[snuffy]

Hi everybody,

So, I am feeling incredibly despondent and depressed at the moment over the whole situation with my pregnant ex-girlfriend.

I have been brooding over a few things lately and the whole thing has gotten on top of me.

On the one hand, I have heard reports that her friends believe she WILL get with me after baby is born. I have cautiously disregarded it, and don't believe it and I am grateful for manys' advice on here on being wary of what I hear through the 'grapevine.'

On the other hand there has just been a continuation of the coldness toward me and total and utter diregard for my feelings and concerns. Do I not count? Am I just a sperm donor who is to be given no respect?

So the latest in a huge series of hostile and disrespectful events toward me, was only last week in which I was told by her older sister that the baby's head is not in the right position to be born and that the hospital is highly concerned about this development.

Why was I not even informed, it is not much to say. It would not have overly worried me.

I think a minimum courtesy would be to keep me posted, even just the briefest of updates would be nice. What makes it hurt and sting even more is that I tried calling (before I knew about this) just to be polite and say 'how are things.' The reply to me was 'why do you want to ring me.'

I simply replied that 'it doesn't matter I was just wanting to say hi and see how things are going, hope you are OK.'

So, she still didn't feel the need to inform me.


Baby is due in 2 weeks. I get the feeling somehow (and my intuition is seldom wrong) that when she goes into labour I am not even going to be informed. I feel that the whole thing is going to be conducted totally behind my back.


So the speculation by her friends that it is 'just her hormones' and that she will get with me after baby is born seems totally unfounded and wide of thE mark.


Here is my theory on what has happened, after mulling it over: I really suspect the following has happened; and this would explain her behaviour:

• She may have been sleeping with me and another person at the same time
  
  She is unsure of whose this baby is. Cannot pinpoint merely by the dates
  
  Hence the dumping me and given me no opportunity to sort it out
  
  The nastiness toward me despite my being nothing but helpful at every given opportunity. And I have done exactly what she wanted and backed off.
  
  She insisted this baby is mine and on one occassion (when drunk) kept repeating it despite me not questioning it once.
  
  Possibly she is gambling on the chance that it is mine. Keep me at arms length in case it turns out to be not mine. I've already been distanced in case of this eventuality.
  
  If it is mine, lucky escape for her, then she may try to get back with me, and simply claim that she was messed up with hormones.
  
  

I canno think of any other explanation for this. Our relationship was not hideously bad. It had its downs, which were solely caused by her cheating when she was with me.

I have had 8 months of hell, and for absolutely nothing that I have done.



I am absolutely fed up, depressed and sick of this situation.


Whatever her reasons, whether my little theory is right or wrong, her behavior towards me has been disgusting and appaling. I can see this clearly.


The most depressing part is there is no possible happy ending here, is there? I'm not claiming that I am the most unfortunate person in the world, but my situation is abject.

I'm so low about all of this. Can't see the positivity at all. Even of we don't get together I will be a good dad to this baby (if he is mine) but I can only see her doing her utmost to prevent me from being a good dad.


I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT AT ALL.

Yours, severely depressed

Snuffy

[talaniman]

Hey Snuff, glad to see your starting to see things in a clear logical way, as there are to many assumptions, and unknowns to have a really clear course of action, until this child is born and given her attitude, and actions leaving her alone is the wise course of action.

Whatever her reasons, whether my little theory is right or wrong, her behavior towards me has been disgusting and appaling. I can see this clearly.

No excuse for this behavior, but pregnant women are... (no known word to describe them)

The most depressing part is there is no possible happy ending here, is there?

If its yours, the courts will make you an awesome responsible father, that's a very happy ending.

I'm not claiming that I am the most unfortunate person in the world, but my situation is abject.

Until the child is born and paternity is established, you may be in limbo and a little afraid of the unknown, but if you leave her alone and relax some, you'll be okay. Your to good of a guy not to be.

[tjplayer]

There could be many reasons she is acting like this. She is about to have a baby, she may be thinking of how she will support this child, will she be a good mother, should she put it up for adoption, who's the father if you are right or many other things. How is her family treating her? She also has hormones and is probably getting scared as time gets close. You may be right, but you may be wrong. If you go making a scene you may ruin your future with her, since you really are not sure what's going on. If I were you I would chill, quite worrying about your feelings and start thinking about her and your child, because right now there is nothing saying it is not yours. You said her sister had told you about the head, well maybe you could talk to her and see if she knows what's up and also see if she would let you know when she goes into labor. After the baby is born, then you can try and see what's going to happen, but also remember that she will still have crazy hormones then to. If all else fells you can get a lawyer and request a paternity test and go from there. I hope this helps and please remember this is just my opinion. Also you have made it this long why not stick it out and keep the waters calm for a few more weeks. Good luck and best wishes to the baby.

[alwaystrue]

You mainly need to worried about the baby and when the baby's born get a test, that all.

[snuffy]

There could be many reasons why she is acting like this. She is about to have a baby, she may be thinking of how she will support this child, will she be a good mother, should she put it up for adoption, who's the father if you are right or many other things. How is her family treating her? She also has hormones and is probably getting scared as time gets close. You may be right, but you may be wrong. if you go making a scene you may ruin your future with her, since you really are not sure whats going on. If I were you I would chill, quite worrying about your feelings and start thinking about her and your child, because right now there is nothing saying it is not yours. You said her sister had told you about the head, well maybe you could talk to her and see if she knows whats up and also see if she would let you know when she goes into labor. After the baby is born, then you can try and see whats going to happen, but also remember that she will still have crazy hormones then to. If all else fells you can get a lawyer and request a paternity test and go from there. I hope this helps and please remember this is just my opinion. Also you have made it this long why not stick it out and keep the waters calm for a few more weeks. Good luck and best wishes to the baby.

Hi TJPlayer,

First of all thank you for replying and taking the time to offer your opinions and advice, I really appreciate other people giving me a perspective.

What is unescapable is the fact that over the last 8 months I have indeed had nothing but caring thoughts about this girl and tried to empathise with what she is going through being pregnant. I fully understand that the hormones and changed psychological and physical state will make her feel awful and mixed up.

I have, on every given occasion, showed this girl that I care deeply about her and her unborn baby and showed her the utmost respect that she deserves for (1) being a young human being and (2) a pregnant girl at a delicate, young age [18].

A read through all of my previous posts will show you that I have offered her a full guarantee that I will be wholly supportive, helpful , loving and caring and most of all, deeply respectful to her and for what she is going through.

I have thought every possible scenario and every possibl reason for her repeated nasty behaviour toward me, and I am afraid that I do not buy it that it is merely down to age and hormones. It goes much deeper than that.

Even prior to her becoming pregnant, I posted on here about her having an ex boyfriend appearing ather doorstep for no apparent reason at 2am on a Saturday morning, and other bizarre behaviour as well as her cheating on me at least on ne occasion that she admitted.

So, in view of the fact that I have continued to take all of this bull, and I am not exxagerating about the extent of it, despite me being dumped, despite me being graceful in the face of everything, despite being told baby is not having my name, despite being told that I will not se ethe baby after he is born (totally unprovoked) as well as countless other things I have posted here.

Something does not add up. At all. I am being treated as if it were me doing all the nasty stuff to her, and as if it were her that had been whiter than white and good to me; which was patently NOT the case.

I know various people who have been pregnant and even every woman I speak to who has been pregnant has said that while they were why at times, they would never have acted the way she has done toward me. Not in a million years.

[snuffy]

You mainly need to worried about the baby and when the baby's born get a test, that all.

I agree, fully.

But, when I propose taking this DNA test, which I am sure you agree is necessary just to be sure, I know the kind of reaction I will get.

And assuming it is mine, which may be more luck than judgement if she's been playing around, then I will have more hell to look forward to. Even though it is nothing other than reasonable that I question the paternity.

After all, if he is my baby it makes no difference to my relationship with the ex, and I will be a great father.

But she will not see it quite the same way will she?

What intrigues me, is why the hell I have had this persistent crap from her. It is not acceptable in any way shape or form, and hormones do not make the EXTENT of the abuse in any way justifiable.

[ordinaryguy]

What intrigues me, is why the hell I have had this persistent crap from her. It is not acceptable in any way shape or form, and hormones do not make the EXTENT of the abuse in any way justifiable.

What I'm getting from all your posts is that what's uppermost on your mind is the persistently crappy way she's treating you. I encourage you to change the focus of your attention away from her and how she's treating you, and toward the baby. Your relationship with your child (if it turns out to be yours) is the only one that really matters.

Ultimately, it doesn't matter why she's being so unreasonably crappy to you. She is, and you might as well accept it, because the chances that you will be able to convince her to treat you better are slim to none. Just accept that you may have to work out co-parenting arrangements with an unreasonable and hateful woman. Yeah, it sucks, if that's what happens, but in that case, family court and the legal system is the protector and enforcer of your paternal rights, so you need to get good at using it.

It doesn't matter what kind of fit she throws about the court-ordered paternity test, she'll have to comply. It doesn't matter what kind of fit she throws about having to allow you court-ordered visitation rights, she'll have to comply. It doesn't matter what kind of fit she throws about the court-ordered level of child support you pay, she'll have to accept it. Yes, if she's determined, she can make your life a lot more unpleasant than it would have to be, but the only thing you can control is your own behavior. The best you can do is to stay focused on being the best father you can, while giving her as little attention as you can.

If you don't already have one, get a lawyer who specializes in family law immediately and have a court order for the paternity test ready to serve on her the minute the baby is born.

[talaniman]

This is a long on going story,
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search...archid=2829148

[bigbird213]

Snuffy,

I'm not sure I read all of your story, but I have seen a good amount of it (I believe).

The first thing I want to say is that I am impressed with the maturity and caring that you seem to show. You come across to me as a very intelligent and well rounded individual and I am sure that you will come out on top. You have put a lot of thought and effort into this and whatever happens will be for the best.

That being said, No matter the outcome of the situation, I think you need to agree that you need to distance yourself from this woman. A few questions that I have (and I apologize if they have been answered) are:
Do you really think this woman will be a good mother for the child?
If she had a 'change of heart' would you consider getting back together with her?

The way I see it, she does not deserve you. You have put so much time and effort and your own blood sweat and tears into this and got nothing in return. You deserve much better.

I do agree though, the baby is the most important thing at this time and you need to wait until it is born, find out who the father is then continue from there.

As for asking for the DNA test, who is she to say anything. She broke up with you, so it isn't as if she can get angry with you.

[guttedone]

Hi everybody,

So, I am feeling incredibly despondent and depressed at the moment over the whole situation with my pregnant ex-girlfriend.

I have been brooding over a few things lately and the whole thing has gotten on top of me.

On the one hand, I have heard reports that her friends believe she WILL get with me after baby is born. I have cautiously disregarded it, and don't believe it and I am grateful for manys' advice on here on being wary of what I hear through the 'grapevine.'

On the other hand there has just been a continuation of the coldness toward me and total and utter diregard for my feelings and concerns. Do I not count? Am I just a sperm donor who is to be given no respect??

So the latest in a huge series of hostile and disrespectful events toward me, was only last week in which I was told by her older sister that the baby's head is not in the right position to be born and that the hospital is highly concerned about this development.

Why was I not even informed, it is not much to say. It would not have overly worried me.

I think a minimum courtesy would be to keep me posted, even just the briefest of updates would be nice. What makes it hurt and sting even more is that I tried calling (before I knew about this) just to be polite and say 'how are things.' The reply to me was 'why do you want to ring me.'

I simply replied that 'it doesn't matter i was just wanting to say hi and see how things are going, hope you are ok.'

So, she still didn't feel the need to inform me.


Baby is due in 2 weeks. I get the feeling somehow (and my intuition is seldom wrong) that when she goes into labour I am not even going to be informed. I feel that the whole thing is going to be conducted totally behind my back.


So the speculation by her friends that it is 'just her hormones' and that she will get with me after baby is born seems totally unfounded and wide of thE mark.


Here is my theory on what has happened, after mulling it over: I really suspect the following has happened; and this would explain her behaviour:

• She may have been sleeping with me and another person at the same time
  
  She is unsure of whose this baby is. Cannot pinpoint merely by the dates
  
  Hence the dumping me and given me no opportunity to sort it out
  
  The nastiness toward me despite my being nothing but helpful at every given opportunity. And I have done exactly what she wanted and backed off.
  
  She insisted this baby is mine and on one occassion (when drunk) kept repeating it despite me not questioning it once.
  
  Possibly she is gambling on the chance that it is mine. Keep me at arms length in case it turns out to be not mine. I've already been distanced in case of this eventuality.
  
  If it is mine, lucky escape for her, then she may try to get back with me, and simply claim that she was messed up with hormones.
  
  

I canno think of any other explanation for this. Our relationship was not hideously bad. It had its downs, which were solely caused by her cheating when she was with me.

I have had 8 months of hell, and for absolutely nothing that I have done.



I am absolutely fed up, depressed and sick of this situation.


Whatever her reasons, whether my little theory is right or wrong, her behavour towards me has been disgusting and appaling. I can see this clearly.


The most depressing part is there is no possible happy ending here, is there? I'm not claiming that I am the most unfortunate person in the world, but my situation is abject.

I'm so low about all of this. Can't see the positivity at all. Even of we dont get together I will be a good dad to this baby (if he is mine) but I can only see her doing her utmost to prevent me from being a good dad.


I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT AT ALL.

Yours, severely depressed

Snuffy

Ok Snuffy,

You need some straight talking and a bit of guidance in the right direction.. . So here goes...

Basically as I say to all the guys on here in similar situations 'you must always remember the golden rule and that is 'They only get one chance' Should your partner lie or cheat or generally make you feel and show you lack of respect then they are gone. RESPECT being the key word here!!

If you stick to this rule your life and your situation will all of a sudden become a lot clearer and very simple!

Without going into details I would say that your ex has lied a lot, cheated and shown you absolutely no respect whatsoever! YOU Don't NEED THIS IN YOUR LIFE... END OF!!

What's worse is that you moping around being all depressed and wallowing in self pity is basically showing yourself no SELF RESPECT!!

You must always have self respect and that means you must ALWAYS stick to the golden rule 'they only get one chance' SIMPLE. Your ex has basically treated you like a doormat and you have let her and what's even worse is that you have such little self respect that you allow her to still effect your life and are even talking about her getting back with you like that's what you want!!

Right here's what you do-

You don't give her the time of day again, people like her you don't need.

You wait till the baby is born and get a DNA test and see if its yours, if it is arrage to be able to see the kid if you want to, however you don't want to have anything to do with your ex just be polite and remember only the kid matters not her, she had her chance and showed what she thought of you.. . DOORMAT!

You climb out of this black hole that you are currently wallowing in and snap out of it!! You show a lot of self respect and always demand respect from others and ALWAYS stick to the golden rule. You will find that your life becomes a lot more simple.

Snuffy that is your situation sorted.. . See how easy it is.? That is what I would do and basically its because after all the bad things I've gone through I now have masses of self respect and demand self respect from others and ALWAYS ALWAYS stick to the golden rule!!

Just to clarify the golden rule is 'THEY ONLY GET ONE CHANCE'!!

[tjplayer]

I had not read all your story when first answered. Sorry for this but now, I see that she is out there. Yes she is going through a lot but still no reason for her actions. If I were you I would just see if the sister would let you know when she goes into labor and when the baby is born do not give it your last name, ( if it turns out to be yours then you can change the last name through a paper no big deal) then I would get a paternity test. Where if an unmarried mother goes to court for child support and the assumed father ask for a paternity test, one has to be given before child support can start and also if the child is not his then he does not have to pay any part of test cost. I really would get the test, You will always wonder no matter what state your relationship is in. I feel that she is distancing herself from you because she knows the baby may not be yours, and she should expect you to feel that way to since at least once you know of, she cheated on you. This relationship does not sound like it is good for either of you. You may love her completely but if she does not feel the same or treat you right you need to move on and find someone who does. You can still be a good father even without her. Good luck and best of wishes, and please remember that this is just my opinion.

[snuffy]

Snuffy,

I'm not sure I read all of your story, but I have seen a good amount of it (I believe).

The first thing I want to say is that I am impressed with the maturity and caring that you seem to show. You come across to me as a very intelligent and well rounded individual and I am sure that you will come out on top. You have put a lot of thought and effort into this and whatever happens will be for the best.

That being said, No matter the outcome of the situation, I think you need to agree that you need to distance yourself from this woman. A few questions that I have (and I apologize if they have been answered) are:
Do you really think this woman will be a good mother for the child?
If she had a 'change of heart' would you consider getting back together with her?

The way I see it, she does not deserve you. You have put so much time and effort and your own blood sweat and tears into this and got nothing in return. You deserve much better.

I do agree though, the baby is the most important thing at this time and you need to wait until it is born, find out who the father is then continue from there.

As for asking for the DNA test, who is she to say anything. She broke up with you, so it isn't as if she can get angry with you.

Hi thanks for your reply :)


I do not know if she will make a good mother to this baby. Only time will tell, I cannot make a prediction, though it is fair to say she has been selfish by drinking heavily throughout pregnancy. I suspect she has masive mental issues for even drinking when pregnant.

If she had a chang eof heart, and I cannot see it somehow, then I would still remain very wary of her, and there is absolutely not a chance in hell that I would get back with her if it means taking any kind of crap at all. I have had enough to last a lifetime.

I am deeply suspicious of her and too much hurt has been caused to simply forget. I guess I love her because she may be carrying my child.

I hate the fact that I may be in for months, possibly years of hell and a rocky road. Again, I have done nothing whatever to deserve it. I can only guess that the baby is not mine or may not be mine and that this is behind her strange and horrible behaviour.

Which, lets face it, if the baby turns out not to be mine, I will have had a lucky escape and the biggest lesson of my life to learn from. (Believe me I will no make the same mistake after this!)



I am thinking of going to see a lawyer this very week to get things in lace legally just in case I need to involve the courts.

If it is my baby then I think, having heard all the advice on here, and having gone with my intuition, that I should get my rights set in stone and with the full force of the courts. That way there can be no messing me about as such behaviour would entail legal sanctions against her.

Just a massive shame the way this whole thing has panned out, and as a human I have learnt an awful lot on how bad things can be. I guess I was naïve to start with and did not truly believe some of the bad stuff that I read about people's lives and relationships.

What is most sad about all of this is that it is a totally unprovoked series of disrespectful and hateful actions towards me, and that ultimately it is the baby who will suffer for (1) having no family at all when he is born, and (2) having a wedge driven between his relationship with hi smother and his father (if it is me) and possibly (3) not having me as his father, and perhaps never knowing who his father is.

What a poor unfortunate little soul. Really makes me sad.

[ordinaryguy]

I am thinking of going to see a lawyer this very week to get things in lace legally just in case I need to involve the courts.

You absolutely DO need to get a lawyer IMMEDIATELY if the baby is due in two weeks. The first order of business is to get a court order for the paternity test.

[snuffy]

Further update, yesterday morning I received a message via Facebook from her older sister. I don't know why exactly I got the email at this particular moment in time, but it was in response to the idea that I may well go for joint care of the child. (Note the word 'may' and that I have mentioned this to the ex girlfriend before.)

So here is the email she sent, (I have blanked out my name and put her name as [x].)


------------------------------------------------------------------------

U have disappointed me a lot ******, going for joint care well if that's what u want, go for it. U have shot yourself in foot really because [x] had already agreed to be very amicable with u in regards to the baby but who knows now she could just make it all very difficult, u would get no where until a judge says so n court hearings can take along time.

I feel u have been very sly and I hear u have been saying no one tells u anything well u don't ask n mayb if u rang [x] at a reasonable time instead of stupid hours and ask specific questions about the baby then u would know more.

[x] was well up for u having plenty of access with the baby when it suited u because she is aware you are supposedly going to be juggling law school as well.

I have told [x] if you are going to act like a sly selfish nob then to leave u to it and to have no contact with u until she gets a court letter saying so, which would mean u wouldn't be there at the birth and u wouldn't be registered on the birth certificate and u wouldn't c your baby but turns out [x] isn't as much as a as me and although your being this way still feels she needs to do the right thing by u n baby so u might have picked the right sister to walk all over but just remember she has got a great family who will support her all the way through this.

U should start thinking of your baby n not be thinking of ways to hurt my sister just cause she won't get back with u ******.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------


So, there it is!

The email continues in the same vein as the crappy behaviour I have been on the end of for the last 8 months.

The email essentially threatens me with not seeing my baby, or being on the birth certificate, precisely because I may seek to assure my rights in court. I hinted I may go for 50% (joint care, not full custody - so I don't see what the problem is).

The email accuses me of trying to hurt her. How can I be trying to hurt her?

The email says I am doing this because she won't get back with me. Again, wrong. I have no need to lie to you people on this website. I really don't want to be with her at all now. And regardless of that, being with her and asserting my right to see the baby are not linked anyway. I would insist on my rights even if we were together. It makes no odds to the matter.


So is this email an attack on me and a mere smokescreen to deflect the real issue. Namely that I am willing to go to court if I have to, to get 50% rights (this is what any reasonable man with common sense would do.)

It is so wrong in its idea that I almost find it preposterous. The baby is not my ex's 'possession.' And my rights to see this child do not stem from her permission to grant me access. Rather they are legal rights.


What's going on here??

Please advise. Snuffy x

[ordinaryguy]

And my rights to see this child do not stem from her permission to grant me access. rather they are legal rights.

What's going on here????

Please advise. Snuffy x

You're still obsessing about her and what she thinks and why she's acting like she is. SNAP OUT OF IT!!! Focus on the baby!! You have no parental rights unless a DNA test shows that you are the father. As I said before:

You absolutely DO need to get a lawyer IMMEDIATELY if the baby is due in two weeks. The first order of business is to get a court order for the paternity test.

And before that:

If you don't already have one, get a lawyer who specializes in family law immediately and have a court order for the paternity test ready to serve on her the minute the baby is born.

Have you done this yet? If not, you don't need any more advice.

[Chery]

As Talaniman said, you need to wait until you are proven legally to be the father before making any more 'threats' that big sister hears about. Apparently, they are of the impression that not all was right in this relationship, and will not listen to 'your side'. Tough luck - because at this time YOU and Your Side don't count!

If I were her sister, or mother, I would not give you a chance to get near her and I would fight you tooth and nail. Just for the plain fact that they don't believe that your concern is legitimate.

You need to really take a second look at your motives. At first, you stated that you really didn't care for her that much anymore, and worried if she would be a good mother. Face it, you lied to yourself. You are still upset that she cheated and upset that she dumped you - no matter for what reason she had. Do you seriously think that she or her family can trust your motives? And, do you really think that even if you got together for the child's sake, that it would get better? Get real.


Until all the facts are on the table, I suggest you leave her and the family alone and wait until she approaches you - if at all. If she does not, forget it and go on with your life - because I don't think you'd do the child any good either right now.

Sorry this is happening, but life is tough sometimes and we just have to accept it as is and not 'wish' it were as we want.

Deal with things in your life that you have control over, take a vacation, and concentrate on some peace of mind.

Good luck.

[talaniman]

Don't know why your even talking to them. Do what you must when the time comes and leave these crazy people alone. Everyone has been telling you this since the first post you made.

[snuffy]

As Talaniman said, you need to wait until you are proven legally to be the father before making any more 'threats' that big sister hears about. Apparently, they are of the impression that not all was right in this relationship, and will not listen to 'your side'. Tough luck - because at this time YOU and Your Side don't count!

If I were her sister, or mother, I would not give you a chance to get near her and I would fight you tooth and nail. Just for the plain fact that they don't believe that your concern is legitimate.

You need to really take a second look at your motives. At first, you stated that you really didn't care for her that much anymore, and worried if she would be a good mother. Face it, you lied to yourself. You are still upset that she cheated and upset that she dumped you - no matter for what reason she had. Do you seriously think that she or her family can trust your motives?? And, do you really think that even if you got together for the child's sake, that it would get better? Get real.


Until all the facts are on the table, I suggest you leave her and the family alone and wait until she approaches you - if at all. If she does not, forget it and go on with your life - because I don't think you'd do the child any good either right now.

Sorry this is happening, but life is tough sometimes and we just have to accept it as is and not 'wish' it were as we want.

Deal with things in your life that you have control over, take a vacation, and concentrate on some peace of mind.

Good luck.

I will go on record to say that this is the worst piece of advice I have ever heard from anybody, and is totally misguided and wrong on so many levels.

How can you suggest that I do not get in touch with the mother of my putative baby, next week after he is born? Do you seriously expect me to 'forget it and get on with my life?'

Possibly the shabbiest and crass advice I can imagine. How does one simply forget about the fact that he may have a son (I have certainly, categoriclly, in fact, been assured by her word that I am the father.) The first thing, is that I should take steps to determine that the baby, is indeed biologically mine.

I'm not sure how much of my history you have read about, but it seems you have missed a lot and have got the complete wrong end of the stick. My gripe is not with being dumped; I realise I am better off without her for many reasons.

My gripe is with being manipulated by this person, and of course with the level of abuse that has been thrown my way. Let's not forget that, far from pursue her or annoy her, I have taken a back seat and remained almost silent. All of these issues and threats toward me (not the other way round) are all instigated by her. What do you suggest I do about that, hey 'forget it and get on with your life like nothing has happened?! " Of course not, the mere suggestion is ridiculous and has deeply annoyed and angered me.


I have shown and proven my good pure intentions toward this child, and despite a hopeless situation I have vowed 100%, all the way, to be the best person I can. I fear for this child (more so if he is not mine in fact) because he is going to be brought up by a pretty horrible set of people, a mother who has abused alcohol while she is pregnant on a routine basis, and has proven her character by cheating on me while with me. Threats to 'make things difficult for me' are the tip of the iceberg and totally demonstrate the level of manipulation that is being used on me.


Meanwhile, you have the gall to tell me to 'leave them alone' as if I am the one doing the hurting and manipulating, and your best advice is that I just 'forget about it' as if this issue is a figment of my imagination.


I am all for fairness, equality and respect for people; it is a pity that she clearly is not, and by the sounds of it, judging by your poor advice, you have a somewhat different, and in my opinion, nefarious moral compass.


Yours angrily,

[snuffy]

Don't know why your even talking to them. Do what you must when the time comes and leave these crazy people alone. Everyone has been telling you this since the first post you made.

Talaniman,

I just want to put on record that I have not been talking to them whatsoever.

As my post states, she sent me an email, which I have not replied to at all. Rather I have kept it as more evidence that the intention is, doubtless, to manipulate me, and use the baby AGAINST me.

I wanted to update the board because the latest development was something that was sent to me. I have not contacted any of them or their friends AT ALL. Certainly not since at least 3 weeks ago when I made the opening post on this thread.

Kind Regards, and in appreciation of your advice and support,

Snuffy

[Chery]

more evidence that the intention is, doubtless, to manipulate me, and use the baby AGAINST me.

Snuffy

Your opinion and state of mind is respected as much as anyone else's dear, and I understand your anger.

You do see that however, her family has the upper hand right now, and that you don't have the safest attitude toward them. Unfortunately, they are also aware of your intentions of making your 'rights' known and whether your ideals of her questionable ability of being a good mother are founded, she is the mother and she does have her family to back her up - justified or not.

So, whether you contacted her or not, very negative things leaked to them somehow and now they are on the defensive and getting offensive. I hope you have the stamina to handle what they will be capable of throwing your way and just wanted to let you know that it can get very dirty - which is probably something you already know.

So, vent away if it helps you plan your next moves - just move cautiously and plan ahead ensuring that no further angry eruptions leak to the family, at least until after the baby is born and parenthood established.

Good luck.