[Allheart]

Tracy,

Here we all are and here we all are to stay! Be so proud of yourself for knowing that be involved with a married man, hurts so many including you.

Never put yourself in a position to be second best. You will find someone who says the words I love you and you are beautiful, and this person will be free to say them and truly mean them.

Get yourself a little calendar and write down your thoughts on each day. Give yourself a big star each day you don't contact him. And when you are ready to tell him, that you don't want to hear from him anymore, that he is married, and you don't want his wife hurt or anyone else, give yourself three big stars.

Yes, you are thinking with your heart and your heart is so good. In your heart you never want pain and suffering to be in someone else's.

Hang tough and love yourself and I bet each day, you will get a little stronger. That's not to say, there will be days of utter sadness. On those days, pull out that journal, come here and visit us, and all of us will be right here.

You don't want someone, who is able to be with his family and sneak off to make a call to you, just to keep you on standby.

Bless you sweetheart - you are on your way!

[talaniman]

He is telling me know that he will leave wife and live on his own for a while then we can be together

Those are the words that all mistresses love to hear, and lets be honest, how long have you waited to hear them? His only purpose for saying it, as you know is to keep you close with false hope so you will miss him even more. He knows exactly what to say to you to give you false hope. Don't let him, stop and think of what he is doing to his wife and family, 9 whom he loves) and take it as a preview to what he eventually will do to you.

I made no replies to this and didn't give him any indication that I will be waiting for him.

That's good, but know the very act of talking to him will keep him in your mind and its time to stop all contact with him. Which I already know how hard that will be, but is the one thing you do for yourself that will set you free to cope and deal with your own feelings and emotions in a positive way. No contact will give you a chance to make better decisions for yourself, based on facts, and not just feelings. Its painful no doubt, but healing will let the brain work and not just your heart.

I am thinking with my heart but am beginning to think with my head as I know I must. Please stick with me as this is very difficult

That's one thing you can count on, our support. As you will see, with no contact, you will get your dignity and self respect back, and you will be able to love yourself, much more than you love him, and be free to be happy with yourself and life you build without him in it.

[talaniman]

"Never put yourself in a position to be second best. You will find someone who says the words I love you and you are beautiful, and this person will be free to say them and truly mean them."

You deserve such a man, who is happy loving, caring, and all yours!

[tracy1966]

Just come back onto site as having a really bad day, all my friends are away and out and have no one to talk to so your kind words are really helping me stay strong thank you so much

[Allheart]

Hi Tracy,

Don't be down about the time alone. Sometimes, when we really need to redirect our lives, alone time is the best time. It can give you time to truly think what you want for your future. Imagine yourself happy as can be, and what things will make you happy.

Just remember, having to hide in the shadows, hides the very best part of who you are. Don't want that for yourself.

Put the radio on, and if you have to have a good cry, go on, we all do from time to time.
And then jazz up the music and have yourself a good dance.

Tracy, I have such great hope for you, that once you get past this difficult time, you have a great deal of happiness ahead of you. You will be such a stronger you, and no longer will allow yourself to accept anything but true happiness.

Tracy, step into the light... YOU deserve it!! Too young and wonderful to have to hide... you can be free to be you and be so happy about it.

Proud of you girl. Truly am!

[bushg]

Tracy, glad you came here instead of getting in touch with him. Take your children and go for a walk, visit your parents, make some cookies drop off at your fire station, police station, or animal shelter for the often forgotten weekend workers.

Go to the local hospitial. Visit the local craft store. Buy some plants and plant them. If you don't have a yard put them in a window box or in pots. Nurture them, your kids and yourself. Take a walk a bike ride. Make pizza and watch a funny movie.

Start a patch work quilt with your children to donate to a woman's shelter or a retirement home. There are so many ways that you can give to the world and keep your mind busy with good healthy honest activities. Good Luck

[talaniman]

I heard cleaning closets is like a new lease on life.

[Allheart]

I heard cleaning closets is like a new lease on life.

Ahhh the cleaning closets therapy... works every time :) I have a couple crying for my attention.

Great suggestions by everyone. Also, sometimes, it helps us to put the pieces of ourselves together, when we try to help someone else, who also needs some understanding and care.

See if any of the post asking for help on the relationship thread strikes you and maybe you could help someone who shares a heartache. It does help us to feel a little better when we try and help someone else.

Here's the threads:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/

[tracy1966]

Hi thanks again everyone, can relate to cleaning closets as have just bleached my whole entire kitchen, hands hurt a bit, but least I have been doing something constructive with my time only a few more hours then I can curl up in bed, and try to think of something to do tomorrow

[bushg]

Nice candle, long hot bath, cocoa, warm milk and a good self help book... Women that love too much etc...

[tracy1966]

Hello everyone again I need a bit of support, he rang I didn't answer but one of children did so I spoke to him, now he is being quite short and abupt with me as if I have done something wrong, not rude just short, sharp questions and answers, now I feel as if I have done something wrong, oh god this is so hard. I really am now in a right state as God forgive me I feel bloody guilty for some reason as if I have upset him, that is just mad I know but I do help me need some good advice from you good people

[Ash123]

Steady there.

It is HIM. Not you. REALLY.

You are not married. As long as you are clear and strong about your plans and reasoning you are 100% going in the right direction.

He knows this deep down.

And he should lay off the calls to your house I would imagine...

[tracy1966]

Thanks for such a quick reply, couldn't get through this without your help, am now in a terrible state thinking all sorts of things, I don't want him to dislike me I really don't, but need to end this somehow I can not tell him

[talaniman]

he is being quite short and abrupt with me as if I have done something wrong, not rude just short, sharp questions and answers, now I feel as if I have done something wrong,

Don't let him use your confusion against you. (that may be a red flag for your future reference).
I

don't want him to dislike me I really don't, but need to end this somehow

Consider your feelings ahead of his and start being unavailable, tell that to your kids when they answer the phone, or be short brief and too busy to talk very long. 30 seconds is long enough.

[rachel37]

Hi Tracy,

My husband done the same thing to me with an "old" friend. I found e-mails and texts on his phone and confronted him... He admitted it. He said he's never slept with her, but I'm not so sure.. The point is, I (the wife) took it really badly, we have a four year old son and I tried ending my life - it really shook me as I really didn't expect it. It's been 2 months since I found out and it still really hurts. My mum went through the same thing with my dad and he completely broke her... I left my husband and he shacked up with this girl. Now they have broken up, because they realised it was a "mistake". They both have no idea how much they have ed my life up... I just hope you read this and realise what this does to people.

I don't judge you or hate you, everyone has their own reasons - but I just want you to try and see it from "the wifes" point of view.

I truly hope you sort this out and I wish you the best.

Rachel xxxxxxx

[tracy1966]

I feel stupidly I know that I want to talk to him, so I will take your advice and make it short and to the point 30 seconds to a minute should do it, thank you all your advice is so helpful, I think I am having a moment of if he doesn't want me no one will, so feel very insecure

[tracy1966]

This message is for rachel37, I do feel so sorry for you and any wife put into this situation I really do, I think of his wife and children all the time, I realise when he tells me things about his wife it is to make me feel better I am not silly or uncaring, trust me. I feel if a man wanted to leave his wife for whatever reason then they would do it and not have affairs, they are destructive to everyone involved I know that and never thought I would be part of it. Life and circumstances have led me down this path which I dislike and want to end it I really do. Please stay strong I for one admire and respect you a lot

[rachel37]

I really don't want to make you feel like , at all! I just posted this answer in hope that it'll help you get away from him! I don't blame the other woman, all men think with their s! But she did know he was married and should have put a stop to it... Neither of them achieved anything by their brief relationship and I know my ex is miserable now he has lost both of us... and also made a lot of enemies. Does his wife have any idea this is going on?

[tracy1966]

Hi rachel, no wife has no idea and I don't think he would ever allow that to happen. I am trying so hard to put a stop to this honestly as I feel as you yourself has said everyone will be miserable in the end and that is not a good thing for anyone. My loneliness should never make another woman feel like you did I know that and am determined to put an end to this just need a bit of backup from people that's all

[rachel37]

Yeah, I can understand that... well, I'm here if you need me. I think you're stronger than you think ;) xx