[DarkLancer]

I am a resident in Canada, and my ex just recently told me that she is 6 weeks pregnant with my child. The catch is, she left me a long ways before she got pregnant, about 2 months before, but we still had intercourse, but about 9 weeks ago, also she lives all the way on the other side of Canada, her in BC, and me in NB. But another catch is, she is living with her ex, in BC. My question is, can she legally do anything to me with or without money (child care), or will she just be taking care of the child with her ex, and with me out of the picture? I have also told her that I cannot take care of the child in any way, she has told me she does not expect me too.

[xoxolele]

Legally if you are the father, by dna test, she can. But in most cases like with my mother, my dad wasn't around and she didn't care as long as he stayed out of my life. Im not promoting this in anyway, but I'm just trying to answer your question. Also you might want to contact her and talk about what she is going to do, and how you would hopefully like to be in your child life, it might seem scary but only beauty comes with A CHILD and its not as hard as everyone makes it. Good luck with everything

[DarkLancer]

The thing is though, I am just becoming an adult, 18-25, and I have no way of helping her out, and as bad as it may sound, I was also taking care of her first child too (which is not mine), and found that with the age I am in, and that I live at home with my parents, I cannot handle having a child in my life, especially with the type of work I do. I guess it's more so me needing reassurance, that this can't come and bit me in the at the time being, like I would like to partake in the child's life (if it is mine), but I cannot, right now. I have no way of doing so.

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes, you can be held resposnible for your child, after the child is born, she can request a DNA test to prove you are the father. If you are, you will be paying child support for years and years. And don't worry about it, they can hold the money out of your check before you get it. Thus a reason to always use protection and even better not to have sex until you are ready to be a parent

[DarkLancer]

Even if we live like 6 provinces apart? Like what would happen if I refuse the DNA test, or she does not get one?

[Fr_Chuck]

She will have to ask the court for a DNA test when she asks for child support. They will test the child, and then you will get a court order for a test, you can be held in contempt of court if you don't take it.

[ScottGem]

If you are determined to be the legal father, the distance makes no difference. If you are the father then you can be held responsible for supporting the child.

I would suggest that you make sure whether you are on the birth certificate. If you are then I would file in court for a paternity hearing. If you aren't, that doesn't mean a paternity test can't be done later.

[DarkLancer]

As horrible as it may be, I am hoping that I am not the father. Because my ex has drove me to do some horrible things to myself (suicide), and I do not want to go through the torment she put me through again. Like is there some form of way to protect myself from being in the gutter from this situation?

[xoxolele]

Like I mentioned before, I would call her and ask to meet up or if she does not want to you, then over the phone. This needs to be dealt with on both sides, maybe she wants other things from you besides money, maybe you guys can work out some kind of agreement where she can have custody with NO COURT involved and you can still have rights to visit on weekends or something, or you can talk about a child support plan with no court involved. Nothing will happen on its own you need to talk to her someway about this. Avoiding any situation isn't the answer

[xoxolele]

As bad as it sounds, its not about you right now, or what you and her personal issues are or were. Its about the baby, there is no avoiding, you need to deal with it. And trust me I'm 20 and even though you might think this is a horrible situation, its not! Once the baby comes and you look in that babaies eyes, all your issues with each other will not be important.You should be positive and talk to her

[clhend]

It's been said before that unless you're ready to be a parent you should use a condom. It actually goes beyond whether you're ready to be a parent or not, you need to ask yourself if you're ready to die or get an STD.

AIDS and STD's really will "bite you in the butt". Either use a condom or abstain, but just remember if you don't: if you play you pay, maybe not right away, but sooner or later you will have to answer for irresponsible behavior.

We all do.

As far as the child, if the baby is yours please don't just consider your part done by paying child support. Every child needs to know that they were wanted. Step up to the plate and try to be some part of your child's life.

[ScottGem]

As horrible as it may be, I am hoping that I am not the father.

I don't think its horrible at all. But the time to think about this was BEFORE you had sex, not after.

Like is there some form of way to protect myself from being in the gutter from this situation?

Until paternity is determined there is nothing you can do.

[DarkLancer]

I understand all that you are saying, but the thing is, there is no form of way of me coming in contact with her. She lives 6 provinces away from me, which is very far from me. But I will speak with her about this.

[xoxolele]

Good luck! Seriously andim sure we're not all tell you what u want to hear, but its only for the best. A lot of people make these kinds of decisions with no positive feedback. All of theses answers are probably not what yoou were looking for but we want you to make a good decision. Keep us posted

[DarkLancer]

Well then, this like kind of puts a big jump in my life... Damn I don't even know how to react or that , besides knowing that if my parents find out, that I didn't use a condom, I am chop liver...

[xoxolele]

I got pregnant at 18 with a guy I was with for only 2 months(he is my hubby now). We were struggling, both drop outs and druggies at the time. I was working but he had no desire to work. I made the decision to have an abortion, bcause like you I felt I couldn't tell my parents, I wasn't ready, I hated the father at the time, and he was abusive, etc. If only I had people to tell me evrythng people are telling you. I will now never forgive myslef for what I've done, and live with depresion because of it. The mind is extremely powerful. I wish I would have made the right decision because now 3 years later me and that guy are married and clean and he is in the military, and we are great. If the baby is in fact yours, and you ake the decision to want to stay in his/her life, you will be extremely grateful, please don't make the same mistakes as me, running away from the situation.

[DarkLancer]

Thank you for the help, well I will find out more, when my ex gets into contact with me.

[JudyKayTee]

like i mentioned before, i would call her and ask to meet up or if she does not want to you, then over the phone. this needs to be dealt with on both sides, maybe she wants other things from you besides money, maybe you guys can work out some kind of agreement where she can have custody with NO COURT involved and you can still have rights to visit on weekends or something, or you can talk about a child support plan with no court involved. nothing will happen on its own you need to talk to her someway about this. avoiding any situation isnt the answer

This is not sound legal advice - obviously the OP has some "issues," as (apparently) does the mother of the child. No one "forces" someone else into a suicide attempt (as the OP seems to believe) and apparently he/she are incapable of dealing with each other in a rational manner.

This needs to be set up by the Court in accordance with the law - these side pocket, outside of Court deals almost always backfire at some point in time and the child is the party who is short changed in the long run.

The child deserves the financial support of both parents - I have no patience with a mother who doesn't want to be bothered pursuing the father and raises the child on a shoestring or the father who doesn't want to have to pay. That child deserves better.

I mean no disrespect - a lot of the info on this thread may be interesting and/or uplifting but it is not sound legal advice - and this is a legal board.

[twinkiedooter]

If you two had sex 9 weeks ago, how could she be 6 weeks pregnant? Somehow the math does not add up here. Am confused about this. I feel that she is just messing with your head at this point. Being 6 weeks pregnant is rather too soon to be positive about anything if you ask me. Relax, she's probably making the whole thing up.

[DarkLancer]

I hope you are right twinkie, because she has lied to me a lot in the recent past when she left me.