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jc105 · Mar 13, 2006, 07:04 AM

All right ladies this is for you...

I am recently on the open market... You'll know my situation from my other posts.

Here is the question. I find myself at the bar very willing to talk to any girl that sparks my interest. I just walk up or tap them on there shoulder and ask them their name as they walk by. Throw them the normal questions like what they do, where they are from... blah blah blah. Eitherway, is it bad that I usually just like to meet as many as possible? I talked to about 6-10 girls when I went out last time.

Guess the question is, does it throw girls off when I am forward, should I try to be more tactful?

I know I am not bad looking so I am not worried about crap like that. I just was wondering if being confident throws girls off, etc. I am normally not very aggressive when I talk to these ladies also though, usually a few lines get there name buy them a drink then move on. I don't go out of my way to find any particular girl again... usually.

Any thoughts would be great I just want to see if my methods are going to work out in my best interest.

LTheobald · Mar 13, 2006, 07:07 AM

I know you wanted a woman's opinion but I'm throwing mine in first! I tend to find that women find confidence attractive. So going up and talking to them is a good thing - just don't come across as arrogant etc.

Anyway - if you didn't go up and talk to them, you would never get a chance to get their attention. You're doing it the best way.

jc105 · Mar 13, 2006, 07:19 AM

That's a start. I don't think I am too cocky, I'm just nice and have found that the more girls I talked too the better my night seem to go. Also a note for girls that respond. I'm not out for sex as of late, not really what I need so I usually just like to talk maybe catch a phone number if I actually like talking to them.

Again I like to set up like a learning area for myself and a reference for others so any advice ladies/gentlemen (I guess) would be appreciated.

fredg · Mar 13, 2006, 08:06 AM

HI,
Only one suggestion I have. You seem to be doing this very well, asking them about themselves.
That's a very good start. Getting someone to talk about themselves is being a good listener. That's what people like. At some point, I'm sure they will ask you some things about yourself, then you can talk about you.
But, listening to others will make friends faster than them listening to you.
I do wish you the best.

mrs.pennell · Mar 13, 2006, 03:47 PM

Okay... now for the woman's perspective. Of course this is only my opinion. I don't see that you are doing anything wrong at the bar with the ladies. Seems like you peak there interest by getting them talking, buying them a drink, etc. And LTheobald is right, confidence is an attractive quality in a guy if it doesn't cross the line into cockiness. And you say you aren't looking for sex, which is refreshing. But what exactly are you looking for? If you are looking for a meaningful relationship with a woman, I'm not sure that the bar is where you are going to find it. I spent a good portion of my twenties (and I am still in my twenties now... so this is a relevant statement) hanging out in the bar with my girls, dancing, having a few drinks. I even dated a couple of guys that I met there for a brief time. However, it never went anywhere. I am getting married in a month and a half... the guy I'm marrying? He grew up on the same street as me. His mom worked with my mom. It seems to me that the best relationships start outside the bar with people that you have something in common with. Maybe someone you work with, or go to school with. Maybe it's a buddy's sister or a friend of your cousin's.

But hey, if you are just looking to have a good time at the bar, meet a few chicks, have some beers... then it seems like you are going about it the right way. :D

jc105 · Mar 14, 2006, 08:20 AM

Yeah, if you read my other posts...

I was with a girl for 4 years that I lived one street down from. Moved to NYC with and subsequently love the hell out of. At the bar I'm looking for someone I talk to that actually makes me want to talk to them more. You know ask for the number etc. I've been out of the relationship for about 2 weeks and I'd like to think that I can last without a one night stand for a while, that is why I am not out for sex. More to try to meet someone to waste some time with.

I am avoiding a 'meaningful' relationship now, although I don't know how else I could stand to talk to a girl for an extended period if we didn't click.

So no the bar is not my sole area for a meaningful relationship, but it is my favorite for meaningless ones...

Eitherway thanks again all, any comments are good. Talking about this is better then b****'n about my ex leaving me right?

JC

mrs.pennell · Mar 14, 2006, 02:04 PM

Originally Posted by jc105

Eitherway thanks again all, any comments are good. Talkin about this is better then b****'n about my ex leaving me right?

Oh man, is it ever!!

Cgirl · Mar 14, 2006, 02:27 PM

I'm glad that there are some guys who can tell it like it is, I'm in my mid 20's and before I met my guy, I did the whole bar scene trying to meet someone thing, it actually did pan out in the end, I wasn't looking for anything meaningful at the time either, and that's when I met my husband. When you aren't looking is when you usually find that special someone. Good luck jc105 :)

jc105 · Mar 15, 2006, 12:08 PM

Hey thanks CGirl.

I think we all need a little luck.

Funniest thing though, yesterday my friend invites me to the small bar on my way home from work. I go I talk to the bartender before he gets there, still talking with her after he gets there. Now I am totally against hitting on bartenders only because its usually a lost cause, but this girl was all about it. Think I'm going to find the perfect friend...

Female and behind a bar!

MWHAHAHA. LOL

Good times. Good to hear that its not going to creep girls out if I just walk up to them, always afraid I'm going to look like a douche.

jc105 · Mar 15, 2006, 12:11 PM

Oh yeah, I am only 22...

I am going to college bars. Those girls usually aren't alcoholics yet...

I'm not going to lie, a one night stand may make me feel like a million bucks at this point, but I have always wanted someone I could wake up and talk to. Not roll over and run like my boy has a tendency to do.

Cgirl · Mar 15, 2006, 12:41 PM

Yea, doesn't it feel good when you can just connect with someone and they are just a really cool person to talk to? College Bars are cool but BEWARE, there are blossoming alcoholics, even in college (actually don't I mean especially in college;)... I know of quite a few!) Didn't you watch the 20/20 special about girls getting blitzed in college? Hehehe, I'm just toyin' with you
jc105! I remember one time I met this guy at a bar and I was drinking a little or I wouldn't have had the b***s to say this back to him, but he kept saying to me "you look so much like Drew Barrymore, are you sure you aren't related in some way to her?" and I said back "no, but you sure look like PeeWee Herman, are you sure you aren't related to him in some way?" and I am pretty sure from there on out he left me alone :) Just thought I'd share that funny story with you. Just don't use any cheezy pick up lines like that one and you will be okay :) (Allthough I have been told that I resemble her in some ways by my own husband, but he didn't use that as his pick-up line when he first met me :)

jc105 · Mar 15, 2006, 01:11 PM

Yeah, I assume the girl gets that I think there hot by me walking up to them and striking up a conversation. I don't like telling girls how pretty they are, I figured that out when I was like 12, its not a challenge to a girl who knows you worship her. That's why I am giving about a week and a half before I go talk to that bartender again. I actually really liked her but I am going to have to hold off on talking to her, let her simmer a little.

Its funny I get a little rush out of picking up chicks since its been so long. Like I told my frind after quite a few drinks, that he should watch me get this girl to talk to me. I just leaned over got her to catch my eye then struck up a conversation, cute little asian girl, but didn't take it much farther then name and school, but it is all a good time.

So funny that guys can't talk to girls. If you think they don't want to talk to you, or won't like you, they probably won't, so what does just talking to them hurt.

My favorite is to just find out what there name is and to let them know I saw them. For the most part I try to end the conversation fast and last time out I didn't ask for any numbers. I'm assuming I talk to enough, the interested ones will come back around and see what's good. I don't know why I am explaining all this, maybe a lesson for some poor 21 yr old that won't talk to girls.

Cgirl · Mar 15, 2006, 01:34 PM

Hey, maybe someone will get something out of your advice... Just be safe out there jc105!! But have fun too :)

jc105 · Mar 15, 2006, 01:54 PM

Don't worry about me C. I am not doing anything too exotic, or crazy. Just local bars, hell I don't fight at bars now that I have better things to do with my time.

And if you were referring to 'protecting' myself, that is a #1 priority and should be for all men. One night is not worth any of the things that come out of not protecting yourself, from having kids or getting the clap.

JC - Always a good time.

Cgirl · Mar 15, 2006, 01:59 PM

And eventually you WILL meet the right one (when you are ready to of course) and get something beautiful out of the deal!

jc105 · Mar 15, 2006, 02:20 PM

Too bad your married CGirl, or I'd ask you out. You seem cool.

Hey too bad...

You know you look just like drew barrymore?

Cgirl · Mar 15, 2006, 02:22 PM

Hehehe... good one jc105! ;)

asking4it · Mar 29, 2006, 10:04 PM

Hey, OK I can't tell if you are looking for a relationship or just seeking for a feeling of affection a void of having someone there to talk to?
But either way, college bars are not the best way to look for it. My experience, I am 25, lived in Colorado Springs for 3 years (18-21). I was always able to get into bars before I was 21, I had hookups, ha----, but anyway, I was only looking for a relationship not one night stands, I found no relationships, and plenty of men that wanted one night stands, (ok every once in a while I'd drag one home, I felt lonely too). But this is my advise. Don't look for anyone. They will come to you when you least expect it. Also I found that online "dating" was a good thing, you can get to know someone without actually talking to there face. You seem to open up more about yourself when you do not have to look someone in the face. I actually found a very meaningful relationship online, and no I was no ugly duckling either(I'm not bragging either) It filled a void in my life, it filled my heart with excitement, and not loneliness, I actually talked to the guy for about six months before we ever met and we even dated about six months after we met in person. But I lived in the Springs and he was stationed in Arizona with the army, and we hardly ever saw each other. But we were able to open up and talk online and on the phone to each other we had web came and sent updated photos of each other, se we really did feel as if we were in a real relationship, but not the physical part of one.
But after we were done with, I was through with men (all women go through this stage and proclaim we are turning lesbian,(and ladies you can't tell me you have never joked about that with your friends, you know who you are haha) until Mr. right walks in). So I was single about three months, I was a waitress at Bennets and I waited on three very well dress business Men, very successful looking, I was thinking all right big tippers!! THey were young and attractive, but all of them were very nice gentlemen, very respectful. Come to find out they were friends of one of the cooks that worked there also, so when the friend came out for a break, he saw his friends and introduced me to the three friends. And yes I did get that big tip, $40.00, a phone number exchange and a date.
Guess what, one of those men turned out to be the love of my life!! And we are now living happily ever after now, with 1 son. And still in love with him as much today that I was when we fell for each other.

So when you least expect it, someone made just right for you will come, you are only 22, your still young and have plenty of time!!
Good luck to you that true love comes your way!!

fredg · Mar 30, 2006, 05:40 AM

Hi,
The answer before this one is very, very good.
I also wish you the best of luck.

jc105 · Mar 30, 2006, 12:46 PM

Hey thanks...

I know all of that. I am definitely NOT looking for a relationship at the bar. If I happen to meet someone I like I'll call them but for now, just looking for companionship for the short term.

Really I am still trying to deal with my last relationship, and I have found that playing the field has been the best thing yet. Well that and working out and riding my bike a few miles a day. It really is the hardest thing to forget someone you've known for years...

JC