[JerzeeMesha]

Hi, I am new on here and my first question I'm posting. Well I am a 29yr old single mother of an 11yr old daughter that very much so looks like she's 15.

My situation is that I caught her trying to use my "toy" yesterday. It seems to be very normal for a boy to masterbate, but not for girls. My question is... HOW DO I HANDLE THIS?? No, really, should I be mad? Should I give her one of her own? Do I not let her continue? I asked her if she is having sex already, and she said no, but I'm scared that if I do let her "explore" with herself, I'm afraid it may lead to the real thing.

Am I over reacting?

[westnlas]

How did you get started ? I think that sexual urges are going to lead to the real thing no matter what. Perhaps she would be less likely to start having sex if she had a release for her urges ? At least you know that it's time for the two of you to have some very frank discussions about sex.

[JerzeeMesha]

My mom would just tell me, don't do it, or she'll beat the crap out of me... aaaand low and behold, I got pregnant at the age of 16. I explained to her what sex was at the age of 5, and did that so any individual trying to molest her couldn't lie to her about what it was. For example try to say "this is how grown ups show their love for you." I didn't think that I would have to face this when she is 11.

[westnlas]

There is no set rule for hormones I guess. I had a cousin that got pregnant at 13. Oklahoma hill people !

I wish you luck. Thank God my daughter is grown and there are no grandkids. Today they seem exposed to too much, way too soon.

[chris_in_orbit]

I don't think you should get angry... you should never show anger with children, especially when it comes to sexual things like that; that will confuse her. Also, you shouldn't get her a toy of her own haha, I think that's a little overboard.

It is totally natural for a girl or boy that age to be curious about their bodies and to try new things. I will tell you right now that scolding her for what she is doing will make it more likely for her to go out and experiment in other ways and that could mean the real thing.

You should talk to her about what is going on with her body and explain what sex is and all those things. Express to her that it is OK to explore her body but that you don't want her doing it with someone else. That's the best advice I can give :)

[tykescribe]

I wouldn't get her a toy, she's still pretty young, I'm not sure if she could do herself any physical damage by using a vibrator but I wouldn't want to risk it. Sit her down and tell her that exploring her own body is natural and fine, but that she should keep her body to herself until she is older.

Start discussing contraception now, if she's an early starter then she may not wait until she's of consensual age and the sooner she has all the information at her fingertips the better. The better your relationship is, the more likely she is to come to you and talk to you about sex and taking things further.

Don't get mad with her. Even very small children masturbate, girls as well as boys. With only her fingers she won't do herself any damage. I've tried hard not to demonise sex to my teens, we do have some very frank (and yes, toe-curlingly embarrassing) conversations. Masturbation is not something dirty or to be ashamed of but I can understand you being freaked out. I would handle it with a smile, tell her to save that for bedtime. It's like picking your nose, every one does it, but no-one does it in public.

[MYDEARFRIEND]

I feel that at the age of 11 is way too young to use sex toys.. yes its OK to masturbate and its easier for boys to use and handle their penis as its more assessable but as for a girl to masturbate its more helpful to use her fingers than a hard sex tool as she could damage herself..

Explain that you may have masturbated as well but tell her that she needs to be older to better understand how to enjoy masturbation and using a dildo at a older age.