[dodgenthrutown]

:confused: I know this is sure to get some negative comments, need only serious advise please!
I've been married AND FAITHFULL for the last five years. Prior to our marriage, we were together for 10 years. Lately, for a long time actually, I feel like my husband doesn't "give" to the relationship as he should. Won't work consistently, never has. He is a roofer and doesn't alway's have work to do... sleeps most of the day away while I'm at work, has his dad help pay the bills, has his friends over to our house almost every night to "hang out". And to top it off, his dad keeps moving in/out of our home as he is having marital problems. I mean, his dads great & all, I just didn't want to live with him.
I feel like I have tried everything to keep this family going. I quit my last job of 9 years as admin. asst. in hopes that he would pick up the slack and start working full time. It never happened, I was off for 3 years and ended up having to file bankruptcy. Now I have a new job at a law firm and since I've began back to work, it's really been hard for me to continue on like this. Trouble is, we have 2 kids and I, coming from a divorced family, don't want the same for my kids. They are 15/12.
I think he is more dependent on me than in love with me. He say's I mean the world to him. People joke about him being with me 24/7 as he can't stand to be away from me, even if were doing nothing like now... he's sleeping.
He is also on medication for anxiety, this happened last year, and every time I try to talk to him about what I think are problems - he pulls the old anxiety out on me saying that I am going to cause him more health problems if I keep nagging on him!
Anywone have any good advise, I could sure use it.

[Fr_Chuck]

Tell him to get off his lazy rear and get a job, I think McDonalds is hiring. Give him a time frame to have work and basically tell him there is no reason he can't work, and if he don't, he can go live with his dad.

He will live off you and lay around the house for the rest of his life if you let him. The longer he does this the harder it is to get him back to work.

He has a medical condition known as "lazy"

Next his frineds can meet as his dads house if they want, but not at your home every night, he is pushing your around because you have allowed it to happen.

I could give him a reason to have some anxeity, go to work or move out.

[fredg]

Hi, Dodge,
OK, this is serious, and you will eventually have to decide whether to stay with him.
I was divorced after 7 yrs of marriage, with two small children, and it was the best thing that every happened; both for me and the children, even with them being in custody of my ex wife! Since than, have re-married, now for 29 years!
Nagging him? It really sounds like he doesn't want to improve himself, or improve his work capabilities. And his Dad is adding to your problems also?
I have two suggestions:
1. Talk with him about going to a Professional Marriage Counselor with you, and both of you try working out these problems, together with a counselor.
2. If he won't go with you, (and the chances seem to be slim and none), then you have two options; one, stay with him and continue living in the same situations. Or, two, see a lawyer, have Separation Papers drawn up (if applicable in your State).

You have already given "your all" to this marriage. Quitting a 9 yr job as Amin. Assist, was a bad idea, as I am sure you know now. Also, you had to file bankruptcy. Again, you have given everything you can, and now are supporting this man, and his Dad.
There is nothing left for you to give. I would seriously consider Divorce, and move on for your own happiness.

[Chery]

Life is hard for many of us, with the world and personal situations for almost everyone up in the air and not as certain as most of us have planned.

There are some things under our control and some not.
What you have been doing is almost being an 'enabler' to him and a crutch. Now that you are no longer in the mood for this stereotyped part in your life, and want to do something to change it, you either have to console yourself with continuous guilt feelings he puts on you or make plans for you and your children.

The children are more important and if they live in a 'divorced' family - but in harmony and peace - then this will benefit them more than staying in a limbo of insecurity for the remainder of their lives.
This is something you cannot control all the way, but you can look at options open for all of you and change what you need to to make things fall more harmonious.

So do what you can, make plans for a potentially calm future for you and the children if he does not want to change.

Remember, you cannot change other's - only yourself. And you are responsible for the future of your children and therefore must look at the best options for you to take to ensure their wellbeing.


I wish you all the luck in the world, and hope you find a happy resolution to your dilemma.

[talaniman]

As the breadwwinner in the family you can make the rules and enforce them and anyone that doesn't like it can leave! Lay down the law and stick to your guns!:cool: :eek:

[Wildcat21]

This joker needs to get off his ***!! I like the time frame thing.

Thsiis really unhealthy. You need to set your foot down and put this joker in his place - NOW! He is toally take nadvantage of you.

I actually would advise to move on!!

[CaptainForest]

Together for 10 yrs, then decide to get married. Why? At that point, you already had 2 kids, aged 10 and 7…so why get married?

That being said, make him get a job.

You quit a 9 yr job to motivate him? What were you thinking??

Give him a choice, get a job or get out.

You say you come from a divorced home and don't want that for your kids. I can understand that. But look at it this way…you are TEACHING your kids, through example, that it is okay for a man to be lazy and expect the wife to provide everything. Is that the lesson you want to teach your kids?