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nt45kcl · Jun 30, 2008, 04:11 PM

My boyfriend committed a marriage fraud with a female member in his spiritual group called *** group named edited out **FC**
He used our address (he lives w/ me for 10+ years) on his immigration document for him and his new bride. I received the mail from the USCIS to our address. Question: If I don't report him, am I liable for as 'willingly hiding the information' or 'as an association of the crime'? Thank you for any answer.

He left home for spiritual assignment and I am very sure about that. But the head person of this group asked him if he could help the girl for green card (only, not real marriage). I am very sure that it was not for the girl at that time (who knows after they made lots of contacts--but it is no more contact at this time). I am very sure this is a paper marriage; however he lied to me that he does not know where the girl lived and only made contact at the restaurant where she worked and at his computer studio (there were 50 people worked there all the time). But the bottom line was that he lied. How big of a lie or how white that lie was, is questionable.

I have been criticized. 'Why didn't you legalize w/ him? Why you live w/ a guy w/o marriage? And, why couldn't you walk out of that relationship?'. At the time I was very angry at this matter, I about to say good bye to this relationship, then I told myself I need to take action only when I am not angry.

The problem is that I cannot forgive him and also has many doubts. But I believe that I still have too much feelings for him. I take my time so I don't make me more miserable than I already am. Yes, I am stupid. So, swim in my pain if that what I chose...

Thanks for all the thoughts.

Fr_Chuck · Jun 30, 2008, 04:38 PM

Did you receive a letter, or did they receive a letter. And your boyfriend married someone else? Sorry that normally means EX boy friend , that getting married to someone else is normally a bummer for most.

But yes, you could become part of the crime, since you are aware of it, and allowing your address to be used.

nt45kcl · Jul 1, 2008, 01:21 AM

Thank you for your reply:
I agreed for my boyfriend to leave home and sign up a short term full time service for his spirtutal group and the plan was to return to our home with me. We never discussed or agreed on breaking up. He surprised me by entering a fraud marriage just to help out a female member of his spiritual group for a green card. So it is not a x-boyfriend or so. It looked like I am jealous because he left me. But he insisted it was only a paper. So he begged me not to get jealous, and promised me that when the lady gets the temporary green card, he will file a divorce...

The letters came to my address in her name's and my boy friend's name. Interestingly, to me, the letters only looked like advertisement or junk mail. I did not know what is 'Home Land Security'. And, as usual, I opened junk mail and discovered that he got married...

I am aware of the fraud. As you said, and also I thought I would be liable for not to report.

But reporting him is like to take him to a tiger cage... What should I do? I asked him to stop the process and he would not, even though I told him: "Your paper wife or real relationship with me, take one only." It is foolish to ruin a real relationship over a fake relationship. It takes one person to tear apart a relationship but it takes 2 to build one. It seems like I should see a counsilor...

lawanwadee · Jul 1, 2008, 07:48 AM

To obtain permanent resident status by getting married to US citizen is not an easy path as it sounds. USCIS requires many different kinds of proofs of relationship, and in most cases of "marriage for convenience", things fall apart in less than 2 years.

From what he did........... he is dumb and he does not love you the way you love him.
Wake Up!

nt45kcl · Jul 4, 2008, 01:57 PM

Thank you for your advice and I heard that as many times as I tell this story. It takes time to get in or get out relationship. He dropped the green card petition just before he had the letter of interviewing date.

Fr_Chuck · Jul 4, 2008, 02:40 PM

No it does not take more than one minute to get out of your relationship with your boyfriend, you call and tell him to never call or see you again for getting married to someone, Personally if this "group" is getting him to do this, I am not sure there is not issues with that group.

nt45kcl · Jul 4, 2008, 03:54 PM

My boyfriend and I know each other for 18 years and live together for 12 years without legal marriage paper. Last July, he wanted (and I agreed) to commit a serious commitment for a spiritual assigment that required him to live 80 miles away from our home for about 6 months in a similar monastary setting.
And the plan was that he will return to our home with me. Before he left home, we never discussed or agreed on breaking up.
After 6 WEEKS apart, he surprised me by entering a fraud marriage just to help out a female member of his spiritual group for a green card without asking me at all. The night before he went to the court to swear his marriage license, he came home to take his citizenship certificate. That night, I asked him 3 times, "What did you take from home today?" He insisted "I take things". I respected him and did not ask any further.
After I found out his marriage fraud, I questioned him how come he did not tell me about this, he told me that one day, when things are well wrapped and done, and when I am in good mood, he will tell me about it... And he insisted it was only a paper. So he begged me not to get jealous, and promised me that when the lady gets the temporary green card, he will file a divorce... I demanded him to get an immediate divorce, but his answer was NO. So I demended him to sign an open date divorce petition so I can trust him that he will get divorce after the conditional green card is (hopefully) granted. (I could have submitted it in but I let him make his own move. )
And when I told him either me, or your paper wife, 'I am fed up'; he agreed to file the divorce to stop that marriage fraud before the green card interview was scheduled.
During the green card petition process, even after I was aware of the fraud he did, he still did not tell me anything about his contact w/ this woman, i.e. email, phone, go out to the banks together, chatting on the internet...
I am very hurt. I have complained and scolded him every day 4 months and he patiently listened and say sorry. He takes care of me w/ more attention and more generous about money. (Well, it should be the normal way of a relationship.-- Before this, our relationship was like a extended friendship.) I suppose, if without his stupid action, our relationship is very normal now. But I feel bitter because I think he is sweet to me because he is making up for his fault (he is a church go-er !). I am waiting (stupid or not) to see if his love is real or not. I am 50's. I am afraid to get in a new relationship. And I am afraid to be alone. I am alert and watching out his actions, though.

nt45kcl · Jul 4, 2008, 04:19 PM

It seems only take one sentence to end a relationship "You move out, ." But after he is out then I will cry in my room lonely and bitter, and missing him and the other good time together... then the relationship is not ended, truly. I thought about that. I wish I could cut my feeling instantly. If I could, as soon as I got the immigration letter confirming what he did, I coud have thrown his stuff out of my house before he even opened his mouth to admit what he did...

About this spiritual group, there are similar story committed by this religious group on the web:
http:// marriagefraud.wordpress.com

N0help4u · Jul 4, 2008, 04:49 PM

So when he left was he actually going to this girls house or did he meet her after?
I think you have a lot more questions than the green card. Also the INS immigrations is good at picking up that a marriage is a fraud especially if they go for a divorce. I heard it is hard to get one when a green card is involved but I don't know how true that is.

I don't think I would trust him... too many holes in his story

talaniman · Jul 4, 2008, 06:07 PM

I am 50's. I am afraid to get in a new relationship. And I am afraid to be alone. I am alert and watching out his actions, though.

Your fears will be your undoing seriously. It makes you put up with crap that no healthy person would. Watch all you want and you'll see your respect and dignity in the toilet with the rest of his crap! Sorry, for being harsh and insensitive, but what else would you listen to after falling for Joe-booboo's story.

talaniman · Jul 5, 2008, 07:37 AM

The problem is that I cannot forgive him and also has many doubts.

UNDERSTANDABLE

But I believe that I still have too much feelings for him

After all the time you have put in this, of course you have feelings as well you should.
I

take my time so I don't make me more miserable than I already am

That is a very wise choice, and don't let your fears of being alone influence your decision.

Yes, I am stupid. So, swim in my pain if that what I chose...

Not stupid, hurt and confused maybe. Nothing wrong with having those feelings, just love yourself to do the right thing for yourself, and no one else. My prayers are with you.

N0help4u · Jul 5, 2008, 07:45 AM

He went there for spiritual reasons and then got himself into a legal mess by committing fraud for the monastery's desire for something that he was something he did not need to involve himself with---he should have refused AND LEFT.
He probably doesn't want to tell you because he doesn't want to involve you in a complicated mess... even though that IS exactly what he DID do.
Now he doesn't want to be proactive and get himself out of the mess so I would say you have every right to dump him and this baggage out of YOUR life.

JudyKayTee · Jul 5, 2008, 11:04 AM

Originally Posted by nt45kcl

It seems only take one sentence to end a relationship "You move out, ." But after he is out then I will cry in my room lonely and bitter, and missing him and the other good time together... then the relationship is not ended, truely. I thought about that. I wish I could cut my feeling instantly. If I could, as soon as I got the immigration letter confirming what he did, I coud have thrown his stuff out of my house before he even opened his mouth to admit what he did...

About this spiritual group, there are similar story committed by this religious group on the web:
http:// marriagefraud.wordpress.com

He is legally married to another woman and you don't know what to do about it?

Unless he's a puppet with not a brain in his head I would be more angry with him than I would be with the religious group -

If he is this easily persuaded to commit a Federal crime, yes, he'd be out on his... ear.

Choux · Jul 5, 2008, 12:48 PM

He most likely went there with the intention of marrying... FOR MONEY. He is the conniving and scheming kind of man, not a spiritual kind of man!

Seems like he enjoys his relationship with you for all the wrong reasons, but he knows that you want a man and will put up with anything to have him, so... you should probably find a way to enjoy your life!! You can't change anyone but yourself. :)

Love Life!

kimdeelee · Jul 5, 2008, 12:53 PM

I hope this is not offensive but if he was there on a spiritual journey why would he commit to a marriage that is a fraud that's not very spiritual

N0help4u · Jul 5, 2008, 05:09 PM

To get a better idea on her question of report fraud or not here is her question dealing with the emotional health aspect.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/mental...ue-233876.html

JudyKayTee · Jul 5, 2008, 05:15 PM

Originally Posted by nt45kcl

My boyfriend and I know each other for 18 years and live together for 12 years without legal marriage paper. Last July, he wanted (and I agreed) to commit a serious commitment for a spiritual assigment that required him to live 80 miles away from our home for about 6 months in a similar monastary setting.
And the plan was that he will return to our home with me. Before he left home, we never discussed or agreed on breaking up.
After 6 WEEKS apart, he surprised me by entering a fraud marriage just to help out a female member of his spiritual group for a green card without asking me at all. The night before he went to the court to swear his marriage license, he came home to take his citizenship certificate. that night, I asked him 3 times, "What did you take from home today?" He insisted "I take things". I respected him and did not ask any further.
After I found out his marriage fraud, I questioned him how come he did not tell me about this, he told me that one day, when things are well wrapped and done, and when I am in good mood, he will tell me about it... And he insisted it was only a paper. So he begged me not to get jealous, and promised me that when the lady gets the temporary green card, he will file a divorce... I demanded him to get an immediate divorce, but his answer was NO. So I demended him to sign an open date divorce petition so I can trust him that he will get divorce after the conditional green card is (hopefully) granted. (I could have submitted it in but I let him make his own move. )
And when I told him either me, or your paper wife, 'I am fed up'; he agreed to file the divorce to stop that marriage fraud before the green card interview was scheduled.
During the green card petition process, even after I was aware of the fraud he did, he still did not tell me anything about his contact w/ this woman, i.e. email, phone, go out to the banks together, chatting on the internet...
I am very hurt. I have complained and scolded him every day 4 months and he patiently listened and say sorry. He takes care of me w/ more attention and more generous about money. (Well, it should be the normal way of a relationship.-- Before this, our relationship was like a extended friendship.) I suppose, if without his stupid action, our relationship is very normal now. But I feel bitter because I think he is sweet to me because he is making up for his fault (he is a church go-er !). I am waiting (stupid or not) to see if his love is real or not. I am 50's. I am afraid to get in a new relationship. And I am afraid to be alone. I am alert and watching out his actions, though.

Well, you are considering turning him to INS - per your other post - so I'm not exactly sure emotionally how you stand here -

JudyKayTee · Jul 5, 2008, 05:21 PM

Originally Posted by N0help4u

To get a better idea on her question of report fraud or not here is her question dealing with the emotional health aspect.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/mental...ue-233876.html

Good catch - the other post makes no mention of the question of turning him in to the authorities.

Otherwise - identical post.

N0help4u · Jul 5, 2008, 05:23 PM

Yeah sounds to me like she doesn't want to turn this in to INS until she figures where she stands.

nt45kcl · Jul 5, 2008, 11:53 PM

Answer to Judy Kay Tee:
Read http:// marriagefraud.wordpress.com. Many of this religious group members committed marriage fraud because they tried to help their 'non-blooded brothers and sisters' in their group. I heard about this but it was not my concern because it was not my business. But when my boy friend wanted to help 'his non-blooded sister' via marriage then I became very angry at him and at the group. Yes, he was brain washed because he believed suicided bombers are good duty... (he killed me without weapon, no, it was not his intention, but he stepped over my head to do it job because the group assigned him to do that job, and of course he was stupid, and he got scolded by me to his bones... )

I knew that it was 100% fake marriage just for the paper. But he was not brave enough to tell me because 10,000 reasons in his mind.

WHY IS FAKE MAARIAGE AN UNFAITHFUL ACTION?

The marriage is 100% fake, but why is a fake marriage (without telling me) is an unfaithful action? And of couse he hides from me the steps of the green card process between he and the legal wife. Yes, hiding is no good (but he said it was a must in order to do the job. He said that he did something I absolutely did not like it but he did not have love for the lady (I am positive it was not a love relationship).

My boyfriend needs to hear people's opinions because he has not figured out the answers and he still believes that I am OOOOOVER SENSITIVE and over reacted. And he ALWAYS expected me to understand that his action was just to help some one and help the group (, he is a stuborn man, you know).

I am also trying to figure it out myself... Is there any juice from this relationship for me to stay with him one more day. He is not doing any thing wrong at this very moment and he also appologizes and appologizes and appologizes... every single time I mention about this. And he is very sweet to me at his best (but for how long). Though, I am withrawing my trust, my attention, and my love for him. When it is time, when I know I am ready... it will be the right time and right move.