[DJ 'H']

Well as you all know my parents split up before xmas, and things were really tensed for a while. Soon after things settled down and everyone was getting on a lot better.

However once again the tables have turned.

My mum is now having financial problems and contnously blames me for everything, to which end we argue even more so these days (which upsets me), she also tries to make me feel guilty when she wants to go out at the last minute but can't get a baby sitter. I have said if you ask my step-dad to come and look after him for a couple of hours when you need to get out then he will do it. She always responds 'No, I don't want him here' - I really don't understand.

Also Very good friends of our family P & J have now split up too. P seems to be constantly on the phone to my mum either texting or chatting and my mum seems to be disappreaing a lot.

I am suspicious and think that they may be seeing each other. But if my step dad finds out he will hit the roof. As my step-dad and P are good friends.

I really don't know what to make of the whole thing, but all I know is that things are getting out of hand and all hell is about to break loose. I can feel it brewing and I am just waiting for the big bang.

[fredg]

Hi,
It took a few years for my wife to finally get out of the "guilt trip" stuff with her Mother. Finally, she got to the point she could just tell her Mom that this doesn't pertain to her! And not let it bother her.
We can't always solve family problems, and sometimes the more we try, or try to help, the worse it gets for us.
Please don't get caught up in the guilt trips. Try letting them go, and let the family work out whatever problems they are causing themselves. It's hard... I know! Seen my wife too many times trying to cope with it, before she finally realized what was happening to her. I do wish you the best of luck.

[DJ 'H']

It is hard. Especially if I have not seen my mum all day and she just starts yelling me about the stupidest of things. She seems to create the problems between her and I. I don't get it.

[phillysteakandcheese]

Sometimes it is useful to put some space and time between you and a family member that is being toxic.

If you distance yourself for a little while, and give them time to sort through their issues, things will hopefully be better once you're back.

If you're living at home, it is defeinitely the time to move out and be on your own.

[DJ 'H']

Sometimes it is useful to put some space and time between you and a family memeber that is being toxic.

If you distance yourself for a little while, and give them time to sort through their issues, things will hopefully be better once you're back.

If you're living at home, it is defeinitely the time to move out and be on your own.

I did some food shopping for her & the family yesterday (because she had no money to buy any food) and I looked after my little bro whilst she went out for a bit. She was fine then, but it's when I say I can't look after my bro for her she flips her lid.

I am trying to move out, but trying to find somewhere I can afford is not easy.

[kp2171]

Sorry to hear this.

Your mother may just be confiding in another person going through the same thing. Misery loves company, ja know. Could be more. Maybe not. Wish I had an answer.

I'm so not siding with your mother and how she's treating you, but I'll say that going though a marriage separation is bad enough. $$$ problems can make a bad situ worse. Not your fault. You should't get the heat. But she's just going to be nuts for a time.

Best thing you can do is be strong for your brother. Do what you can to make him know you're there for him. Be a little forgiving with your ma, but don't be a doormat.

My wife's friend went absolutely nuts for 2 years after her husband left. She's still not happy, but its better. We were worried her yougest daughter would suffer through it all, but she seemed to get through it.

So I don't know if any of this helps at all. If you cannot move out now then set yourself up a list of goals. What things do you need to get from here to there. How much money do you need. How will you go about getting it. By seeing yourself accomplish a few steps along the way you may not get so frustrated about not being able to get out now, and you might make it happen sooner with written out goals and actions to achieve them.

And keep in mind that this will pass in time. May be a while, but you know the person your mother was before. She's still there. Just crazy with all of the noise going on.

[DJ 'H']

sorry to hear this.

your mother may just be confiding in another person going through the same thing. misery loves company, ja know. could be more. maybe not. wish i had an answer.

im so not siding with your mother and how shes treating you, but i'll say that going though a marriage separation is bad enough. $$$ problems can make a bad situ worse. not your fault. you should't get the heat. but shes just going to be nuts for a time.

best thing you can do is be strong for your brother. do what you can to make him know youre there for him. be a little forgiving with your ma, but dont be a doormat.

my wifes friend went absolutely nuts for 2 years after her husband left. shes still not happy, but its better. we were worried her yougest daughter would suffer through it all, but she seemed to get through it.

so i dunno if any of this helps at all. if you cannot move out now then set yourself up a list of goals. what things do you need to get from here to there. how much money do you need. how will you go about getting it. by seeing yourself accomplish a few steps along the way you may not get so frustrated about not being able to get out now, and you might make it happen sooner with written out goals and actions to achieve them.

and keep in mind that this will pass in time. may be a while, but you know the person your mother was before. shes still there. just crazy with all of the noise going on.

Thank you for being so understanding. This is the second time I have had to go through this. I am finding it harder as an adult than I did when I was a child the first time round.

Buit I will most certainly take your advice ;)