[Crybaby9112001]

Ive been with my husband for 7 years now, and we have a son. I met him when I was 13 years old. We just got married in March. I believe in marriage and I honor god and the commitment me and my husband made. But before we got married I cheated on him with someone else. I haven't cheated on him since we got married and I don't plan it or wish it and I know it would never happen again. But I still feel guilty and almost terriefied that he will find out and I will lose him forever. Its not the fact that I would be alone or I can't live without him it the fact that I love him so much and he is my life. Now before you guys start criticizing me understand that everyone makes mistakes and what I did was inexcusable. But I'm not here to read how people hate me and how I will never change or how wrong I was, I'm here to vent and hear peoples positive opions. I haven't been able to sleep or think straight in the past week. What I don't understand it I cheated about a year ago and I didn't regret it. It was a weird part in our lives. My husband and me were growing apart and talked about seperateing for months but always put it on hold cause I wasn't finantially stable and we were worried about our son, we both said we would wait until I got my job and then once I had money I would go on my own. He would be at the club with his friends every weekend while I always stayed at home. He would come home and we never said a word. I didn't cook for him and I didn't clean. He show me no affections and we rarely talked. At the time we knew we were all wrong for each other. Then he moved to another state. Which was way different for him. 3 months later I moved with him. It was during the 3 months he was gone that I cheated. But once I moved everything changed. He was more nice and affectionate. We didn't have my family around begging for money. He didn't have his friends calling every weekend to go out. We slowly became a family. There were no more gangs or fights in our neighborhood, no alcoholics banging on our door at night. NO MORE NEGATIVITY. It wasn't until I moved from the place I was born and raised that I was able to see how bad everything was. I love my husband and my son and I would die before id hurt them. But I can't seem to feel like I'm the worst mother and wife in the world. I feel like god is going to make sure I burn in hell. I feel like if I don't slave myself to please my husband then soon I will lose him. I know he could do better then me. And telling him is not an option. He is not the forgivig type and he wouldn't think twice about taking my son and leaving me. He is a good man and so am I but I just don't know what to do to be normal again. I didn't regret what I did until the day I got married. But it isn't until a year later that I feel the blow of what I did. HELP ME PLEASE

[Distantlove]

The only way you can feel 'normal' again is to tell him. You are already upset and worried about it, why carry on living like this? Get it out, sit down and talk with him. This is the only chance you can get at feeling less guilty. Tell him exactly what you've told us, that at the time you both had grown apart. Make him understand, describe to him what yours and his behaviours were like, remind him that it was a tough period and then remind him how it is different now.. tell him the man you cheated on him with was just a rebound, because you felt like a stranger to your husband. But then tell him that was before, and your relationship has changed now and you've matured like he has and have learnt from him. You believe in god, god believes in confession. Confess to the man you love. He deserves to know, you know that. Don't beat yourself up about it, we are all humans, humans make mistakes. If we didn't make mistakes we would never learn. God also says that we should forgive one another, god has already forgiven you. Don't let your beliefs scare you. There is no point in thinking you should be punished, because you will never be happy. You need to move on, confess to your husband, he will either understand and give you another chance, or he will leave you. If he leaves you, you know you couldntve done anything else because you did all that you could do, and that was being honest with him. And don't think that you wish you could turn back time and didn't cheat, because we can't turn back time. Its happened now. Think about the future, know that god has forgiven you, be honest with your husband. Tell him everything you have told us. Goodluck

[talaniman]

You have already admitted to making a mistake at a weak moment in your life, so maybe forgiving yourself and getting rid of the guilt can help you get past this. Stop beating yourself up.

[SaraD86]

You should tell him
Marriage isn't suppose to be based on lies and secrets and if he really does care and love you he wouldn't leave you but you'll feel a lot better if you tell him and stop hiding from the problems cause maybe one day he would find out and he wants to know why you never told him don't take the risk of him finding out later in life it's better to get it over with now

[jinxie19]

You should have told him before you guys got married, now its going to be even harder. But don't be scared just do it and hope for the best. Some people can forgive but remember that they won't forget. Nothing is going to be normal again once you tell him AND if he stays with you, you seriously have to prepare yourself. I was single when I got together with an ex of mine and ended up having sex knowing that he had a girlfriend(he said things were rocky between them) so at first I didn't feel bad about what I did cause I was the single one. But after a month of thinking what she was going through, how she must be feeling I felt bad and angry about what I had done cause I saw the stress it put on their already rocky relationship... so I told his girlfriend.

He didn't expect it and many can say that I shouldn't have said anything, but right after I did that I felt so much better and that's how I stopped beeting myself up. You might have to swallow your pride and do the same but at least YOU will get peace of mind. Do you have a lot of contact with this person? If you do that could be just feeding your flames of guilt, does he have a family? Maybe your thinking how they must be feeling. You see yourself happy but your wondering if he is too? So many things race through your mind... I know I did for weeks on end. Hopefully your husband will sit down and think and not just leave. But prepare yourself, cause if you don't tell him, your attitude with him will change and he.ll figure it out that your hiding something. Pm me if you can OK, I hope I was of some help

[tami1985]

DON'T TELL him

You should have told him before you got married, but now that you are I think you shouldn't. You say he isn't the forgiving type, and most men aren't. "Women can forgive but not forget" Men CANNOT forgive but can forget. If you watch soap operas secrets always come out, but in real life that isn't always the case a lot of the time. Some secrets will never come out and shouldn't come out.

If you tell him, sure its going to relieve your guilt, but that will jeopardize your marriage and keeping your son. YOu know what the best decision is, don't take the path that you cann't return from. If you really love your family, you will do what's best for them and let go of the guilt.

MY question is, who else knows of your secret. If it is just the a guy that does not have real connections to you and your husband that great, but how close is he?

[westnlas]

DO NOT TELL HIM! DO NOT TELL HIM!! Please, PLEASE don't tell him.

Telling him might make you feel better for a moment but ::: Consider this.
When you throw it out there, you are forcing hime to react. He may already know and is living with it. If so, he has already forgiven you or at least for the time being. It could always come up later in an argument perhaps. His reaction to the news may not be the one you envision.

Since you were not married at the time, it was prior to your vows, so you really haben't broken them.

You will break the trust of the person you had your affair with if you tell about it. It is one of the worst things a person can do to discuss a private thing as a sexual encounter.

You have absolutely to gain by telling your husband and a whole lot to lose. As a person who gambles some, I think this is a bad bet to make.

What would you do if he asks for a divorce ? Or doesn't accept and forgive you ?

Confess to God or a priest and keep the confidence of your confession. Spouses are not people to confess to.

[jinxie19]

I remembered that I posted also to a simiilar post of yours, is it the same thing or something totally new? Cause if its something totally new there's a pattern going on. You cheated on him when you were 15 five times, then again before you got married. Even if he was talking to some girl you say he didn't act upon it. But you did just because things were rocky, that's no reason to cheat. If your not getting what you need in a relationship and you've already talked and still nothing.. you should have left cause now your feeling it

I'm sure he had a hunch when you cheated on him, he just wasn't sure if it was true or not so he let it go and now he's still with you. So if you haven't told him he's going to see your attitude change, you might not talk to him and keep quiet, won't look him in the eye, angry outbursts, won't have sex with him etc... and he's going to notice, and believe me guys can really get you to talk when they notice something's up. Best of luck to you.

[jinxie19]

How is everything? Do you feel better?

[N0help4u]

As Tal said do not beat yourself up. When you find the way to tell him start by telling him how much it means to you that you have him and he is your whole world and you are so thankful that you can see now what a crazy life it was before. That the move was the very best thing that could have ever happened because it brought you from the verge of losing your marriage to a place in life with him you never thought possible.

Even before you come up with the courage to tell him reinforce this to him all along.

[Romefalls19]

You need to start to forgive yourself and let the guilt go. Once you do that you will feel a lot better and be able to tell him rationally about the encounter.

[jinxie19]

I think even if she were to reinforce how much she supposedly "loves" her husband that's not going to change the fact that she cheated on him in the past, now again before they got married. Even though she wants to keep convinsing herself she's a good woman its not going to happen. You do something wrong over and over and over again and sooner or later its going to come back and bite you in the . Some people have the strength to break a cycle, to really put effort in changing their behaviour but she's not doing anything or else she wouldn't have cheated on her husband again. Like her previous post said that she's a changed woman.. she really isn't cause she did it again. I don't know that's just my opinion.

As for her son, he's going to grow up learning that cheating on your loved one is acceptable.. why? Cause mommy did it. I don't think neither one should have stayed with her husband just for the sake of the child, I don't believe in that. You could be a good person in so many OTHER aspects of your life... but when it comes to relationships and love... your not. That's what many young people these days think, that relationships are so easy, that your going to live a fairy tale. Its not so many things can happen, so many outcomes its nearly impossible to explain. All that really can be done is to mature mentally and learn to love and respect yourself and those around you

[JoeCanada76]

Okay, this has happened in your relationship. Before you got married. You feel guilty, but if you release your guilt by telling him. It is not fair to him or your son. I believe you got great advice already and you already said that within you and to us that telling is not an option.

You need to forgive yourself and learn from this experience and NEVER EVER DO IT AGAIN. Meaning that no matter how weak things may get or how rough things are to always be at his side.

I also feel that you NEED TO SEEK COUNSEL, talk to somebody about your thoughts and feelings and how to work through them. Even speaking to your Priest or Pastor in private.

Take care and best wishes for your family.

[jinxie19]

Deffinately I agree she should seak counceling or talk to a professional that will help her dwal with her problem of cheating. Maybe she had a rough childhood, we all do but at different degrees of severity but that still dopsnt seem right as using that as her excuse for cheating. My friend uses the same excuse but its b.s really cause if you really want to change, you'd get over all the crap that happened in your life, stp dwelling on it and move on. She shouldn't have gotten married I think, she's going to cheat again no doubt, she did it once shell do it again no matter what her status in a relationship is. I feel bad for her son and her husband cause she's making fools of them.

[love is abby]

Maybe your underestimating his ability to forgive. I think you should tell him but if you don't its completely your decision. You are not the only wrong-doer here, he wen't out all the time and didn't show you the love you needed. I'm curious to know though, how would he possibly find out?

[ordinaryguy]

Don't tell him. Forgive yourself. Don't ever do it again.

[jinxie19]

That could be true but from what she's written before she says she already knows how he.ll react and she has already said he wouldn't think twice on leaving her and taking the kid. That's kind of sad cause if your just going to up and leave instead of sitting down like adults and trying to find the root of the problem their just playing each other for fools and wasting their time. Hopefully they'll find a solution. Or she could just be quiet about the whole thing and feel horrible for the rest of her life, every time she sees her little boy she'll wonder if its even his etc. hopefully she.ll chose the right path

[Ash123]

Sometimes a change of life can bring a change of perspective. And you are right to see this in a new healthy light and feel guilt...

That said, Actions are the key to judging character.

And... You did something wrong. Now you can do something right...

A start: Be a supportive and active partner. And don't weigh his life down with self-pity.

In time your bond may reach a lifelong force that will help you be more open about this. Maybe not.

He may not be a saint and neither are you - but together you can be.

Start now. Communicate often. Don't feel sorrow for yourself.

One day you may find that time and binds make the time right to share your secret, if not, it's your private reminder that being human is a lifelong battle.

Don't blow it again!

Good luck and get to work.

[Stunning07]

Honestly if you learned from your mistake I think you shuold just let it go and don't ruin a beautiful marriage...

[f104]

Don't tell him in my opinion. You cheated before you were married. You are trying to relieve your own sense of shame and guilt. It is not fair to throw that on your husband just so you can feel better. If he finds out or asks then tell him the truth until then I would keep quiet.