[hudsonma]

I hate myself... I hate every part of myself and most of the time I just want to die. I am 5"2 124 (just weighed this morning) and I hate my everything. Ive won pageants and gotten boys, but I have no confidence. I hate my body. I make myself throw up when I feel one bit guilty over what I eat and I constantly fixate over what my body looks like. I am 19 years old a sophomore at appalachian state university, deans list ,delta zeta member but I hate me. I always check my weight and always think about when I am working out next. I can never be satisfied if I have the day off. I take lexapro but it sucks. I don't understand what's wrong with me... I am sick of boys always pointing out hot girls in magazines with no or any fat on their body and saying oh she's so hot. My old boyfriend used to always talk about kate beckinsale and it makes me hate myself even more. I feel like there is no way out of this terrible feeling. When I am at the pool I just want to cover up when people tell me I have a nice body. I need help before its too late

[jolienoire]

Hi honey I am sorry that you are going through this, and you shouldn't be going through it alone Your BMI (body Mass Index) is within normal range, and you fall right where you need to be with your height and weight. Your characteristics and what you describe sounds like Bulimia, Bulimia is characterized by episodes of binge-eating followed by inappropriate methods of weight control (purging). I think it is wise you talk to someone, and know that you are not alone. You can be doing a lot of damage to your body. According to your post you have a lot going for yourself. Just know that people care and would like to help you. Is there a counselor or someone you can talk to about your feelings? Who can offer you help?

[igman]

I totally agree with you, jolienoire. I think you are already on the right path for recognizing that you need help and, more importantly , asking for it. Please, use the phone book, or internet to find a resource to help you. If you were closer I would take you to a clinic or center myself :o)

[Choux]

I think you are probably a potentially strong person; you have some achievements in your life. I would say it is time you start growing up and getting positive values in your life instead of superficial values such as looks, boys, materialism... and so forth.

There is no alternative to achieving happiness and contentment with oneself... one has to experience growth, and growth means change and pain, the pain of leaving the safe zone behind and establishing a personality based on quality values.

Best wishes going forward. :)