[lordv]

So this will be a bit of a long read, I'll probably catch some heat on this situation but id still like to get some other people's perspectives.

So were to begin.

So I met this girl when I first started my new job. She was married. She still is. She is also 35 and I'm 25. Really connected well with her and became pretty good friends, however she would always flirt with me and I would flirt back with her, thinking it somewhat harmless.

So one day a little over a year latter I'm just teasing her and flirting with her as always about kissing me, and she acctully says OK, so I go into her office thinking she wasn't serious and we acctully kissed, for along time, by far the most passionate kiss I've ever had with anyone.

Next it esclated even further, with her starting saying she wasn't sure why she was doing this but she couldn't stop it felt right. We were finding time anywere and everywere too see each other, sneaking around at work etc. So started spending even more time togther, talking day and night just about except when she couldn't because of her husband, I ended up going over her house and we "Sealed the deal" and had kind of fooled around before that. Tons of amazing sex to follow after that. I started to realize I really liked her and fell in love with her, she told me she loved me and of course I was eager to tell her the same thing (like 3-4 weeks in, very fast) She gave me more compliments then anyone ever has, I've been complimented head to toe, told I was absolutely amazing, told I was the best sex she ever had and got her to do things no one ever has, told I was the one, told no one has ever treated her so good, told she felt passion for me like she has never felt before and that I treated her like a princess (She treated me like a king and then some).

So this went on for about a month and I chatted her one day at the end of work (She can work from home) and didn't respond. I figured no big deal she was busy or whatever, she was going to come over to my house for a few hours the next day in the morning anyway.

The next thing I know about 8:00am in the morning she calls me histarical and told me her husband had found our chat log and knew (It had everything in it, from sex, kids, love, marriage, everything we could have possibley discussed). She ended up coming over that day and spent the next 4-5 days with me, she also was staying over a good girlfriends of hers every couple of days when she wasn't with me.

We started spending almost every day togther, days when I was off she would come work from my house and spend the entire day with me if not the night too.

I introduced her to almost my entire family, my friends met her and everyone got along very well etc, we planned on getting an townhouse since she was kicked out of the house anyway (Husband took all pictures off the wall, was hideing her stuff, punched holes in the doors and hid her wedding ring, not that id let her wear it anyways)

Fast forward a few more weeks she flew out for her brothers graduation to meet her family for that, told them the whole story, some of them told her to reconsider (Not totally sure why, assuming the age thing I didn't divulge into it too much, she does make double the amount of money I do but I don't make bad money by any means)

Ever since she got back from then things kind of went downhill a bit. Not to the point were it was bad and she was still great and spending a lot of time with me , but I started noticing small things that she used to do that she wasn't anymore, I asked her if everything was okay and if anything had changed and she stated no they hadn't and she still felt the same way.

Fast forward a few more weeks, she started to grown more distant, I could tell something was going on and talked to her about it a lot and she said nothing was up I could tell, then this Tuesday she said she would call me in the morning, she didn't I signed in to msn messenger to talk to her and she signed right out. We use Yahoo messenger to send text messages and she wasn't signed into that at all. I called her after she got off work and she didn't answer. I called her again about 20 min latter and my call was rejected, so I left her a voicemail saying hey how you doing how's your day going, haven't heard from you gimmie a call etc.

I get a text message from her about 8:00pm that night saying hi, she was going to her friends sons baseball game (hes like 8) and she wanted to talk to me latter. From that I knew that she was going to say something like "She wanted a break" or something of the sort.

Finally, she gives me a call about 10:00 and tells me that she wants to take a break. That she just wants to put everything on Pause that everything was moving so fast. Here is a list of things she said.

- She needs to make sure she is making the right choice (She was going to get a divorce for me)
-When she is around me all she can think about is me I consume her every second and she needs to have a clear head and not be around anyone right now to sort things out, she is feeling a lot of guilt and hurt and wants to make sure she doesn't make the wrong choice again.
- She still loves me
- She doesn't want to lose me
- She doesn't want us to see other people
- She still wants to be boyfriend/girlfriend (I know she's married crazy)
- She also doesn't want to have any communication
- She is not trying to get back with her husband

I asked her for how long she thinks she needs, she said she didn't know she didn't think that far ahead, I said how about two weeks and we can go from there and see how we are each feeling, she said that sounds good.


I was calm when she told me all of this until the end then I started to break down and cry (Kind of regret that now feel I should have manned up, it's happened a few times before too... )

This is one girl I really don't want to loose and I just want to make sure that after going through all of this and wrecking someone's marriage I don't lose her.

My thoughts are to just give her 2 weeks of absolute space and not talk to her at all and wait to see if she contacts me at all, its breaking my heart though to do this and part of me wants to at least say a causal "Hi how is your day going" every once in awhile.

Thanks for reading all of this and any advice you can offer. Yes I know, I will probably burn in hell for this. Or maybe just karma will come back to bite me or is right now. :(

[starlite1]

Hi LordV,

I know you are hurting... and I know you and she might be feeling some guilt. My suggestion is to give her the space she needs, and during this time away, you should do some thinking as well. I know you love her, and she loves you, by what you wrote that seems obvious. But... because she is/was married, she has to get her bearings... I think after two weeks, by all means send her a text/e-mail/call and see how SHE is doing. The best course of action at this juncture is to let her know that you are there for her, and if she still needs her space, give it to her. I know the passion and feelings that you two have for each other are strong, but because she is going to go through a divorce, it is going to be a lot for her to go through. She must get that all sorted out first, before you two can continue... be there as best you can for her, feel her out, but let her have the space she needs.

Keep us all posted, okay? And let us know how you are doing.

[lordv]

Hi LordV,

I know you are hurting....and I know you and she might be feeling some guilt. My suggestion is to give her the space she needs, and during this time away, you should do some thinking as well. I know you love her, and she loves you, by what you wrote that seems obvious. But....because she is/was married, she has to get her bearings...I think after two weeks, by all means send her a text/e-mail/call and see how SHE is doing. The best course of action at this juncture is to let her know that you are there for her, and if she still needs her space, give it to her. I know the passion and feelings that you two have for each other are strong, but because she is going to go through a divorce, it is going to be a lot for her to go through. She must get that all sorted out first, before you two can continue....be there as best you can for her, feel her out, but let her have the space she needs.

Keep us all posted, okay? And let us know how you are doing.

I been doing pretty crappy after hearing that but feeling better today, your right I love her tremendously.

I totally plan on giving her the space and let her sort things out but just not sure how often I should check up on her and let her know I'm still there, love her etc. I was thinking I would give her a call next Tuesday which would be 7 days of not talking to her. Maybe once a week, I just don't want to invade her space or if it should be sooner or just wait the 2 weeks?

Thanks again, your advice is much appreciated.

[lordv]

I called her Sunday, left a brief message saying "Just calling to see how you are doing, if you want to call me back in the next few days you can, just checking up on you, bye"

Haven' heard from her still yet.

Anymore advice from anyone else?

[talaniman]

Give her what she asked for and leave her alone.

She has another boy toy to play with and sorry your out, hope you enjoyed being used for a good time.

Don't feel bad, she seduced and used you, and has probably done it a few times before, so how about wising up, and see it for what it is, and it ain't love and it won't last.

Stay away from married women that are older than you, and get your head back to the real world.

[lordv]

Just an update. She chatted me yesterday.

She asked if I was free this weekend to talk.
I told her I could meet her Saturday, suggested that we meet at my house.

She said that would be fine as long as no one will be there.

Meeting her after work at my house today.

Will decide what to do today...

[starlite1]

Hi LordV,

Okay,. try and be strong! Good Luck, and keep us posted.

[lordv]

She came back, however before I would let her come back. There were some questions that MUST be answered, and were.


Such as.

If you cheated on him why will I be any different.
Why did you do this to him.
Why do you want to divorce him.
Why were you un-happy
You know this is wrong yet you did it anyway why? (Yes wrong on my part too and something I need to figure out why I was willing to do it too, that does say something)
Are you willing to do whatever it takes to earn my trust and respect.
Why did you try to work it out with him, or at least tell him and do the right thing?
You want to divorce him for your own reasons or because of me?
If she ever tries to take a break again, it's over. Period, this was a one time exception.

She has also been seeing a therapist to iron out these problems, she knows she made a mistake (doing it the wrong way, not saying I haven't too, I have and will go talk to a therapist) and wants to understand why so it doesn't happen again

[Poseidon934]

You're asking all the right questions and I think you are being fair in saying no more breaks. The rule of thumb is that if they cheat on you they will cheat on you. Hopefully that is not true in this case, but she has to prove herself... tread with caution but give her the benefit of the doubt... furthermore sometimes relationships that start too passionately inevitably because long term there is no way that the level of passion can be maintained, and then when it comes down the relationship doesn't seem so special and strong comparatively... she seems to be the type that gets caught up in her emotions, but it is a good sign that she is in therapy and willing to work on her issues too.

[Romefalls19]

This post is very old, please watch the dates before posting on these.

Thanks!