[redraven]

I am 38, no kids, never married, grandparents passed, father passed, no aunts/uncles/brothers/sisters... etc. My mother and I have a on and off relationship, and it has been that way since birth. When it is good, I am always waiting for the next bomb. I love my career, but have gotten wayward. I seem to be going backward.. I bought a fixer uper, blood,sweat and tears fixing it up. I was so proud. Now.. the neighborhood is a hood.I can't even sell my house. I'm lost in my thoughts, and basically I live day by day for one thing. My dog. Don't even laugh... he is my sunsine. Sometimes the only shine I feel. He is 11yrs old, and every day he makes me smile. But I know sooner or later... so when that day comes... I don't want to live to a ripe old age by myself, but finding a nice guy is nearly impossible. Especially when your in shoes like mine. No horses coming to the rescue. So what does a person do?

[Fr_Chuck]

Actually no, you seem to have a poor self image, it is not what you do, or who you know, it is that you are you.

You own your own home, great, and of course you can sell it, maybe just not for what you owe on it. I lived in the middle of the hood in Atlanta, MLK and Ashby for years, and that little 2 bedroom is still worth over 100,000. Next nothing wrong, with your four legged friend being your best friend But you want to live your life for you. Not for anyone, not for a boyfriend, not for your mom, not for anyone but you.

And you find guys at varies places, have you done some of the online dating services, you have to be careful but many wonderful people out there.

[xoxolele]

Fr Chuck is right, its about yourself image. But also I know what its like to really have no family and rely on yourself for everything, and its SUCKS! I know, but instead of making your mind think about all negatives, think about some positives. Even I can't control howi feel orwhat I think and I hate it but maybe you should get out more often. If you enjoy your little sunshine soomuch maybe go to a dog park or look up online sites/chats that involve pets and maybe there youcan meet friends/boyfriend with the same interests as you. If you just sit at home and think about life you'll be miserable (ive been there). Just get out and try new things, life is short and shouldn't be wasted on feeling that way. And have you considered maybe getting a puppy? Along with your sunshine? About your house,my parent ownerd a fixer upper at 1 point in there life and recently sold it due to the neighborhood going to . But have you tried to sell it, or do you just think it won't sell? Like I said before nothing will happen on its own. Start talking to realators and get asecond opinion. You say you have a good career, well then maybe you can ask for a couple weeks off or even just a week and go on a vacation, get your head cleared up and think about what it truly is that you want. Hope this helps you and keep us posted GOOD LUCK! Love le la

[redraven]

Thanks for the responses. I am full of fear, dread, lots of bad stuff. It has piled up over years. Example: You mentioned walking with my boy... well I used to a lot. Then one day we were attacked by 3 pit bulls in my neighborhood. THANK GOD for so many things. The man with the baseball bat, the people that heard my screams and called 911, and the owners of the dogs. They heard and came running and one even got bit... and to make this story better, they even paid the vet bills. BUT... I am totally scared to death to walk with or without him again. Anywhere... I do want a better life, but I seem to be on the bottom of a huge pile. I can't get up in the am, I am always "Just 5 more minutes". I wake up every night from dreams, 4,5 even 6 times a night. So I feel like crud in the am to top it off. I can use my imagination and just throw all this "stuff" to the wind. And it feels so great. But in real life, I do not have the energy to crawl out from under it. Nor do I have any vision of good. It has been bad for so long. I KNOW what I should do... what I need to do and what I HAVE to do. But I don't do any of it. What is wrong with me? I know there have been other people in my kind of shoes, and I know they did it. But what drove them? What got them so kick started?

[liz28]

I use to think that you, negative and I changed my way of thinking. I stop saying I can't to I can, and won't to will. In life you have to make things happen and wait for no way. Do you have any friends to hang out with?

I have a family but rarely be bother with them because their full of drama, actually I have not seen everyone in over 5yrs, except my parents. Sometimes your family could be your worst ememy. I wish it was different but that's just how it is.

Maybe you should talk to a counselor, it helped me a lot. I also read some self help books. There's someone out there for everyone but you just have not meet him yet so don't be so down on yourself.

[xoxolele]

Aww I just read your advice to me on hair! Thanks LUV!

Okay now back yo you. 1st off STOP being so down on yourself. Everyone knows what they need to do, or should do, the key is MOTIVATION. And that's extremely hard to work on. I think everyone at one point in there life feels this way. I have. If everyone did the right thing all the time we wouldn't be human.

Iknow its hard to try to think something and actually do it. You can't say I'm going to learn how to fly a plane in 2 days because its realistically not going to happen. Start out with things that are little. For example: I'm 20, I should be the most active person right... WRONG! I'm grateful for great genetics or else I would weigh 500lbs. But I also struggle with my procrastinating/lack of motivation with things. I just moved to VA 1 month ago and I've been sitting on my the whole time but at the same time I'm pissed off at myself for not doing anything. So I started with something little to kickstart my motivation. I went to the gym! And I went in thinking "okay im out of shape and very lazy" I started on the bike and said okay ill be on it for 10 min, and within 2 min I was like okay I'm not going to make it lol, but then 10 min went by and I knew I could go a little longer, wel I made it to 20 min! Then I went on the treadmil starting with 10 min also, same thing happened, I thought" yea right i can't even make it to 5 min" and I ended up running 1 mile and a half!! I know it may sound stupid but it was though most I had accomplished in 1 mnth. And that was a kick start to motivating myself for more things.

Don't beat yourself while your down, STOP thinking about all the things you haven't done and start thinking about what you want to do, or always wanted to do. Start daily by sayign your going to at least do 1 thing today that isn't in your usual routine, and set realistic goals forself. Once you feel that accomplishment and the end of your day you will LOVE it and want more.