me, dude. So, as I said, grow up... they are adults.

I always oppose sex and oral between teenagers.

I think you should apologize for the red box.

Rememer: DATING FOR A **YEAR**!