[Ash123]

You are in love Tracy.

It makes us all crazy.

That's why you come here. To balance that. There's a lot of voices here to counter the ones gnawing in your head. And to help you train yourself to find the right guy - when the wrong guy is dominating your life.

[tracy1966]

Hello everyone and please forgive what I am about to write, I had no contact for about 4 days although he was ringing, texting etc. Got so depressed, fed up what ever you want to call it just plain stupid springs to mind that I answered phone and met him, now feel as if I am back to square one again with the no contact thing. This is so hard just don't know what to do

[liz28]

Now you back to square one because you had a set back. Start all over and don't give in to tempation, next time he text, text back with a"go to your wife", don't let him control having you whenever he wants because now you gave him hope but be stronger this time.

[bushg]

Ok, fine so he is persistent and you two are determined to have a relationship.

I think you OWE it to his wife to let her in on the great love affair that you have going. Let her decide if she wants to remain in this triangle.
I wonder what he is doing to convince her that he is a true and faithful husband. He must be one pretty slick guy. Maybe he's so darn good she won't mind sharing him with you.

[George_1950]

Why not say, "I love you more than anything, but you are not available and I can't have you." And as liz says, "You have a wife"; and 'I don't want to be less than she is.' Unless, you do want to be less than she is. You said initially that you are fed up.

[George_1950]

Ok, fine so he is persistent and you two are determined to have a relationship.

I think you OWE it to his wife to let her in on the great love affair that you have going. Let her decide if she wants to remain in this triangle.
I wonder what he is doing to convince her that he is a true and faithful husband. He must be one pretty slick guy. Maybe hes so darn good she won't mind sharing him with you.

I wouldn't categorize this as a triangle, and snitching is as bad as cheating. I believe there are constructive ways to get through this without destroying a family. Perhaps Tracy needs to go for counseling if she can't find her way at this time.

[starlite1]

Hi Tracy,

I know you love this man, but honestly, you deserve more. I would love to see you with someone who is with you, and only you! You deserve that. I really like what George said, and his suggestion on what you should say to this man. I know break ups are hard, we all do, but I really think you need to move on from him.

[bushg]

George,this is definitely a triangle whether the wife knows it or not.
If Tracy is going to continue this behavior she needs to woman up and be honest.
If I wanted someone else's man you can count on it I would let her know.
That's not being a snitch that is being honest.

I will agree with you that she needs counseling. She has been told as much, yet she never posted that she is seeking help.

[talaniman]

Hi Tracey, If you read accounts here of those going through what you are, its normal after a time to finally give in, and break no contact. The fact you feel bad about it shows what direction you want to go in, and thats in your favor. You just have to adjust your no contact program to account for his persistence, and stick to it.

Changing your number, or blocking his number is your next step. Your local phone company can help with that, and show you how to do that. Trust me that will help.

I do not recommend any long drawn out conversations at all, but a simple "go home to your wife, and leave me alone" is all you need say, and end the conversation very quickly, because you already know his charm, that's common to cheaters. Read The No Contact Calender for some good support, and to know you are not alone, and learn that even the phone ringing causes jangled nerves , and a situation to be dealt with.

You can do this, and yes it's the hardest thing you have ever done, but we all have been there. Keep fighting for your healing, and happiness.

[tracy1966]

Hi and thank you all for replies, the go home to your wife comment is one I have taken on board and will try that if I answer phone again. Talaniman your comment regarding nerves jangling when phone rings is so right, I just dread the day the phone no longer rings, but I am going to really try this time. Believe me I do not want to split a family up and no I couldn't tell the wife not now not ever, if he is clever and has covered his tracks then she needs to know nothing and can carry on with her husband. I see that as the best thing I can do for her. No contact starts now and will not stop I am determined.

[George_1950]

Good going, tracy; now I'm just a bit nosey, but is this love or lust? (Shoot me if you must!)

[bushg]

" i just dread the day the phone no longer rings"


Your statement leads me to believe that you want him to continue calling so that you can get that emotional boost that he provides you with. You are getting some type of emotional payoff from having conversations and cuddling sessions with this man.


Tracy... some may think I am being mean but so be it. You either want him or you don't. You want to be a cheater or you don't. Its simple


Listen to Tal and cut off all contact with him or you will get what you deserve and that is a cheater.

[George_1950]

What about this? "Unrequited love is love that is not reciprocated, even though reciprocation is usually deeply desired. The beloved may not even be aware of this person's deep feelings for them. This can lead to feelings such as depression, low self-esteem, anxiety, and rapid mood swings between depression and euphoria. Being such a universal feeling, it has naturally been a frequent subject in popular culture."
Unrequited love - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Tracy must put herself on a 'diet': no more 'married guy' unless and until he is in a position to be a faithful lover and companion. Right now, he is neither to either.

[jackofalltrdes]

Been on both sides of this. My wife did the fling thing on me. I was pissed and got over it, but a few months later I got into an affair for paybacks and to make myself feel better. Then 4 more women for a total of five different women in a month. Told them all I was married and why I was doing it. Kept it short term though. Then I had a woman that had everything, just inherited over a million dollars, a husband with a good job, a nice home and two kids 2-4 years old, but she was un-happy. We went out and had our affair off and on for half a year. I finally got my f--- trophy and was happy. I ended up breaking it off with her and sent her home to her husband before he found out, and ended up hurt and on the prowl like me. Was hard to let her, and the money walk away, but did not want to see the kids and her husband get hurt. She was a very attractive and classy lady! It's been ten years now and I talk to her once a year just to say hello, but she's glad I sent her away, and I think it was better for both of our families. The money was very attractive too by the way.
My wife has no idea of what I walked away from to stay with her. She wanted me to stay, even though I was ready to leave. My kids were 2-4 when my wife did it, and that was the only reason I stayed at the time, was for them. Having someone cheat on you is harder and more painful than being shot! If his wife finds out, she will be hurt as well as the kids. An entire family will be wrecked. It is a slim chance that they will stay together or make it, if they try.
My wife and I do kind of hang out as friends now, and things are going fairly smooth, but it was a train wreck for a while. Don't wreck a family, think of the kids. If he's un-happy, let him leave first, don't be the reason he leaves.
I told my wife about everything I did to make myself feel better, and some for payback. I waited and told her on my anniversary! I did that since she got with her boyfriend to change gifts on Christmas, which was also my birthday! I figured if she could give me such a nice Christmas and birthday gift, I had to top it!
I heard it all, what's good for the goose is good for the gander, an eye for an eye, two wrongs don't make a right, etc. everyone had their two cents to put into it. In the end my wife got over it and her gift, and I got over my gift. She realizes it would have never happened if she would not have pulled off her crap. I had a ton of chances to cheat, and my friends could not believe how much I got hit on and had chances to cheat, but always stayed faithful,(until she jacked me). My wife had a few girlfriends that got screwed and didn't have squat, and that were jealous of her, and practiced the misery likes company theory. They coached her into having fun and some excitement because I didn't care. Yeah right! I was busy trying to ensure her a good home and future.
Well, needless to say those whores are single again and in crapsville. Ha Ha Ha for them. After 23 years together, we are the only ones out of her and her three girlfriends that she grew up with that are still married. Two of her sisters are divorced too! Too bad! We were the last ones anyone expected to make it this far.
Glad to see they were wrong. Anyway, you see the chain reaction that happens, do you want to kill a family??

[George_1950]

Hello, jack: what a neat account of what goes on out there! Thanks for an interesting read. As for tracy, she isn't killing her family; her paramour is doing that. I'm not giving her 'victim' status by any means; she needs to know when to back up and when to go forward.

[Allheart]

hello everyone and please forgive what i am about to write, i had no contact for about 4 days although he was ringing, texting etc. Got so depressed, fed up what ever you want to call it just plain stupid springs to mind that i answered phone and met him, now feel as if i am back to square one again with the no contact thing. This is so hard just dont know what to do

Tracy, you did something you never did before - You were able to not answer his
Calls and texts for four days. Hold on to that knowing you can do it.
Here's what to do:

1) Ignore him for four more days, then four more, then four more... and keep going.
Every time the four days pops up... doing something extra for yourself.

2) Go back to choosing NOT to be second best, second choice, second anything, to anybody.

[tracy1966]

Hello and thank you all so much for comments, advice this is hard I won't lie. Jackofalltrades thank you for your story, I really do not want to hurt anyone honestly. Could anyone show me the way to posts that could relate to me, I have read the no contact one, and many others please help

[Allheart]

Hi Tracy,

Under Tal's signature, he has a number of threads that may be helpful to you.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/members/talaniman.html

Look under "check these post" and click on them.

You can do this!!