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tjnn · May 31, 2008, 01:00 PM

So I have been in a horrible relationship for 10 years. I have been physically, emotionally and verbally abused. I have one child from this relationship. I am 27 years old now. We have been broken up for a good while now, but he still loves to threaten me constantly, expsecialy about being with someone else. I don't want to be with him anymore, but sometimes I think that there is no one else out there for me and think maybe I should just try and work things out with him. So what this is all getting too is, there's this great guy at my work, I've never talked to him. Were in different departments, but he seems nice and cute, although I don't know him personally. I don't know how to talk to him or approach him, I'm so shy. And I feel like he's noticing me cause we always make eye contact and he smiles at me if we happen to walk past each other. But in all this time he's never asked me anything or even tried to talk to me. Also in this past year, no one has ever asked me out. Im a nice girl, people tell me I'm pretty all the time and that I could model, but yet no one seems interested in me. No one asks me out, or even tries to talk to me. I don't act snobby or anything. So what's the problem. I feel like even though people have told me I'm pretty, maybe I'm not, cause why is no one asking me out. I feel down, cause I know the realtioship I was in is NO GOOD, and I deserve way better, but how am I ever going to get a date if no one wants to talk to me, and I'm so shyyyyyyyyy... that if there is even advice on how to not be shy would be fantastic. PLEASE ANYONE, HELP ME, I really feel like crap.

Fr_Chuck · May 31, 2008, 01:23 PM

First no, never go back to an abusive relationship, they will use threats even now in an attempt to control you. So cut off all contact with them, use an attorney if you have to contact him, Require that a third party pick up or bring back the kids, So just don't give him a chance to get to you, You take control, don't care what he wants.

And if you are shy, often you just don't get into situations to get to know people. So go talk to this other man Monday, just chat with him, or what the heck, ask him for coffee, You take control of your life.

chuff · May 31, 2008, 02:41 PM

People not asking you based on your looks, good or bad, is kind of irrelevant. I've dated both and to be honest kind of enjoy not dealing with "entitlement" drama that comes with women who are extremely good looking. The reason I bring that up is, I'm not saying you are like this, but perhaps people are confusing your shyness with being to good for anybody else and refusing to talk to them.

As for how you overcome this shyness, I might suggest you use it to your advantage. Ask this guy you are interested in how he would overcome shyness? Tell him that sometimes you feel like you can't say what you want and see what his response is. This way you are not directly asking him out or even flirting with him, but you are laying down the groundwork for why you haven't moved this forward sooner. Maybe he will take the clue and take it from there. Best of all, you are being totally honest with him

JBeaucaire · May 31, 2008, 03:35 PM

I know I can see a "dark cloud" over you just from reading your post. Maybe you carry that cloud around and don't even notice.

Guys are always attracted to outgoing, confident, busy and involved girls. Your self-assurance is actually refreshing and makes them happier just being around it. Then they want to date it... marry it. You get the idea.

Shyness is understandable, but that only refers to your direct approach to asking others out. It shouldn't apply to your approach to YOUR life. Get busy, get involved, volunteer, build, dream, travel, join up, lead, follow, fill your days with joyous activity.

Once you've done THAT, look around. Aren't there a lot of prospects around you now?

talaniman · Jun 1, 2008, 08:35 AM

Very insightful posts fellows. And as I was reading the OP, my first thought was not shyness, but fear of making a mistake, or a decision.
Overcome both fears just by saying hello, how are you with a smile. Love yourself enough to be patient, and proactive in pursuing your own happiness.

You don't need a man to be happy. When your happy and healthy, thats the kind of man you will attract, and he will want to share happiness with you, so don't be in a hurry, or settle for less.

I also hope you have someone to talk to to reconcile your past, and move forward with confidence to build a healthy happy life.