[davejag]

My wife gave birth to our daughter 2 weeks ago and it was a hard delivery. For the past few days I have watched my wife become extremely uptight and down and out, when the baby cries at night she gets really frustrated and just doesn't want to deal with her. Last night she was making dinner and snapped after I tried to give her a kiss, she broke out in tears and couldn't stop crying. She doesn't want to leave the house because she is to tired and scared the baby will cry, she is breast feeding and a lot of the angxiety has to do with that I think. Is this normal for her to feel like this? Is this the baby blues?

[ang8318]

A lot of women feel like this, it could be the baby blues (postpartum depression), Maybe she needs to see her doctor. Postpartum depression is more common that most people think. She is also probably exhausted, and gets easily frustrated due to her exhaustion. Do you ever take over at night? When my son was younger, once a week, my husband would take a night, I would pump, so that I could sleep all night. If she does not get better, she may want to see a doctor.

[N0help4u]

It is normal to be edgy and exhausted for awhile but it sounds like she could be in the baby blues or post partem blues. She needs to eat healthy and take her vitamins. Be a moral support and help with the baby (and her needs) as much as possible.
It might be a good idea for her to talk to her doctor since severe post partem blues can end up badly.
I don't know if there is something here that might help or not
help with post partem blues - Google Search

[J_9]

Let's differentiate between postpartum blues and postpartum depression, they are two totally different animals. Postpartum blues, most commonly known as the baby blues is very common, it sounds as though your wife may be going through this. It is caused by the immediate decrease in hormones combined with the added responsibility of baby and exhaustion.

Postpartum depression, on the other hand, is much more rare. It is when the mother is severely depressed and has thoughts, or acts out, harmful situations on her, other loved ones, or the baby. Many women with postpartum depression will either attempt suicide or harm the baby.

Is your wife getting enough rest? By this I mean is she sleeping when the baby sleeps? This is important for her mental and physical well being. I do think it is a good idea that she speak to her doctor about this. It may be necessary for her to get on short term medication until her hormones even out.

[davejag]

Let's differentiate between postpartum blues and postpartum depression, they are two totally different animals. Postpartum blues, most commonly known as the baby blues is very common, it sounds as though your wife may be going through this. It is caused by the immediate decrease in hormones combined with the added responsibility of baby and exhaustion.

Postpartum depression, on the other hand, is much more rare. It is when the mother is severely depressed and has thoughts, or acts out, harmful situations on her, other loved ones, or the baby. Many women with postpartum depression will either attempt suicide or harm the baby.

Is your wife getting enough rest? By this I mean is she sleeping when the baby sleeps? This is important for her mental and physical well being. I do think it is a good idea that she speak to her doctor about this. It may be necessary for her to get on short term medication until her hormones even out.

Well she doesn't get a lot of sleep even during the day, I work so much that she has to take care of her all by self and that's hard on her. She isn't thinking about harming her or her self she is just so down and out anything can set her off. I think I will give her another week and then take her to see our doctor.

[J_9]

Dave,

Tell her the house does not have to be immaculate right now, tell her to turn the ringer off on the phone, do not answer the door. She should be SLEEPING when baby is sleeping. That means during the day AND the night.

Being home alone with a 2 week old is not very hard if you get your schedule straight. She should not be doing any heavy lifting, that can wait for you. Anything strenuous can wait for you to get home.

[J_9]

ang8318 agrees: You sure do know your stuff :)

I work in the Labor and Delivery Department at my local hospital. I sure hope I know my stuff, and so do my patients. :p

[ang8318]

Very true J9, if you did not know your stuff, that would be a little scary.

[DoulaLC]

Is there anyone else who can help out around the house... family member, friend, neighbor? You might even ask about a postpartum doula for a short time. How is the breastfeeding going? If she is having any difficulty, ask the hospital or her doctor about a visit from a lactation consultant. Some will do home visits, or she may go to the hospital or doctor's office for an appointment. When you say she just doesn't want to deal with the baby, is this temporary and then she gets on with it, or is she having true difficulty or lack of interest with taking care of the baby? Any trouble in taking care of her own needs? These would be more of a concern.
Certainly, as everyone has said, give her doctor a call if she isn't doing better after you have tried a few of the suggestions. In the meantime... do what you can to help around the house. Before you leave for work, have some simple foods/ healthy snacks prepared for her to eat throughout the day. Give her a couple of phone calls during the day, encourage her to rest when baby sleeps, let her know what household chores you will take care of when you get home, encourage her to have something to drink when she nurses, to eat on a regular basis, lie down when she feeds the baby so she can get a bit more rest as well. The basics are important to how she feels as it can be easy to get so involved with taking care of baby she forgets to take care of herself. If a temporary time on medication becomes a help, she can be assured breastfeeding can continue. There are numerous helpful options that are compatible with nursing.

[davejag]

One of the problems is she doesn't eat she says she isn't hungry, she maybe has a meal or two a day. She does want to take care of her but she just has a real hard time, now she can't breast feed at all anymore because of her episiotomy. She went to see the ob yesterday and she now has to be on heavy medication so she can't breast feed. She feels like a failure, she said last night she sit in the bedroom once or twice a day and just has a god cry Im not a fan of that. She said something interesting she misses being in the hospital a lot, I have no idea why is that normal?

I feel so bad for my wife she is so much pain in her lower half and now her breast feel like they are on fire because of all the milk that's still in them. What can I do make her life easier and to take the pain away?

[tykescribe]

Lack of appetite is one of the symptoms of depression, so keep a close eye on her. I've had postpartum depression twice, it's not a good place to be. Even so, having a two week old in the house is draining, physically and mentally. Reassure her that not breastfeeding doesn't make her a failure, point out that you can help bottlefeed, she can rest and your daughter will be fine. Tell her to look at the kids at school, see if she can pick out the breastfed ones. You can't.
For engorged breasts, try cabbage leaves. Stupid, but I've heard it works a treat. To soothe scarring down below, salted baths are good.
Saying that she wishes she was back in hospital sounds to me that she misses the routine and the help. Routines can be invaluable, and your baby will develop her own at some point, you can find lots of baby sites on the web, or books that help with routine.

It's easy to feel a failure when everything hurts, you're getting no rest and your baby seems to be always unhappy, but most new mums go through a time like this. Keep reassuring her that she's normal, that you are there to listen to her rant, and weep and tell you that she hates her life, that she wishes she'd never had the baby and she's a complete failure at it. She's not, but it's very easy to think that way.

If things don't start improving in the next couple of weeks, contact your health visitor and ask for some extra support. Postpartum depression can be overcome and it doesn't mean you are a bad mother to have had it (another good stick to beat yourself with when you're depressed). This is a very hard time for the both of you, but hopefully you'll be through it soon.

BTW, congratulations on your new baby!

[DoulaLC]

One of the problems is she doesn't eat she says she isn't hungry, she maybe has a meal or two a day. She does want to take care of her but she just has a real hard time, now she can't breast feed at all anymore because of her episiotomy. She went to see the ob yesterday and she now has to be on heavy medication so she can't breast feed. She feels like a failure, she said last night she sit in the bedroom once or twice a day and just has a god cry Im not a fan of that. She said something interesting she misses being in the hospital a lot, I have no idea why is that normal?

I feel so bad for my wife she is so much pain in her lower half and now her breast feel like they are on fire because of all the milk that's still in them. What can I do make her life easier and to take the pain away?

She can't breastfeed because of the episiotomy? Is the med she is on for pain? What is it called? Rare that she would have to stop due to a pain medication... and there are certainly a number to choose from that are effective that would also allow her to continue nursing. OBs are not always as informed inregard to breastfeeding so you may want to double check.
If it is important to her, once she is feeling better, she can resume breastfeeding if she chooses to... so that is not totally out of the picture. She can help her body adjust to the production of breastmilk with the cabbage leaves as was mentioned, but use them sparingly if she is only wanting to relieve engorgement. She can also apply ice packs periodically throughout the day and the pain med should help as well. She can use sitz baths for the episiotomy to bring some comfort.
Having a good cry not and then can actually be quite helpful even if it is distressing for you. Reassure her that what she is feeling is not unusual. Do leave her with plenty of easy meals and snacks. Again, do you have any friends, family, coworkers who can stop in once inawhile and help her out and just give her some company? Since she is not breastfeeding at the moment, you can certainly step in and take on some of the night duty feeds... at least one or two so that she has a stretch of decent sleep. This will go along way in helping her feel better. The baby will likely stretch out the time between feeds being on formula, so that will provide a bit more time to rest as well.

[davejag]

Well she is feeling a bit better now she talked with a health nurse who is coming by tomorrow with a pump so she can pump and dump. My wife does want to breast feed after the amitotic are finished, we spoke to a pharmacist and he advised as not to breast feed because of my wives high dosage of medication. So the health nurse said she`ll help us figure something out tomorrow. As for the sits bath they have told her to stop them because the salt is to painful but still to have a bath 3-4 times a day, to soke the area that is infected.

[DoulaLC]

Well she is feeling a bit better now she talked with a health nurse who is coming by tomorrow with a pump so she can pump and dump. My wife does want to breast feed after the amitotic are finished, we spoke to a pharmacist and he adviced as not to breast feed because of my wives high dosage of medication. So the health nurse said she`ll help us figure something out tomorrow. As for the sits bath they have told her to stop them because the salt is to painful but still to have a bath 3-4 times a day, to soke the area that is infected.

You don't need to use salt in the sitz baths. Discontinuing breastfeeding is often suggested with many meds as a precaution across the board when in actuality it often isn't necessary. There are very few meds that would cause someone to not be able to provide breastmilk. Pumping and dumping may not be necessary. What antibiotic is she on? What dosage? Is this the only med she is on?

[davejag]

You don't need to use salt in the sitz baths. Discontinuing breastfeeding is often suggested with many meds as a precaution across the board when in actuality it often isn't necessary. There are very few meds that would cause someone to not be able to provide breastmilk. Pumping and dumping may not be necessary. What antibiotic is she on? What dosage? Is this the only med she is on?

Well we did talk to a health nurse and we figured out that my wife can breast feed on the medication which is a good thing. The only problem now is she isn't producing enough milk for the baby, that's why the baby has been so unhappy so we have to feed formula during the night. So I can take over some of the feeds and my can sleep, since last night of feeding the baby formula the baby has been so much happier and content.

[DoulaLC]

Well we did talk to a health nurse and we figured out that my wife can breast feed on the medication which is a good thing. The only problem now is she isn't producing enough milk for the baby, that's why the baby has been so unhappy so we have to feed formula during the night. So I can take over some of the feeds and my can sleep, since last night of feeding the baby formula the baby has been so much happier and content.

That's good to hear. It is important that your wife put baby to breast very often... every couple of hours... as frequency is what will build her supply. Wake the baby if you have to during the day... at night no more than 3 hours to pass until the supply is backup. If she is consistent, it shouldn't take very long at all as breastfeeding works on supply and demand. Always offer the breast first, then supplement a bit if she needs to.
Glad to hear you are both getting some help, and your wife is starting to feel better!

[tykescribe]

Glad to hear things are improving. Xx

[bekah876]

There is also a tea called mother's milk tea, as well as precriptions, you can get to help build your milk supply up. If you put the baby to the breast often her supply should build back up and you shouldn't have to supplement with formula anymore. But if the supplementing is going well for the two of you because it gives your wife a break and puts some of the feeding responsibility on you then continue with what works.

[BetrayalBtCamp]

If she is having trouble eating, get her some Ensure or other liquid meal like that so she is getting more nutrition even if she just sips on it through out the day.

Another thing you could do is search for a new mom's support group where you live or even online for her to get involved with. That may help her see that what she's going through isn't unusual & give her more tips that may help.

You've gotten great advice already & contining to be supportive of her will be the most loving gift you can give her right now besides helping her get as much rest as possible.