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firmbeliever · May 31, 2008, 12:32 PM

I have met only one person, a girl who used to cut herself often.
She was getting help,but now and then I would see new cuts on her wrists.I have seen her use even blunt stones or plastic pieces to cut herself.
At that time she was in a facility getting help so she did not have any sharp items she could use.
I never knew why she started it.

Why did you first start cutting?Was it accidental,experimental?

I want to understand what exactly is a cutter looking for when he/she cuts herself?
Is it a numbness or is it reliving some sort of pain from the past?

What exactly do you feel?Is there a low or high before,during or after the cut?
And do you always feel the same feeling or is it like drugs where you need more than before to get to where you were the first time you cut yourself?

I am sorry to all those for whom this might open old memories of pain,but I do wish to understand what it is about cutting that so many youngsters seem to be doing it.

I see the posts on this site,wanting to stop but being unable to.And I see young girls in my own community with bandages on their wrists which I am sure all are not accidents.

Thank you in advance.

savedsinner7 · May 31, 2008, 04:44 PM

The first time I cut I was 13. Last day of school, felt like my life was over. Had been date raped by boy and then rumors spread about me. I cut for several years. Wanted to escape living. Wanted to die, but not really. I think that what I really wanted was to know that someone cared and that I mattered to someone. I cut to feel. I had deadened my emotions to only feel pain. The physical pain of cutting was only an outlet for the emotional pain. Cutting led to other means of escape: drugs, alcohol, sex...

My relief came in meeting the One Who Saves Me--Jesus. I have someone that knows my pain and loves me in spite of all the hurt I've felt. He will never leave me and will always be there for me. Have not cut since early 20's, I'm 36 now.

firmbeliever · May 31, 2008, 04:48 PM

Sorry to hear you had go through such devastating times.

Thank you for sharing,I know it must be hard for you.

savedsinner7 · May 31, 2008, 07:33 PM

You know, everything I have gone through has brought me closer to my God. Everything I have gone through has given me the strength to help another through the same kind of situation. For all of the hurt that I felt at the time, I would not change the past because I am strong today. I know who I am and who my God is.

firmbeliever · Jun 6, 2008, 11:05 AM

Saved,

If you do not mind answering I would like to know what it was that you looked for as you harmed yourself?
Was it paint or something more?

savedsinner7 · Jun 9, 2008, 03:38 PM

I guess I was looking for something real, and pain is a connection to reality. My world was so messed up that I couldn't deal. I looked for attention, and I got it. I think I really wanted an end to the emotional pain and torment that I had. Physical pain distracted me from the emotional pain.

firmbeliever · Jun 9, 2008, 10:02 PM

Did anyone know about your pain?How do they help you or was what they tried to do helpful?

savedsinner7 · Jun 13, 2008, 08:37 PM

I really didn't have anyone that I trusted to talk to. I did act out though, and eventually by high school my teacher and school nurse caught on. Wanted me to spend 30 days in treatment. Refused that. I guess from there I went deep into the drugs and sex to hide and numb the hurt inside.

If I'm truly honest, I'm still running from the pain. I know that if I let my Jesus into the hurt, he will heal it. I think I'm afraid to give up my lifetime of feeling the victim and really be free. It's the embracing the unknown that takes a leap of faith.

Credendovidis · Jun 23, 2008, 03:51 AM

Originally Posted by savedsinner7

I guess I was looking for something real, and pain is a connection to reality. My world was so messed up that I couldn't deal. I looked for attention, and I got it.

Seems to me that people who cut themselves simply fail to cope with the general pressure that life puts on them. And specially added religious doubts, fears, and demands exacerbate that pressure even further, and can trigger this strange phenomena of cutting oneself to either end one's life, or drawing attention on oneself.

:rolleyes:

·

N0help4u · Jun 23, 2008, 05:53 AM

The reasons I have heard cutters say they cut are
They feel they deserve the pain and/or
The physical pain numbs the emotional pain

firmbeliever · Jun 23, 2008, 09:39 AM

Originally Posted by Credendovidis

Seems to me that people who cut themselves simply fail to cope with the general pressure that life puts on them. And specially added religious doubts, fears, and demands exacerbate that pressure even further, and can trigger this strange phenomena of cutting oneself to either end one's life, or drawing attention on oneself.

:rolleyes:

·

I am not sure I understand why religious doubts would add to it?