[granz0210]

Okay, My wife and I have been married for 7 years and we have a beautiful 5 year old daughter. We are both 28 and obviously got married when we were 21. The first year was horrible because we moved across the country for my job and lived in a very rural area. She was abussive both verbally and physically but I understood she hated where we lived. Most days she would say she wished she didn't get married and should leave but she didn't and we moved to a town near the city and I drove an hour and a half each way to work and she went to counseling. Things got better and because of a job loss we moved back to where we were from and again she was upset cause she left a job she liked but we were pregnant with our daughter so we made it work.
Since we have moved back (4 years ago) things have progressively gotten worse. I went back to school for my nursing degree and she found a new career which she loves. I was in school and working full time midnights usually which didn't allow us to see each other a lot. I admit I found comfort talking with someone I went to school with and felt closer to her most time than my wife but that's where it stopped and after school we didn't talk anymore.
To the present... My wife and I both have good jobs and we see each other a lot more but for the past 2 or so years I feel we have drifted apart a lot. I was always one that would let her yell or tell me I was wrong and I would just say OK to keep the peace, which didn't work. When I tell her I think we fight a lot she is astonished and thinks things are OK. We are rarely intimate which has always been a problem and when I bring up things about it she tells me it is my job as the man to initiate things.
Last year we went to counseling and separated for a month and a half but I decided to go back mostly because she made me feel guilty about my daughter and me leaving her. I have tried to put on a happy face and be a good father and husband but I just don't love her like I should anymore. I care about her but I don't really want to be around her. This past weekend she took my daughter camping and I realized I am not stressed and I am happier when she is not around. Does that make me a bad person? I just want to be happy and I think I deserve it, don't I? So is divorce the answer? There are other issues I brought up with her but I will spare them for now. Please help!

[Ladyviper]

I wish I could tell you that divorce is or isn't the answer, but I can't. I can tell you this...

Your happiness is dependent upon you, you can't expect anyone to bring it to you on a silver platter.

It is your life and you have just as much right to be happy as anyone else on the planet, you are even allowed to demand it.

Now, to me it sounds as though she is content and you have given up on your marriage and yourself. You have given up on you or you wouldn't have went back when the guilt train pulled up. From an outsider's point of view, it seems as if you both have communication and anger issues. It seems that communicating involves arguing rather than conveying information, or it involves you agreeing with what is being said. I assume you are both angry, her for her violent outbursts and you for believing you can only be happy without her. She may be the cause of some of you unhappiness and a lot of your stress, but she is not the reason for all of it.

I am a firm believer in saving the marriage at almost any cost, but there are exceptions to every rule. I ended my first marriage, he was an alcoholic and I finally realized that no matter what I did I was trying to save a lost cause. I believe I made the right decision, because 10 yrs later he is still an alcoholic and my children are being raised in an alcohol free home. Do what is best for you, and do it in the best interest of the child.