[baldmotorcycle]

I have been dating this girl now for about 2 years. To be honest, it has been the longest relationship I have ever had. And I could really see us being together for a long time. We have so much in common, and we got along great as friends at first. And we moved on to be in a relationship together.

About a week ago, she tells me a few things. First, she told me while I was over in the desert that she gave up on us. Secondly, she got mad at me for giving another girl a hug when I got. Third, she got mad at me for having porn in my carry on baggage when I got home. Fourth, she wanted to go and visit her family in another state, and be by herself when she did it.

I really didn't mind the fact that she wanted to go and visit her family in another state. I knew she hasn't seen them for awhile, and they haven't seen or heard about me for awhile.

She knew I wanted to go out that Friday night. Because of it being St. Pattricks Day and all. And haven't celebrated it for the past 3 years, I wanted to go and celebrate it, with her. But she was going out of town, and I wanted to go and do that with her. I told her I was not going to go with out her. But she told me to go and have a good time. I needed to and it was okay. After her and I going over me not going, and her telling me to. I finally said I would.

I went down with some guys from work, which I thought was a good idea. And we started to drink. It was the first time I drank in over 6 months, so I am a lite weight now days. And I got drunk, and separated from the guys from work. So I set out to find them. After an hour of looking for them, I went back to the vehicles to wait for them.

When I got back to the vehicles , I only found my truck setting there. So, I got in the back of the truck, and passed out. I got up the next morning, early, and drove home. I knew the night prior, I was in no shape to drive home. And I didn't have the money for a hotel room. So I passed out in the back seat of the truck.

While I was driving home the next morning. She calls me on my cell phone, and hangs up on me. She didn't say one word to me, just hung up. So I called her back to see what was going on. And she started giving me the third degree. And hung up on me again.

She told me not to call her or come by her house ever again. And I being the man I am, honored her wishes. I haven't called her, or seen her in a week. She called me today telling me about her first husband being in trouble with the law in her home town. And I asked her if I could see her sometime over this weekend. (I think I screwed up there.) And then she said she had to go.

I can't help but still have these feelings for her. And I think she still has them for me. I am totally lost right now, and could use some advice. Can you help? What do I do?:confused:

[lilfyre]

Oh my god that is so sad, I feel so bad for you. You deserve so much better than that. I wish I really knew what to tell you. All I can say is to take things slowly, feel out the situation you find yourself in with her. If thing continue down the chaotic path they seem to be headed I would move on. I wish you all the luck in the world. You have already come so far and to come home to this is really sad. Stay safe, (O: Donna

[bizygurl]

Hmm... this girl seems a little too dramatic. Getting mad over you giving another girl a hug? Big deal. Im sure it was innocent especially if this was done right in front of her. How old is this girl? This is the type of stuff I use to get mad about in high school. I think telling someone that's its okay to go out and enjoy themselves with their friends and then turning around and getting pissed off is ridiculous. Sounds like she needs to grow up A LOt. She's playing games with you hun,, and she either needs to tell you how she really feels about a situation or not get mad at you when she tells you its okay if you go out with the guys. Your not a mind reader. Tell her to knock it off or your moving on. Life is too short to be wasted in such useless drama.

[fredg]

HI,
Let things ride for awhile. Don't bother her, and let her decide what she wants to do.
Relationships take time to build and two years is really just getting started good. Hopefully, it will continue. She does need some time to think about things. Hugging another girl should not be an issue with her; hugging someone is not having sex, it just shows friendship. If she has a problem with that, then it's something she needs to work out for herself. She is wrong with getting mad about it.
Give it some time, don't call her or communicate with her. Let her make the next move, if there is one. I do wish you the best, and good luck.

[Fr_Chuck]

Let me see, in the desert, so my I assume you were in the military or in some civilian job that you were away from a long period?

If so being apart can cause people to find others.

Giving another girl a hug, what type of hug, why did you hug her?

Pron, just stupid thing to do, is you really know this girl you are in love with you should have known her veiws or values about porn. Next if you had it where gone for a while ( and that is another entire issue) why bring it back with you.

Yes she had some pretty good reasons to be mad.

So now knowing she was mad, and knowing she had gone to think things over basically. Instead of staying home and behaving, you went out with buddies and got drunk. So drunk and so broke you slept it offf in the backseat.

What part of really stupid choice is that?

I would say that you need to decide where your values are and what importance this person is ( honestly it may just be too late to save it the relationship)

Unless you can understand what you were doing is wrong and want to correct your behavior then you will see it repeated over and over.

Looking back at your other relationships that did not last this long, is there any pattererns.

Add drinking and porn into any relationship and if they don't break, they should have

[talaniman]

Hey dude you had a cell phone and didn't call to let her know what the deal was? Bad move,but you've been away a long time and you need a little space to get your head together cause you ain't in the desert no more. Let your g/f cool off and get back to reality,you don't need her drama right now as I suspect you both have changed!:cool: :rolleyes:

[JoeCanada76]

Hello, You did nothing wrong. The girl sounds like nothing but trouble. I know it may be hard. She should not be giving you the third degree about being responsible. She does not even give you a chance to talk. Controlling as well. Better for you to stay away, just my opinion.

[Wildcat21]

I think you have answered your own question... move on. This gal is way too imature.

[s_cianci]

I can understand her being angry over the porn. The other issues, however, are inconsequential and not worth her getting upset over. I presume that you were or are in the military? Did you discuss the future of your relationship before you left to begin your tour of duty in the desert? After 2 years together it would be rather shocking if you hadn't. It's hard to say for sure what's going on here. It sounds like she still has feelings for you but is unsure of herself right now. I think the porn issue needs to be addressed. You should apologize and assure her that it won't happen again. Also make her realize that social options are a two-way street. It sounds like she doesn't like the idea of you going out drinking with your friends from work but it's perfectly OK for her to go visit her family in another state without you. She can't have it both ways ; if she's going to be all possessive of you and keep you on a short leash then she's got to be willing to play by the same rules. Stand your ground on this issue. Other than that and the porn issue, if you feel that you want this relationship to succeed then you may have to confront her directly and see where she stands and be prepared to call it quits if you can't get a firm commitment from her.