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eitsim · May 26, 2008, 07:35 PM

:confused: I am so scare and confused right now. I am 20 yr old girl and I really don't know if I am bi or not. This is getting too weird for me. I've been dreaming and having dreams about her. She's my friend cousin and she's a bit younger them I am (she's 17). The thing is she's straight out bi and has a frekin girlfriend! I know for sure I like guys and I currently still have a crush on a guy friend of mine. Every time he smile or talk I like just smile all silly and stupid, but now its like that with her too! And it only happens to her, no other girls! Is it because she often dress like a guy? But she is so frekin cute and... I don't know, I don't what to be bisexsual... what should I do? I can't tell my family, it will just kill them if I am bi. I really really am so confused about this. What should I do?!

Ladyviper · May 26, 2008, 07:58 PM

Let's start by saying that she is too young, you are 20 she is under 18. Confusion is usually temporary, statutory rape will follow you for a long time. Including several years on a local sex offender registry. Having said that, here is what I think.

You are probably just in an experimental phase. Odds are you have not come in contact with many openly bisexual people that you are attracted to. It is hard to say why you are attracted to her, since we are attracted to people for so many reasons. Just because you get giddy around her does not make you bisexual, nor does it make you gay. It is one of those things you won't know for sure until you try it. Maybe you are just in awe of her life style or her ability to be open about her life. It is not uncommon for straight women to have dreams or fantasize about women. Dreams or fantasies do not make you bi, straight, or gay. How you act on those feelings and how acting on them makes you feel will determine if you are not straight.

Odds are if you were gay or bi-sexual, you would have had feelings for other women in your life before now. Most people know from the gate if they like boys or girls, it is not something they usually figure out when they are 20.

Xrayman · May 26, 2008, 08:26 PM

Hi you sound like you may have discovered an aspect to your sexuality. So you might be Bisexual-so what why does your family need to know?
It's a personal thing, I like many kinky things but who else needs to know that? It's your business. But don't interfere with your friend-if she has a girl already-that's not fair. To her or her friend.

If you think you are bi, then you have more than a passing crush on one girl-usually you know at an earlier age and you have been aroused by women and men (more than just one).

Odds are if you were gay or bi-sexual, you would have had feelings for other women in your life before now. Most people know from the gate if they like boys or girls, it is not something they usually figure out when they are 20.

This is quite true.

kp2171 · May 26, 2008, 09:03 PM

deep breath in and out.

you are young and still learning who you are. Don't be too hard on yourself. Be safe. Be smart. But don't fret too much.

here's a little secret I've never told. I have a daughter whom I suspect is bi... she's mostly into guys, but I wouldn't be shocked one bit if she said she was with a girl.

I think shell likely marry a guy someday. She seems to prefer the attention of men. But she also has a vibe about some girls.

point is... don't think you need to figure anything out overnight. Take your time. Don't be in a rush. Don't feel pressured.

I understand the issues you might have with your family. Well.. honesty, my parents didn't know every relatioship I had. I understand you are scared about starting something you might have to hide.

well.. I can't tell you what to do. I've had good friends your age who were bi curious and active. Most eventually "went" hetero, a few stayed bi or same sex.

if anything, id worry about the age difference. Sure... there are times when years mean nothing. My parter is several years older than me, and my previous partner was several years younger than her. But there's a lot of learning and development going on between 17 and 20... and likewise through the lower to mid 20's.

so.. I can't tell you what to do. Just understand if you engage this girl

1) she is a minor
2) you likely have a crush, that might be compounded by the "taboo" factor

so deep breath in and out.

time to make some choices, and know that at this point, none are likely to be the Choice that Defines Your Life.

=) take some time to think it out and explore. Your family is important. That's good. Your desires are important. That's good too.

welcome to AMHD. Please keep the thread going if you have more to say.

confused1145 · May 26, 2008, 09:11 PM

You may not be bi. A lot of girls I've spoken to have thought about another girl from time to time. I would have to say it doesn't mean you are bi unless you start to act on it.

Synnen · May 26, 2008, 09:15 PM

I'm bi.

I noticed girls the way I noticed guys from puberty on. Maybe not as MANY girls as guys--I definitely lean towards hetero (since I'm married and all, that should make sense).

If you're attracted to OTHER women too--then I'd say you're bi. If it's just this one girl--probably not.

Either way--she's got a girlfriend. Back off. Gay, bi, straight--it doesn't matter. You do NOT mess with someone in a relationship.

Choux · May 27, 2008, 11:35 AM

Sounds like you are infatuated with her. Sexual vibes in the air-pretty heady stuff. :D

My opinion is that you are young and curious... still discovering aspects of your sexuality.

Now, she is 17... forget about it now because the worst case scenario is that you are caught and you get labeled in court for life as a sex offender.

When will she be 18??

eitsim · May 27, 2008, 01:31 PM

Ohh no I would never do anything to her, I would not ever interfere with her relationship with her girl friend and I know that there's a age difference. The thing is I don't want be bi and I know I sound stupid but I can't talk to anyone I know and I'm scared that if I were to be bi/gay what should I do? I don't want to hurt anyone in anyway and I'm just so confused to why I am felling this way and I don't want to "try" anything... she's my friends cousin and were like friends too, so I don't want to do anything to rune that...

Choux · May 27, 2008, 03:15 PM

Feelings come and go, so do strong feelings.

Retire these feelings until you are older and more able to deal with them. :)

rs_pubz · May 27, 2008, 11:21 PM

Originally Posted by eitsim

:confused: i am so scare and confused right now. I am 20 yr old girl and i really dont know if i am bi or not. this is getting too weird for me. I've been dreaming and having dreams about her. She's my friend cousin and she's a bit younger them i am (she's 17). The thing is she's straight out bi and has a frekin girlfriend! I know for sure i like guys and i currently still have a crush on a guy friend of mine. Every time he smile or talk i like just smile all silly and stupid, but now its like that with her too! and it only happens to her, no other girls! Is it because she often dress like a guy? but she is soo frekin cute and... i dont know, i dont what to be bisexsual... what should i do? i can't tell my family, it will just kill them if i am bi. I really really am soo confused about this. what should i do???!!!

Well, girls can say they are bisexual, but I tell them there's no such thing. Yeah, it's funny how a girl can kiss another girl and have a boyfriend and everything's normal. But I guarantee that if a guy with a girlfriend gives some guy a handjob that makes him completely if not entirely homosexual, it's 2008, there are fine lines between sexual orientations. So let time make your mind up for you, you'll decide which you like better eventually :-]

eitsim · Jun 3, 2008, 07:03 PM

Thanks everyone for the help... I decided to talk to her with her girlfriend and they totally understand. They told me that they don't so much think I am bi and now that I talked to someone about it, I know for sue that I am not. They told me that when they were younger they had feelings for others girls and I never have, and its just because I have so many stressful things in my life now I just take comfort in her and its normal for other to think that (she) is cute and might mistaken for real feelings. So thanks for all the help and suggestion...

fizzpop · Jun 20, 2008, 06:45 PM

It's most likely that you are a lesbian and should begin to deal with this fact post-haste. There is no such thing as bisexual.

N0help4u · Jun 22, 2008, 04:46 AM

Just because you smile and are attracted does not mean you would actually think of or want to do sexual things with a girl. People confuse having a admiring attraction to the same sex.
Some people do say that it means you are gay or bi, but I don't agree because who hasn't had an admiring attraction to a teacher, a friend, a movie star or even their own mother.
You just have a strong admiration most likely.
If you are having thoughts of wanting to have physical sexual type contact with her then I might agree that you could possibly be bi.